He rolls his eyes. “It’s no trouble. Youtwo get.”
Not about to argue against relinquished dish duties, I stand. Oakley joins me as Ash mutters something to himself aboutturning into a real damn cowboy.
Oakley wanders toward the back door, so I do the same, both of us stepping out onto the deck. There’s a jitteriness to Oakley’s movements as we stop along the glass at the back of the house, but when I reach for his arm, he skirts my grip, turning to face me.
“Did you mean that?” he asks, a frantic sort of gleam in his eyes that makes the blue look bright amidst the brown.
“Mean what?”
He tosses his hand toward the dining room. “What you said in there. That you’re not interested in dating.”
“Well, yeah,” I say slowly.
Oakley blows out a short breath, bending at the waist before nodding several times. “Yeah, okay. Wow. I really thought…”
“You thought what?” I ask. “What’s going on?”
“I just, uh…Shit. I don’t think this is a good idea anymore.”
“What’s not?”
“Us,” he practically spits, his hand flicking between him and me. “Fucking around.”
My gut sinks like a stone.
Is that what it feels like to him? Fucking around?
“Oak…”
“I can’t, Law.” He shakes his head quickly, disrupting his already unruly hair. “I know I said I was okay with it. With this. Well, now I’m not.”
My throat closes up real fast, this conversation not one I thought we’d be having. Ever. “I don’t… I don’t get it. What changed?”
He huffs an incredulous laugh that feels all sorts of wrong. “Really?”
“Yeah, really.”
“Jesus Christ, Lawson. I know you can miss what’s right in front of you sometimes, but surely you see it?”
I take a reflexive step backwards, hurt flaring in my chest. Oakley’s eyes go soft, instant regret there.
“I’msorry, Law. Fuck, I’m making a mess of this.” He paces a step away, looking out over my family’s land. The dairy cattle are moving about, some sheltered in the shade of wide-branched trees. When Oakley turns back, his face is resolute. “You talked about choice in there. I get a choice, too. I needa be done.”
My mouth opens, but Oakley steps past me without another word. I grab his arm, my alarm ratcheting. He doesn’t pull from my grip, but there’s wariness in his eyes. And what looks a lot like a whole lot of pain.
“The fuck, Oak? You…you can’t just leave me.”
The sound he lets out is wounded. “I’m not leaving you, Law. Not ever. I’ll always be here. I’ll always beyours.” He slowly plucks my hand off his arm. “But if we keep this up, I’m the one who ends up getting hurt. And I know you don’t want that, either. Find someone else to have fun with.”
With that, Oakley rounds the corner of the deck toward the dining room door. He shoves his feet into his boots as I rush after him, my pulse racing fast.
“How does that hurt you, Oak?”
He ignores my shout, passing through the dining room with me at his heels. A few of my family members stop what they’re doing, watching us pass. I don’t look away from Oakley’s back.
“Hey,” I call, the man barreling through the front door now. “How does it hurt you?”
Oakley stops at the bottom of the porch stairs, the look on his face when he turns around carefully shuttered. He’s nothing but stone when he’s always been utterly transparent with me. Warm and bright. Not now. Now, there’s ice in his eyes that chills me to the bone. “The fact that you don’t even know says everything, Law. I’ll see you later, all right?”
