I’m not sure why my heart is beating so fast as I grab my coat and cross the back courtyard. That’s the other thing – I might be going in search of the secret baker, but this was never going to be a secretmission. As I hurry through the shrubbery and out towards the coach house I’m flanked by seven children all shouting. By the time we see the light shining through the glass door of the distillery we’re running and breathless.
As I push my way in there’s a figure by the end window, and as he turns and I take in the Aztec print joggers I gasp.
‘Keef?’ I have no idea why my heart sank there, but I pick myself up again really fast. ‘Hey, so you’re the one who’s been thrilling us with your cranberry swirls?’
He purses his lips. ‘Not exactly …’
‘As an answer that’s no good at all. Surely it’s yes or no?’
He lets out a sigh. ‘Actually this has very little to do with baking, and it’s more about Bill than me. He’s trying to talk to you but apparently you keep avoiding him …’
‘So this is a trick?’
Keef’s shaking his head. ‘Don’t be too hard on him, he hasn’t had it easy. He’s very sorry for the position he put you in, it’ll be good to clear the air before Christmas. He baked the Merwyn cakes and he’d like a word if that’s okay?’
‘Fine.’ It’s not at all. But obviously Bill can’t afford ambiguity, if I’d let him do this in the car yesterday or let him say his piece early this morning we wouldn’t be here now.
Keef pushes back his bead braids and squeezes my arm. ‘He’s waiting on the beach, it won’t take long.’
As I turn for the door, the kids turn too.
‘Not so fast! You lot wait here with me.’ Keef puts his finger up, then he winks at me. ‘Remember,carpethose effingdiems, Ivy, and cut the boy some slack.’
There are times when I’d like to stuff hiscarpesand all the rest. If I wasn’t in such a hurry, now would be one of them.
As I make my way out onto the empty sand the sea has turned to the colour of dark slate in the fading afternoon light and this morning’s sun has given way to a heavy leaden sky. It’s not helpful that when I see Bill’s shoulders hunched against the wind, his hands deep in his jacket pockets, my first instinct is to throw my arms around him. As an icy gust blows inside my furry jacket I’m kicking myself for not bringing my hat. I draw near to him, cough, and he turns.
‘Ivy, you came.’
I try to move past how one glimpse of that smile of his is lighting me up inside. ‘If we could make this quick …’
‘Of course. I just want to set things straight, let you know how things stand.’
‘Great.’ I can’t help my ironic tone.
‘I don’t want to speak badly of Gemma, but a wider view may help you understand.’ He frowns. ‘I know you didn’t want to know this, but I’m going to tell you anyway. It makes sense to start at the beginning, which was when Gemma and I were on the same flight back from Chamonix. We shared a taxi home to mine, one thing led to another, and two weeks later she told me she was pregnant.’ He blows out a breath. ‘It wasn’t a great start. It certainly wasn’t what I’d planned, but she moved in and we took it from there.’
‘So that was Abby …’
He’s staring out across the water. ‘In fact … no. That first pregnancy didn’tactuallywork out, but by the time I knew that, Abbywason the way.’
‘Wow.’ We all knew she was determined to get him, but we didn’t think she’d go that far.
Bill gives a shrug. ‘Gemma and I both had different priorities, different reasons to make the relationship work, but it wasn’t ever easy. When Abby arrived she made everything worthwhile for me, but the rest was always hard work. We did our best for five years. But when Gemma wanted to move on with someone else last year it felt like at least one of us was getting the chance to be happy.’
‘But that didn’t last.’
‘Maybe it was too optimistic of me to hope it would.’ He sighs. ‘I’m so sorry, it was wrong of me to take you anywhere near the house. When Gemma saw you she reacted.’
‘But if Gemma wants to try again, surely you have to, for Abby?’
As his face folds the lines are pained. ‘It was the first time Gemma had mentioned a reconciliation, and I wanted to clarify things with her, and make sure I was doing the best for Abby.’
‘I understand.’ Really I do. He doesn’t have to keep going.
‘But I’ve thought about it a lot – how good is it being brought up by parents who never loved each other and don’t get on?’
That wasn’t the impression I had. ‘But Gemma was crazy about you, she pursued you the whole time in Chamonix.’
