So, Charlie turns up the volume, and we head out of town and drive south across country for an hour. By the time we cut back to hit the coast again, the sea’s so pale and shimmery I have to comment.
‘That’s what I’m going to miss, if I go, the way the sea changes all the time.’
He gives a sniff. ‘So you’re still planning to leave?’
‘You know I don’t plan.’ I might as well remind him. Although since we’re being honest with each other lately, I relent. ‘But I could hear from my job in Paris any day.’
I’m crossing my fingers we’ll fit in the garden party first. And I admit I’m in denial. But Maude will be back from her study leave any day and calling for hersaladeandsoupe au poisson. I was talking to George yesterday. If I want to keep the flat, my simplest option is to go back to work for Maude then I get to keep what she’s paid me. So long as I close up the flat and postpone any upgrades, if I add in a bit from my salary every week that cash would be enough to pay the service charges and Council Tax and give me a year or two of breathing space. But if I stay here and return Maude’s money I’ll have to run the flat and upgrade it as well as restarting the Little Cornish Kitchen in a new venue. And that’s a lot more outlay than George’s part time work will cover. To do all that I’d need loans and business plans. And a lot more courage than I’ve got.
When I think of packing, I can’t bear to think of going without my penguins and my musical box and Laura’s basket of recipes, so this trip I’ll be traveling heavy rather than light. And however horrified I was the day it arrived I’ll find it hard to leave without my mixer. As for Laura’s silk bathrobe, I wear that every day. And there are so many pretty cups I’ve become attached to, and piles of books and photos. And my sea glass key ring with the silver star fish and Joe’s sea glass heart.
Charlie’s tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. ‘What about the market you’ve built up in St Aidan this summer?’
‘I’d probably put that on hold for now.’ Hopefully that will put an end to it. I roll my eyes because this is all I’m hearing lately, although admittedly when Sophie, Nell and Plum say it they sound less like bank managers. ‘So what are your plans? Will it be autumn at Hawthorne Farm for you?’ We all know he’ll be chopping Sophie’s place into smaller units to sell on, but asking again takes the heat off me.
There’s more of the same finger tapping. ‘It’s very exciting. Yesterday afternoon the planners told us they’d be open to proposals for a small number of new-build units at the farm.’ He says it as cooly as if he’d said he was going to eat a cupcake.
‘What?’ It comes out as a shout because I don’t believe what I’m hearing.
‘We’re working towards a development of twelve super-insulated homes with zero carbon footprint in the top field.’ He’s still staring straight ahead at the road, which is good in one way, but could go down as avoidance tactics. There’s a smile playing around his lips. ‘When we looked into it around the time Sophie bought, we got the knock back. But there’s a national directive for new home building now, so fingers crossed, it’ll probably get the green light.’
I can’t believe he’s pulled such a low-down trick. ‘Have you told Sophie?’
He drags in a breath. ‘She knows, and we’ve written it into the sale contract that if the houses go ahead they’ll get extra payment.’
It comes out as a moan. ‘She adored those meadows, all the bunches of flowers she brought for the parties came from there.’ We all loved them especially when they were filled with bees and drifts of blue and yellow petals.
He blows out his cheeks. ‘The point is, Sophie loves Siren House more. If it wasn’t us, someone else would build the houses. At least this way we know they’ll be done in the most sensitive way possible.’
I can’t help but feel angry. Just when he seemed like he was human he wrecks it by doing this. ‘So where are we going now?’ I’m past playing games here.
‘I’m actually taking you to one of our developments now. Hopefully then you’ll see for yourself, modern buildings can add to the landscape. I personally think these ones are beautiful from the outside and to live in. But you’ll have to make up your own mind on that.’
As we round the corner we come across a cluster of white boxes, clinging to the hillside and overlooking the sea. I’m biting back my agitation. ‘So you got me up at stupid o’clock just so I could admire your effing houses?’
As he draws up into the wide windswept car park with views straight down to the beach he’s looking at me at last, and his brow’s all furrowed. ‘Not entirely.’
I take in the smooth stucco walls, marigolds bending against the wind from the sea, succulents in roughhewn planters and sleeper steps winding up the gaps between the buildings. ‘It’s kind of Greek and Cornish all at the same time.’ When his eyes are sad like this they go extra dark and have the same melting effect on me as Diesel’s. The only positive in going away is that at least I won’t have to look at him and lust after him any more.
‘You can decide for yourself when you’ve been inside. We’re actually here to see Laura’s friend, Jenny.’ It comes out in a rush.
I remember who she is. ‘The tenant who used to rent the flat?’
‘That’s the one.’ He’s talking more slowly now. ‘Thanks to Diesel, we got to know each other quite well over the years. Jenny loved him as a pup.’
I hadn’t realised they’d known each other so long.
‘When Jenny was sorting out the flat to leave, I was actually drinking tea with her when she came across the letter in the pocket of the dressing gown.’
My stomach drops. ‘So you knew about that all along?’
He gives a perplexed sigh. ‘Only that it was there, not what it said. The first day on the balcony I tried to point you towards it, but when you didn’t pick up the lead I decided it was best to take a step back. The flat is full of things from the past. I suspect Laura wanted you to discover the truth for yourself.’
I blow with the frustration of it all. ‘Her letter still doesn’t tell me what happened.’ The one thing that has come to light is that Joe is a few months older than me. But that makes it all the more complicated.
He sighs again. ‘You were supposed to work out there was one person who could help you. If you’re thinking of leaving, I wanted you to have the last piece of the puzzle so you could close the circle before you go.’
There are tears rolling down my face and I don’t even know why I’m crying. ‘Jenny knows?’ It feels like the wall I’ve been bashing my head against is falling away.
