‘I’m not pretending I’m perfect. But with Gemma, there’s no give and take, no sense of partnership, it’s only ever about her. It’s fair to say, Gemma loved my house and earning capacity a lot more than she ever loved me.’ Bill winces. ‘As we are now Abby won’t get to see both parents every day, but if she gets to see the two of us being happy on our own, being the people we want to be instead of being miserable together, that has to be more positive for her.
‘Gemma didn’t want me back until the moment she thought I might have moved on. And then she came in with the wrecking ball. And I’m truly sorry I caused you to be caught up in that, it was very demeaning.’
I let out a murmur. ‘It was horrible.’
‘There you go. I maybe made it hard for her when Dad and I found the castle and I wanted to move here. But she was the one who made the choice for us to go our separate ways, but now she has, I’m standing by that. I’ll always be there for Abby as much as she wants me to be, but I won’t be going back to Gemma.’
‘Okay, well thanks for telling me.’ I’m letting it all sink in. ‘Is there anything else you’d like to clear up while we’re here?’
His eyes go wide. ‘In case you hadn’t already guessed, when you saw the note on the Merwyn cake collar … I’m your secret baker.’
I’m laughing now. ‘And I almost thought it was Keef. Are you going to tell me why?’
‘Milo was there, pretending how good he was, I had to throw something into the mix to show you he wasn’t “all that”. And it was my way of trying to help the Christmas cause too. You weren’t exactly thinking the best of me at that point, if I’d come clean about the baking you’d have only disliked me more.’
‘Why were you ever worried about Milo?’
‘He’s attractive, I’d missed my chance with you once, I was damned if I was going to let it happen again.’
‘Milo’s notthathandsome. It’s not about looks anyway …’ Looking at Bill, and feeling my stomach disintegrate, I could be lying here. ‘For me it’s much more about what we talk about, how much you make me laugh, how you smell …’ which reminds me ‘… what aftershave do you wear?’
He rolls his eyes. ‘All those bottles in my bathroom, how do you ever expect me to know that? It might be a browny one …’
‘I don’t believe it.’ I give him a play punch on his arm. ‘You’re joking me?’
There’s a twist to his lips. ‘It’s Dior Fahrenheit.’ His lips curve more. ‘Do I get a kiss for telling you that?’
I roll my eyes. Because, hell, I don’t want to look like a pushover here. ‘Do you have mistletoe?’
His face falls. ‘Shit.’ Then he grins again, and wriggles into his jeans pocket. ‘Of course I have mistletoe, I told you before, from now on I’m never going to be without.’ He holds up the tiniest wiltiest sprig that’s obviously been all the way to London and back.
I can’t help laughing. ‘You callthatmistletoe? It’s not very impressive.’
‘Well try this first, andthenwe’ll see if you’re still grumbling.’
One moment I’m laughing, the next I’ve turned, his arms are around me, and the dark, sweet, coffee warmth of his mouth hits mine. And as I close my eyes and drag the delicious scent of Dior Fahrenheit deep into my lungs, and fling myself against the wall of his chest the world starts to spin. If there’s a distant cheer and something that sounds a lot like Tiff and Tansy screaming, I hear it for a moment, then the rush of the waves falls over it and the battering of the wind blows it out to sea. And it’s a long time later when we finally part. I’m left with my mouth aching for more.
As I stagger backwards he grabs me again. ‘I refuse to let you fall in the sea here.’
So instead I press my cheek against the cashmere of his jumper, and listen as he starts to talk again.
‘This was never about choosing between you and Gemma. I was here, living my pretty shit life and the minute you walked around that corner and found me in the hot tub, everything changed. Up until then even in a relationship I’d been completely alone. And then you marched in, and started to help.’
‘Started to order you around you mean.’
He rolls his eyes. ‘I had no idea what I’d signed up for. But I’m really pleased I did. But I’d have been insuchbig trouble without you. You shook me up, and made the most amazing things happen, but most of all we worked as a partnership. When things went wrong, you were there to haul me out of the mess. You made me stand up to Gemma and made me strong enough to see Abby. And through all of it you’ve been wonderful to be with, in a way that makes me never want to be without you again. You’re incredibly beautiful inside and out, and I can’t thank you enough for all of it.’
For some reason there are tears running down my face, because my cheeks are wet against the wool. ‘Actually, I’m the one who needs to thank you. You made me feel beautiful when I didn’t think that would ever be possible. And you made me see I don’t have to be sad forever.’
He sniffs and swallows. ‘You give so much to everyone, unconditionally. Of everyone I’ve ever met, you’re the person who most deserves to be happy, Ivy. I’ve never been in love before, but I’m completely in love with you now. It’s like my life turned upside down these last two weeks. I love you, Ivy, I just want us to be happy together, if you’re up for giving it a try?’
I push my hand upwards, slide my fingers through his hair and tug. ‘And I love you too, Bill.’ However strong the sea glass, I can’t let on how long I’ve felt that for. ‘This is like a dream come true.’ There. I’m saying the same thing in a different way.
‘There is one more thing …’
He always does this and it’s not always good. ‘And …?’
‘That sky …’
