“I’m not bisexual,” he says, a hitch in his voice, even as he sounds more certain than before. “Not straight, either.”
“Are… I mean, are you sure?”
His chuckle is hollow, the shake of it like a small tremor. “I’m pretty damn sure, Oak. I don’t even know how to explain it. I just…” There’s a pause, achingly long, before he says, “Imagine you’ve been given the same ice cream all your life. You’re told it’s ice cream, and you have no reason to doubt that’s the truth. But then, one day, someone gives you a kind you’ve never had before. It’s full-fat and tastes completely different, and you realize all this time you’ve been eating frozen yogurt. And this,this, is ice cream. The real deal. You’re sure of it.”
Lawson lets out a heaving breath, his back warm where I’m pressed against him. I don’t interrupt, even as my mind reels.
“I didn’t know,” he continues, a sort of pain in his voice I wish I could erase. “I didn’t know because…I never wanted a guy like this. I had Laura, and I thought I found what everyone talked about when they spoke of romance and a perfect match. But it wasn’t right. Not for me. It wasn’t…this.”
Lawson turns his face enough for me to get a glimpse of his eyes, tears lining the brown.
“Fuck,” he says with feeling. “I’m gay, Oak.”
I press my face to the back of Lawson’s neck, my arms snaking underneath his chest so I can hold him in a hug, trembling as it is. Every piece of me, trembling. “Law.”
“I know,” he says, his voice hitching again. “Believe me, I know.”
Over twenty years. So much time he spent with Laura. In her bed. Making a life with her out of a sense of loyalty, even if it never fulfilled Lawson’s own needs. He stuck with itbecause he never knew anything else. Until he did. Until he realized he wasn’t happy. Until he couldn’t keep with it any longer.
“I didn’t know,” he says again. “Because I don’t think attraction works for me the way it works for most folks.”
I nod against him, inhaling a slow, slow breath, neither of us having moved an inch from our spots kneeling on the floor.
“But I know what that was,” he goes on roughly. “That was ice cream.”
Despite it all, I huff a pained laugh, my chest so tight it feels as if it might snap. “God, Law. I’msosorry. But I’m glad, at least, that you figured it out.”
“Thanks to you.”
My swallow is heavy. “It was never like that with Laura?”
“No,” he says without hesitation. “It wasn’t. Not even close.”
I nod again, loath to let go of the man but knowing we can’t stay like this forever. “Should we get cleaned up? Or do you need another minute?”
He sighs, his back bowing beneath me. “Let’s clean up.”
It takes some effort to disentangle and stand, my knees protesting the rough surface they were on while I fucked Lawson. I try not to think about that right now. Instead, I swipe off the condom and hold a hand Lawson’s way, helping him to stand with his own wince and grunt. Heading to the bathroom, I toss the condom and turn the shower on, not surprised when Lawson walks right in, naked as the day he was born.
Iamsurprised when his hand snakes out from behind the curtain before I can exit the room, halting my momentum. “Where are you going?”
“Uh. Figured I’d let you shower first.”
He makes a sound of impatience, giving me a firm tug. Feeling a bit like I’m dreaming, I step in beside my friend, his body already wet. There’s cum on his stomach that he drags ahand over, his cock hanging softly and the man himself utterly unperturbed by sharing a shower. As if that’s something we do. As ifanyof this is normal.
My heart pounds heavily as I watch him soap off. There’s a realness to Lawson’s body I appreciate, time having softened his edges some, a lack of vanity or self-consciousness leaving him unbothered by my gaze yet entirely unaware of the effect he has on me. His eyes flit to mine for a second before sliding down to a new set of bruises on the side of my abdomen.
He winces slightly. “What happened there?”
“The usual. Bumped up a bit during a round-up.”
His fingers skate over the spot, and my stomach muscles jump. It’s such a soft touch, so instinctual, not sexual, not suggestive, just…Lawson.
I clear the tightness from my throat, although my voice still comes out hoarse. “Are you all right?”
He nods, his touch flitting away. Lawson finishes rinsing under the showerhead before stepping aside in a clear invitation for me to take his place. “Feeling foolish, mostly. That I didn’t know this about myself. How couldn’t I have known, Oak?”
“Like you said, you’d only tried frozen yogurt.”
