There are times when this local right for involvement in people’s private business gets way too much. ‘And you care about this because?’
He lets out a sigh. ‘It seems a pity, that’s all. Given how good you are with Gracie and Teddie. You don’t want to leave it too late and end up like Immie and Erin.’
Who aren’t similar at all. ‘Seeing as you’re so concerned with fertility issues, what about yours?’ I have zero interest in the subject, but it might teach him that being grilled isn’t pleasant.
His wince is visible. ‘I told you, since the brain injury I don’t have relationships. So there definitely won’t be any kids for me.’
Shit, and shit again, because whatever he says, he didn’t tell me the half of it. ‘You hurt yourbrain? That’s why Marilyn covered you in lippy? What the hell happened?’
He gives a rueful grin. ‘All those wrecked cars when I was a teenager, and the one time I did bash my head, it wasn’t me driving.’
‘Was it really bad, then?’
He laughs. ‘I’m still here, aren’t I? Apparently, the coma lasted weeks and when I woke up I couldn’t move or remember anything. But the body has an amazing ability to recover.’ He gives a grimace. ‘After a couple of years of rehab, most things worked again.’
‘Crap, Rory. Why didn’t you say?’
His brow crinkles. ‘Why would I? That’s where the YouTube clips are from. TheFight for this loveclip was the first thing I laughed at, when they were trying to get me to reconnect with my emotions. I keep it on my iPad for old time’s sake. It’s great it’s come in handy again.’
I’m biting my lip because the thought of the most vibrant guy I know cut down and hurting makes my chest ache. ‘But you’re better now?’ He has to be, sitting there like nothing happened.
As he folds his arms, it’s as if he’s explained this a thousand times before. ‘I’m great so long as I don’t read too much, or make my brain process too much information at once. I did try going back to my old job, but that wasn’t ever going to be a goer.’
‘But weren’t you a top lawyer?’ How awful is this? ‘And that’s why you can’t play sport any more?’
He nods. ‘Once I got better, hanging round watching my work friends in Bristol tearing ahead with their careers was the biggest headfuck of all. So I came back here instead and put all my energy into Huntley and Handsome, and then Roaring Waves. The world’s definitely a better place now I’m selecting wines and making beer.’ It’s typical of Rory to pull the best out of the worst.
I’m kicking myself for writing him off as an eternal teenager having a midlife crisis. ‘Without your accident, there’d be no Bad Ass Santa and Jess wouldn’t have her fabulous Prosecco deal.’ I chew on my nail as I puzzle to fit the pieces together. ‘But why stop seeing women? I thought all guys in rehab fell in love with their physiotherapists.’
This sigh is the longest. ‘Even though I recovered, the trauma meant my brain was extra vulnerable. They couldn’t guarantee I wasn’t going to have another brain bleed at any moment.’ As he turns to look at me, my stomach drops. ‘It wasn’t fair to lay that one on a partner.’
No wonder Marilyn was rubbing his head. I’m looking at the stubble on his cheeks and the soft brown eyes and the dimples. And his jaw, and the way, even when he isn’t smiling, he looks like he is. And thinking about how he might not have been here at all sends my chest into a peculiar kind of spasm. My heart’s breaking so much for the way his life’s been so screwed up, all I want to do is reach out. Put my hand on his cheek. Run my fingers through his hair, so I can feel the heat of his scalp and know he’s alive. I wedge my wrist under my knee, because touching him is the last thing I want to do.
‘So Holly Christmas …’
As he turns to me, I’m close enough to see the flecks in his irises, count the individual eyelashes. As he licks his lip and swallows, I’m watching the column of his neck so closely that somehow I ease the grip on my wrist. A second later, his stubble is rubbing against my palm and my fingertips are tingling as they scrape across his cheekbone. As my fingers entwine in his hair and he slowly leans towards me, his voice is low.
‘Good call, Berry …’
However much I was hyperventilating at weddings, this is different. The breath I’ve pulled in is so long, I’ve stopped breathing altogether and all I can hear is my heart banging against my chest wall. Then the tiniest, most tentative, knock on the door makes me lurch back so hard I almost yank Rory’s hair out.
‘Shit.’ I dive back to the end of the sofa.
‘Jeez.’ Rory’s hand finds mine and just for a second he squeezes, very hard. Then as the door swings open and Poppy tiptoes in he pulls away too.
She’s talking in a whisper, so she doesn’t disturb the kids. ‘Holly, great, you’re still here.’ She stops as she takes in the tree in the corner. ‘Wow, so pretty, cool reindeer.’
Rory hits the ground running. ‘All we need now are some snowmen. I thought I’d make some origami ones this evening.’
I’m frowning at him. ‘How do you know about origami?’ I think we’ve got away with that. However much he’s tugging at my heartstrings, rubbing the face of a guy who doesn’t want to date any more isn’t great judgement. When it feels that good and I’m actually supposed to be aching for my long-lost ex to turn up, it’s bonkers. Marilyn can afford to let her hands wander. But I can’t. I need to sit on them more successfully in future.
‘It was an obsession when I was nine. Around the same time I got my electric guitar and my first tractor. Leave the snowmen to me, they’ll be on the tree by morning.’
Poppy’s flapping her hands as she tries to break into the conversation. ‘Holly, we need to go to St Aidan.’ She stops, then her voice goes higher. ‘Like, really really fast, right now.’
I jump up and pull on my jacket. ‘Is there a problem?’ I let out a gasp. ‘Omigod, is the baby coming?’ From her agonised grimace, if it’s not labour, it has to be something cataclysmic.
She closes her eyes, takes a breath, flaps her fingers in front of her face, and when she looks at me again, her smile’s bright and she’s got her best customer service voice on. ‘At Brides by the Sea, we choose our phrases very carefully at the less-easy times. We have issues, not problems. And never disasters.’
