‘Waaaaaahhhhh …!!!!’
The next thing I know, there are pine needles sticking up my nose, my body’s rocking on a springy cushion of spruce and my legs are sticking up behind me, and I suspect they must be waving wildly too. And Merwyn is next to my ankles, still attached, and barking like a mad thing.
‘Bill!!! Help!!!!’ I’m yelling and trying to kick, but my legs are stuck. ‘Come and h-e-e-e-e-l-p me!!!’
There’s a low laugh behind me. ‘Hold it there, I’ll just get a few more pictures.’
What?‘Forget effing pictures, come and untie meNOW!!!’ I push spikes out of my mouth, unstick my hat from the prickles that are pulling it and drag it down as far as I can over my face. As I roll sideways off the branches, if it wasn’t for the freezing water seeping around my bottom I’d be hot to the point of exploding.
Bill’s laughing so much he’s staggering towards me. ‘One more. Sitting in that puddle next to your tree pile, that’s the best one of all.’ Then he slides his phone into his pocket and holds out his hand. ‘What?’ He’s trying to look innocent.
‘Taking pictures, instead of helping me up, that’s what.’ Seriously, if he doesn’t stop the doubled up laughing soon he’s in for a swipe on the head with a Nordmann spruce.
‘You’re the one who wants stuff to load to Instagram. That sequence is pure gold.’
I’m despairing at how little clue he has. ‘That’snothinglike what Libby wants.’
He pulls me to my feet even though by now, obviously, I’d rather he hadn’t. He’s still laughing, watching me as I pull stiff soaking denim off my legs.
‘What, don’t tell meyourboxers are muddy too, would you like me to order you some more?’
I take a deep breath and give him my best glare. ‘Have you finished?’
The way his eyebrows go up is really annoying. ‘There is one more thing …’
I’m almost roaring. ‘What?’
‘Two, actually.’
I roll my eyes.
His lips are twisting. ‘If this is a taste of how this Christmas let is going to be, bring it on.’
I’m growling through gritted teeth. ‘It’s not. At all. I willpersonallyguarantee, the rest will be perfect beyond the point of boring. And?’
As he tilts his head, he has dimples in his cheeks. ‘There are trolleys further along … for carrying the trees.’ His eyes are mocking. ‘And a machine that pulls the branches into a net to make them neat for travelling. So they’re easy to carry and they’ll fit in the pick up.’
‘Know it all.’And damn.For every part of this. But mostly for what the slices in his cheeks are doing to my stomach. It’s not that I’m usually bossy but he seems to have forgotten who’s in trouble here. ‘Well what are you waiting for? Get a trolley then.’
