Jenny’s brow is furrowed. ‘Soon after that, your mum met Harry and, once she had that extra support, Laura decided it was time to step back. It seemed right to let you be a family without risking any more complications. It broke her heart to leave you, but that was when she moved away.’
As I slip off my shoe and tuck one foot under me on the sofa, I have to admit it. ‘When I found that first letter I was cross that my mum let me grow up thinking something other than the truth about my dad. But maybe she never knew exactly what I thought. Maybe I was the one who decided he walked out.’ The mermaids and I would have been very creative imagining scenarios. Knowing the pain she went through I can forgive her for not making it clearer that he didn’t know about me.
Jenny’s smoothing the linen on the chair arm. ‘It was such a sad situation, especially for your mum. It was so selfless the way she gave up Rob even though she loved him. Not many people would have been strong or brave enough to do that. But because of that Laura forgave her for wanting to keep you secret from Rob.’
My insides feel like cotton wool. ‘Joe said Laura told them eventually.’
Jenny purses her lips. ‘Your mum used to write to Laura, she had all your photos in a special album. It was only when Laura told your mum she was terminally ill your mum finally agreed Laura could tell Rob and his family about you.’
I let out a sigh. ‘I must have come as a bit of a shock to them.’
Jenny raises her eyebrows. ‘It can’t have been easy for Rob’s wife. But she’d had seventeen years of Rob being a good husband to set against it.’ She smiles at me. ‘Your mum was very clear; she didn’t want them rushing in and upsetting you when you were in sixth form. They had to wait for you to look for them.’
‘And here we are, years down the line. It’s all so sad.’ I grab a tissue from my bag and as I blow my nose I realise Charlie’s moved along the sofa, and his arm’s around my shoulders. And Diesel has left his biscuits to sit on my foot. He’s leaning back on my leg, resting his head on my knee.
Charlie’s eyes are scouring my face. ‘Are you okay, Clemmie?’
I let out an exhausted breath. ‘It’s a relief to understand at last.’ I turn to Jenny. ‘Thank you so much for being so honest. I feel different now I know.’ There are so many clichés about weights lifting, I feel so light I’m almost floating up off the sofa.
There’s an undertone of worry in Jenny’s smile. ‘I’m pleased you’ve come, Laura wanted you to understand. I suspect she meant us to meet when you took over the flat, but when you didn’t arrive I had to hope that Charlie would bring you to me.’
I turn on him. ‘So you knew?’
He’s shaking his head. ‘Jenny told me Laura’s was a very sad story. I hoped she’d have the answers you were looking for.’
Jenny’s got her troubled frown on again. ‘Laura was always so worried you’d missed out. Her second partner was older, he left her well off. By leaving you the flat at least she gave you the opportunity to reconnect with your past, if that’s what you chose to do.’
‘It’s funny to think I almost didn’t visit the flat at all. It’s great to finally know that Rob didn’t walk away, I just wish I’d been able to see Laura.’
Jenny leans across and pats my hand. ‘It’s tragic that you and Laura missed each other. Laura’s dream was always to get her four grandchildren together, so she’s almost managed that at last.’
Spending time at the flat has changed so many things. The ripples of guilt that I’ve thought about letting it go are so huge I clutch my stomach. With everything I know now, even thinking about selling the flat feels like a betrayal. Ihaveto find a way to hang on to it. ‘I was going to say the views at Laura’s flat are amazing, but you’ve got those here too.’
Jenny’s smile widens. ‘After going to Seaspray Cottage every day, when I moved I was looking for views, and Charlie came through with the perfect place. He doesn’t often shout his own praises, but there are reasons his homesallwin awards. Every detail is covered; I couldn’t have asked for anywhere better to live.’
I grin at Charlie. ‘This far he’s been great at hiding his talent. I’m looking forward to seeing more.’
‘Talking of more …’ Charlie’s leaning forward now, his elbows on his thighs. ‘We thought it would be easier if Jenny explained things first. But Rob is actually in Cornwall.’
My heart feels like it’s stopped beating and my throat goes dry. ‘Cornwall where?’
Charlie’s voice is level. ‘He’s been looking at places with Joe and he was coming to see Jenny today anyway. If you’d like to meet up briefly you only have to say.’
My stomach has fallen through the floor. ‘I–I–I …’
Jenny’s looking anxious. ‘So long as you feel the same, he’d like to see you. But this is only if you feel ready. No one wants you to rush.’
‘B-b-but I haven’t brushed my hair … and this dress has a rip.’ It’s not that I’m looking for excuses. But if I’d known I’d at least have tried to match my lippy to my cardi.
Jenny’s smiling. ‘Rob really wouldn’t mind, Jordan used to have dreads. If it’s easier for you, we could meet him down on the beach?’
It’s the sand that finally gets me. ‘I always imagined if I met him it would be on a beach. With the kind of sand where the saltwater has scored ripples across the surface as the tide went out. Where there’s one or two rocks sticking up, with pools of sea at the bases.’
Jenny’s voice is soft. ‘With a wind off the sea. That would be nice.’ She turns to Charlie. ‘Shall I ring and ask him to meet us down there?’
The breeze will hide my hair tangles. ‘How soon can he get here?’ I’m suddenly worried it could be hours. Or days.
She smiles. ‘A couple of minutes.’
