He sighs and shakes his head. ‘If I could, I’d swap places with Erin. This is just so unfair on Gracie and Teddie.’
I know he means it. ‘However scared you feel right now, you’ll find a way through. You’re every bit good enough for those children. I can’t imagine anyone who’d step up and care for them more or better than you. If I was going to die, I can’t think of anyone I’d rather look after my kids.’ I’m not just saying it. It’s true. He might have taken a while to get into his stride, but now he couldn’t be trying harder. There’s just so much heart there. I can feel his forearm flexing through the soft cotton of his shirtsleeve. ‘You know, we’ll all be here to help you. We’ll find a way to make it work.’
‘Thanks, Berry. But you might not be here.’ He rakes his fingers through his hair. ‘I wanted to talk to you about that too. I finished your playlist.’
‘That’s why you wanted me to come over tonight?’
He takes a breath. ‘That was the excuse. Really I wanted to talk about ways you might stay on.’ He pauses. ‘I don’t want to come between you and Luc. But I thought if we could work out a workable alternative, at least then you’d have a proper choice when he asks you to go back to him.’
I’m a lot less confident than he is about Luc wanting me back. ‘You think I should stay?’
‘Everyone does. We can all see you could have a great future here. As Poppy says, there’s easily enough work for another photographer. If you don’t want to do it on your own, I’ll help you. We make a great team. There’s nothing I’d like more.’
I have to protest, because the thought of giving up my safe salary and starting a business from scratch makes my heart stop. ‘But weddings really aren’t my thing.’
His lips give the smallest twist of amusement. ‘Are you sure?
‘Actually, you’re right. I don’t mind them so much when I think of the ways I made a difference to Katie and Becky and Saffy and Sophie and Zoe and Nancy. And how warm I felt inside, when there was even one picture they were delighted with.’ However lovely that felt, I’d never dare to make the leap to something so insecure.
Rory gives a nod. ‘You’re so great with people. You can’t tell me you get the same satisfaction from working with plates of sausages, even if you do get awards for it.’ He bites his lip. ‘When you’ve found something you’re brilliant at, it’s a shame not to make a success of it.’
I wrinkle my nose. ‘But I’m not that kind of person. Especially not in St Aidan. Freya was the bright star in our family, not me.’ The boys have done well, but that’s different because they were younger.
He narrows his eyes. ‘You know, Berry, as I see it, your whole life you’ve been hiding behind Freya, even though she’s not here any more. The last few weeks, since you’ve been forced to do the things you were scared of, you’ve come so far. If only you’ll let yourself make the leap, the future could be so exciting.’
I’m agonising. ‘Me daring to do stuff would feel too much like I’m trying to be Freya. I’d rather stay just how we were.’ I’ve never thought about it like this before. But now he’s mentioned it, I know he’s right. The last thing I want to do is take my wonderful sister’s place.
He puts his fist to his chin. ‘Freya would have wanted you to have the happiest and best time you can. She wouldn’t want you to settle for anything less than amazing. She’d want you to fly. I think you owe it to her to go for this.’
‘So you’re saying I should stay and work with you, as a wedding photographer in St Aidan?’ When Poppy mentioned a similar thing the day I second shot with Jules, I was horrified. Tonight, when I’m already feeling a tiny pang that there won’t be any more pictures of brides getting ready, it’s a lot more tempting.
He nods. ‘Surrounded by friends, making the most of all your talents. It’s what we all think.’
‘Are you ganging up on me here?’
He smiles. ‘Poppy, Immie and I did get together on this. You’ve got some big decisions ahead. You need to find the courage to make the right choices.’
I’m swallowing back the lump in my throat, because he’s worked out what I haven’t, in more than twenty years. ‘Thanks for that, Rory.’
‘Back at you, Holly Postman. No one makes me man up quite like you do.’ He’s got those thoughtful wrinkles in his forehead again. ‘By the way, where do you stand on sledging?’ It’s random stuff like this that makes him so funny.
I can’t help laughing. ‘You should know that. Firmly at the bottom of the hill. Every time.’
A smile plays around his lips. ‘So you’ve never felt the thrill of whooshing downhill?’ Those crinkles at the edge of his eyes get me just as much now as they always did.
I need to be firm on this. ‘Downhill, fast and snow? All three together would be up there with my least favourite experiences of all time.’ Not that it’s a problem, given snow in Cornwall happens once in a blue moon. Seeing it happened last year, I’m safe. But in case he has other ideas, I need to move this on. ‘So when will you have more news from the hospital?’
He pulls a face. ‘A few hours, maybe.’
It seems the least I can do. ‘Shall I wait with you?’
‘I’d like that. If you don’t mind.’ He pushes himself up and stretches. ‘You start on your playlist, and I’ll go down and tell Rafe you don’t need a lift. No Christmas tunes in there, I promise. You already know the first song.’
‘S Club 7?’ I’m bracing myself for a punishing couple of hours.
He tugs on his jacket. ‘It’s a mix. Some to make you happy, some sad ones, some with a message. Some to make you remember us, if you decide not to stay. It’s your call to decide which are which.’ Then he gets out his phone and adjusts the volume down as the first bars come pounding out of the speakers. ‘And Gracie and Teddie will definitely be here for Christmas. So if you’ve got any brilliant ideas for presents …’ His eyes are still dark with worry, but at least he’s lost the hopeless look.
‘I’ll see what I can think of.’ I smile as I wave him out of the door. ‘How are you with shopping?’
