“I meant it,” I say, voice hoarse.
He nods, brushing wet hair off his face, a few droplets of water staying on his eyelashes like dewdrops. “I know you did. It’s why I had to bring you home. So you could keep that promise.”
I swallow, the motion causing my chin to dip below the surface. “Are you still angry at me for leaving?”
He makes a short sound. “I told you I wasn’t.”
“I know.It’s just…”
After a beat of silence, Lawson swims closer to me, his expression ever so soft. For how rough he is at first glance—all dark hair and equally dark if not neatly trimmed stubble, strong features, and height to boot—Lawson has always had a softness about him that’s made me feel undeniably protective. Even when we were young. Even still.
“It was the right choice for you then,” Lawson says quietly, the nearby kids paying us no mind as they call to one another and splash in the water. “But now, Oak? Now, this is right. You being here. You know it as well as I do. I’m not angry at your past choices. I’m immensely grateful for your current ones.”
I have to look away for a moment, Lawson’s words hitting deep in a way he’s singularly capable of. “You’re really happy to have me back, huh?”
“Of course I am. The sex doesn’t hurt, either.”
I sputter. “Jesus, Lawson.”
“What?”
The man’s eyes are twinkling, telling me he knowsexactlywhat. “You’re such a shit underneath all your professionalism, you know that? You remind me of Colton that way.”
Lawson’s face screws up. “I do not.”
“You do. You’re more like your brothers than you realize.”
He grunts, and I huff a laugh at his disgruntled expression.
“They’re good guys,” I note.
He doesn’t deny it. “Told Remi I’m gay.”
The shock of that statement has me paddling closer to shore, in need of a damn footing. Lawson stays with me, the two of us standing once our feet can touch the bottom. The kids are behaving, but I still keep half an eye on them, as does Lawson. An adult on shore is doing the same.
“How are you feeling about that?” I ask, voice low.
“Telling Remi or being gay?”
“Either? Both?”
He shrugs one shoulder. “Telling Remi was fine. I didn’t really plan it. It just happened.”
I don’t have to ask, but I do. “He took it well?”
“Of course. The rest of my family will, too. Once I tell them.”
I nod. “And…your sexuality?”
Lawson is silent for a moment, his eyes on the kids as he takes time to consider his emotions. It’s something I’ve always found endearing about the man. The fact that he stops and assesses instead of just blurting out the first thought in his head. He doesn’t shy away from what he’s feeling, even if, at times, he doesn’t fully understand it.
“I’ve been mulling it over a lot. How I could’ve spent so much of my life not knowing. But then I realize thereweresigns, I just didn’t understand them at the time. I always felt like…like I was chasing something indistinct. It was just out of reach, you know? But one time with you, Oak, and itclicked. It was so clear to me, so strong I could practically hold it in the palm of my hand. It wasn’t a murky sense ofmaybe, butthis, this right here is what it should be. And now, if I think about going back to what I had before or trying with some other woman, I just… I can’t even imagine it. It feels wrong on every level, like a betrayal, to contemplate it.”
“Then don’t,” I tell him firmly, squeezing his sun-warmed shoulder. “You don’t need to put yourself through painful hypotheticals, Law. If you know, you know. Simple as that.”
“It doesn’t feel simple at all. Attraction… It’s so complicated, isn’t it? There are so many ways to want a person. Or not.”
“There are,” I say softly, shifting my hand up to Lawson’s neck before I can stop myself. He doesn’t shy away from my touch—he never has. It makes it difficult tolet go, but I do, my hand dropping back to my side. “It feels right, though? The thought of yourself with a man?”
