That sends my stomach into a nose dive. ‘It might be more like tourist information.’ However much I want to help, I can’t cope with thinking of it as a date.
He’s straight back at me. ‘Is Tuesday good for you?’
I nod. ‘So long as I’m still here.’ It’s the truth, but to hide how much it aches when I think about it I make it sound jokey.
‘About your plans …’ He’s frowning again. ‘Rob being here today was a stroke of luck, I took a risk on that, and I hope it helped. It’s bad to leave things like that hanging.’
I have to point it out. ‘I managed fine for the last thirty years.’
He doesn’t reply straight away. ‘Or so you think. But if someone leaves, the people left behind often feel it’s their fault for not being good enough. They often end up not trying, if good stuff happens they throw it away because they feel like they don’t deserve it.’
‘And you think that’s me?’
He shrugs. ‘Maybe you’ve felt like that in the past because you assumed Rob left.’ He loops his thumbs through the belt loops of his jeans. ‘You do deserve good things, Clems. You talk about me, but I can’t think of anyone who deserves good things more than you.’
I’m staring down at the sand clumps on my glittery toes, facing up to the truth. ‘Of all of us mermaids, I’m the one who’s achieved the least.’ It has to be said.
Charlie’s shaking his head. ‘You’ve achieved different things, you put your energy into travelling. They’ve only got more material things because they stayed in one place.’
The pace has slowed and our hips are almost bumping. ‘They all have more drive than me, they’ve always tried harder.’
He’s staring down at me like he’s peering into my brain. ‘But mainly it’s because they settled when you didn’t. What was it that kept you moving on?’
It takes a while staring at the place where the sea merges into the sky, to think that through. ‘There was always this tiny thought in the darkest part at the back of my mind, that maybe the next place would be the place I’d bump into the dad I didn’t know. I absolutely never wanted to look for him, but maybe I was hanging onto this fantasy that if I went to enough places, one day we’d accidentally coincide.’ Walking along the beach now, I know. ‘I’ve never talked about it before, I’m not sure I was even conscious of it.’ Maybe now I’ve met him, saying this out loud is like breaking the spell, setting myself free.
Charlie’s raking his fingers though his wind-swept hair. ‘Of all your friends you’re the free spirit, none of us want to stop you flying, but this could be the right time for you to stay. Now you’ve met Rob you should find it easier.’
There’s a sudden flash in my brain and I turn on him. ‘That’swhy you brought him here?’
Charlie’s shaking his head, and his eyes are as sad as Diesel’s again. ‘Not only that, I hoped it would help in other ways too.’
As my agitation subsides I know it’s time to explain. ‘I’ve had a talk with George, about my best way forward.’
His voice rises. ‘Shit, Clems, why the hell did you turn to George of all people?’
I hide my shock under a shrug. ‘He’s super professional, and he’s dealt with the flat for years.’ Not that I should need to justify it. ‘He was very helpful.’ I’d say we explored every option.
Charlie’s face is like a storm cloud. ‘Jeez, Nell, Plum, me and Sophie are bursting with strategies and working our butts off to sort things out for you, and you turn to the most cautious man in St Aidan?’
I’m pursing my lips. ‘We talked through my priorities and found the most appropriate solution.’
Charlie’s eye roll is higher than the breakers crashing along the bay. ‘That sounds about right. And what did you decide?’ He’s spitting out the words.
I drag in a breath and try to sound decided and in control. ‘What I want most is to keep the flat, and going back to Paris will let me do that.’
His frown is disbelieving. ‘But what about the Little Cornish Kitchen and staying in St Aidan to see Joe and Rob?’
I’m going to back pedal here. ‘Mostly it’s about the cash flow, Paris makes it work that’s all. Nothing’s set in stone, my tickets haven’t come through yet. But George understands I’m not a powerful capable business person like you. I’ve lived out of a backpack for the last few years, the flat is enough to start with. Even that feels like I’m a mermaid coming to live on the shore. I’m sorry if I’ve gone back on my offer to you.’
Charlie dismisses that with a head shake. ‘You lecture me about letting myself be happy, then think about clearing off to live with Misery Maude? You love cooking and your Little Cornish Kitchen. Truly, you’re choosing the wrong side of the sliding doors here.’
My voice turns to a wail. ‘My St Aidan wish list is so long, if I try for all of it I could end up failing at everything. This way at least I keep the flat safe.’
His gives a snort. ‘That’s total bollocks. Life is about taking risks.’
‘That’s fine for you to say. I’m not that brave.’
He stops and spins me around to face him. ‘We can re-think this, there could be better options coming along. There’s so much love for you here, youcan’tgo away again, Clems.’
