‘There’s a great place a couple of miles away called the Pack Horse Inn. I booked a table, just in case.’
As Diesel pushes his stick into my hand, I pause for a second to throw it up the beach. Even meetings with long lost family have to stop for dogs with sticks. And as we wander back up towards the house, we’re all chatting like we’ve known each other for years not minutes, and once again I couldn’t be more grateful to have Charlie with me. Today is all down to him. How do you say thank you to someone who not only sets up something this huge, but also smooths it through?
As for meeting Rob, five minutes after bumping into him on the beach this morning, I’d find it hard to pinpoint what it felt like when I didn’t know him. It has to be the family similarities. It’s as if me knowing Laura already paved the way for Rob. Laura’s brought me to Joe and Rob, and I’m hoping that Joe and Rob will take me back to Laura too.
Sometimes events are so huge there are no words, and this is one of them. However much I see Rob in the future I’ll always look back on that last hour we spent together as the time when the tilt of my whole world shifted – very gently, to a better place. There weren’t any thunderclaps or even any sobbing. In the end, there was nothing momentous or earth shattering about what is, after all, simply right. It’s crazy to think something so easy and natural could have caused so much worry and fracture across so many different lives for so long. As we walk back up the beach and across the gravel to the house, to anyone watching we’d look like any other family hurrying off a windy beach, heading for a hot mug of tea.
36
On the beach
Puddles on the sand
Saturday afternoon
‘So this is the part where you get to wear your Converse again.’
It’s late afternoon and Charlie’s pulled in by a quiet beach along the coast and he’s dipped into the back of the car for my shoes. As he dangles them off his finger Diesel’s dashing around barking.
‘Are we walking?’ I kick off my boots and bob down to tie the shimmery pink laces.
‘After being well behaved for so long, Diesel’s got a lot of energy to run off. A blast along the beach might be a good for all of us.’
As I look up at Charlie, I don’t know where to start to tell him how much I owe him for today. ‘I’m still floating, a walk will be a great way to come back down to earth.’ There are alternating happy tingles and shock waves rippling through me and in my head I’m writing the email to tell Mum. And even though we’ve dropped Jenny off at home and said goodbye to Rob for a couple of weeks at least, the day’s still got a special glow about it.
Just before we left, Jenny held Charlie’s hand and told him how pleased she was he was looking so well, and how proud he should be of everything he’s achieved. Then she took me to one side very discretely to suggest I could help Charlie. At first I was taken aback, but when I stopped to think about it I realise she’s right. As we wind down the muddy hillocks onto the sand, Charlie picks up a piece of driftwood and flings it along the beach for Diesel.
I have to tread carefully here. ‘Jenny’s so grateful to you for her house. It must be amazing to touch people’s lives with your building.’
His sigh is dismissive. ‘It’s only what I do.’
So far today’s been all about me, but now it’s his turn. ‘You can’t shrug it off, those houses are amazing. But I could tell Jenny was worried that you push yourself too much.’
His laugh is dismissive. ‘I don’t work that hard, you didn’t even realise I had a job.’ He lets out a long breath. ‘I have to do it for Faye. It’s the only way I can halfway live with my guilt for her not being here.’ And that’s the problem.
Our hips are level, but I’m jogging to keep up with his long strides. ‘If your other schemes are anything like this one, it seems like you’ve created the most amazing legacy to her.’
As he sniffs there are lines on his face. ‘That’s been my only purpose, along with caring for Diesel. If I’ve achieved that my time hasn’t been wasted.’
My heart is aching to see him so raw. ‘I don’t know anything about grief, but I’d guess if Faye loved you enough to sign up for a lifetime with you, she’d want you to be happy now.’
He has that faraway look in his eye. ‘You’re right, she was very selfless.’
It’s hard to know how to put this. ‘Have you thought that maybe now Faye would want you to put a little bit of effort into yourself as well as the building? Maybe you owe it toherto give yourself a break, because she’d want you to live again.’
He’s frowning at me now. ‘Okay, Clems, so what are you saying?’
‘When I first arrived you always looked so, so sad.’
He sighs. ‘For years that’s how I’ve felt.’
‘But …’ I have to encourage him here. ‘Since you’ve been forced into seeing people more, you’ve actually cracked the odd smile. It’s a bit like Rob and his Sliding Doors. You can stay locked away and dedicate your life to someone who isn’t here any more. Or you could make the leap and let yourself back to a place where there are other people too. After nine years it isn’t wrong for you to allow yourself to be happy.’
His lips are twitching as he looks down at me. ‘When people tip meringue over their hair and borrow your metal detector because they’ve lost diamond rings in buttercream, I agree it’s harder to dwell on the sad stuff. If you’ve got any suggestions, I’ll give them a try.’
With Maude due back I’m not looking too far ahead. ‘How about your own personal tour of the fun places in St Aidan to pay you back for today?’ It’ll be less daunting for him than a wild night with the Singles’ Club, but at least then he’ll know where to find a good time when he’s ready.
That’s made his lips curve. ‘So will that count as my “journey back to Happy Land” first date then?’
