“Bit of a double standard there,Dad. You’ve fucked the club girls, how did you say it? Time and time again? And you probably can’t even count all the other one-night stands you’ve had. So who’s the whore now?”
My hand starts to rise but luckily my mind kicks into gear before it lands a slap on Ace’s face. He’s made me angry, and once my temper’s lost, I tend to freak out and don’t know when to stop. Rather than saying anything more, I march to the door, open it, step out, then slam it behind me. Childish, huh? But yeah, that’s how mad he’s made me.
He has no idea what he’s talking about. How dare he compare my sexual activities with that of a whore! There’s absolutely no comparison.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
TRIXIE
Somehow, I’d managed to hold my head up high as I walked across the clubroom leaving Freak and his intention to take Star to bed behind. I’d rounded the bar, and to Knight’s astonishment, grabbed a bottle of Jack without a word. Something in my face must have stopped him from questioning me.
I exited through the back door and took the gravel path that leads to the bunkhouse. Entering, I make my way to my room on the second floor. The door only just closes behind me before the tears start to fall.
Stupid, stupid whore. Did you really think Freak liked you?Or as anything more than a convenient pussy? I certainly don’t want Freak to treat me differently because of the part I played in the traumatic last couple of days. No, I want him to see me differently, not out of gratitude for my actions, but because, at last, he’s seeing the woman I really am beneath my uniform of skimpy clothes.
I stumble to the bed, sink down on it, place the whiskey on the nightstand, then go to extract a tissue – changing my mindat the last minute and taking the whole box. As the tears fall faster than I can mop them up, a full on self-pity party begins, and I can do nothing to stop it. I know part of my breakdown is a continuing reaction as a result of me entering the MDMC club, what-might-have-beens circle my head even though I want them to stop. And that’s coupled with the hateful way that Freak dismissed me, hateful to me, of course, to him it was normal to choose a free club girl to spend a pleasant couple of hours with. He’d done nothing wrong, I’d known what I was signing up for five years ago.
Sobs rack my body as I let everything out, I use tissue after tissue, just tossing the discarded ones beside me onto the bed, soon finding out crying as if my heart will break is not the best thing to do with bruised ribs. But the pain just makes my misery worse, my despair cycles between physical and mental anguish. Giving up mopping the tears, I wrap both arms around myself, lean forward and start to rock, as my mind flits from one thing to the next.
Ace, the ten-year-old kid I first met when I decided to stay with the Kings. It was obvious, in his own way, Freak was trying to be the best dad he could be, but there were times when the boy needed a woman’s touch. A band aid to the knee when he’d fallen, cookies as a stop gap to satisfy the appetite of his growing body. Someone to listen when he’d had a hard day at school, or when he needed to vent when his nana had limited his screen time for some, in her eyes, miscreant behaviour. And even more recently, just to be there, ready with a hug, when he was frustrated that he couldn’t find a problem with his coding. While I didn’t understand everything he said, that wasn’t necessary to comfort him.
At first, I’d wondered how Freak had come to be a single parent, but I’d taken my cue from the others, how Ace had come into being was Freak’s story to tell, and he’d never told it.
While the softer side of raising a kid may have been lacking, I couldn’t criticise him for how he was raising his kid. Especially considering Ace’s early life couldn’t have been easy. By the time I’d arrived, Freak was able to cope with Ace’s inability to deal with things which came naturally to everyone else. The reason for a meltdown was swiftly recognised and addressed, and often, Freak headed them off at the pass before they became an issue.
It was intriguing to watch this muscled, fierce enforcer give time to his son. I suspect I was the only one to recognise this caring side of him. Oh, I know he came by his road name legitimately, and as I’ve witnessed him freak out more than once, I admit it was frightening. I’ve also seen how he’s fought to keep his temper under control. And how I’ve never seen him lose it in front of his son.
Some women might be put off by his size and bulging muscles, but as I was recovering from the injuries Piero had inflicted, I’d noticed him, particularly as he was so different from my husband whose body was soft, and lacking in the muscular department. Maybe that was what had attracted me to him, out of all the men, I’d found him sexy from day one.
Going to his bed wasn’t a hardship, stopping myself from falling for him was. While I’d been disappointed, maybe it was for the best he’d never called on me for a repeat. The attraction had clearly purely only been one-sided, and I was left admiring him from afar.
Until Ace’s abduction, when we finally got onto the same side. We’d communicated so easily, were on the same wavelength. When he kissed me, it was like a dream come true – I’ve never been kissed so passionately. Then, last night, we’d slept with Ace between us, as if we were a unit, a family. I was beginning to think that, for the first time in five years, he was beginning to see me as me, and not just a hole to be filled.
A violent sob escapes. Why did he bother to rescue me from Rattler? For a few glorious seconds, I’d thought it meant he was possessive and jealous of me. Then, he’d dismissed me, so cruelly and coldly.
Club girls mean nothing to members, they’re just club property.Had Freak used that as a way to remind me, to make sure I knew my position? Now Ace is back, he has no use for me.
Of course he doesn’t. I’m nothing to him. Certainly not someone to start a relationship with, let alone make an old lady. No King would think of degrading themselves or stooping so low.
I made my choice five years ago.
I’m safe here, it’s my sanctuary, a place where Piero wouldn’t ever dream of looking for me. With any luck he’ll think I’m dead, believe that a naïve woman, knowing nothing of the world, quickly found her end on the streets. I can’t bank on that though, I’m not free to leave. Piero might still be searching.
Up to now, sex with the brothers hasn’t been a chore, I get pleasure enough to satisfy me. I like the men, like being part of the family, even if I’m at the bottom of their priorities. Now? For some unknown fucking reason, my gut tells me letting the others fuck me would be a betrayal of Freak.
How the fuck do I deal with this? How do I cope, even now Freak is over in the clubhouse fucking Star? If I hadn’t stopped him, it might have been me. But I’d made my choice and had walked away. Had I been wrong? No, I don’t want crumbs. I want the whole thing.
And, anyway, Freak’s priority tonight shouldn’t be getting his dick wet. He should be with Ace, making sure he’s okay. But Freak’s a man, what more could I expect?
A knock sounds at my door. Hastily I blot my tears, then stuff my hand into my mouth to keep quiet. I’m in no mood to talk toanyone tonight, and certainly not up to having sex with any of the brothers who might call on me.
The knock sounds again.Just go away,I inwardly scream.
Then, to my horror, the door handle starts to turn. I’ve got a lock on my door, but don’t use it often. I freeze. Not many here would just walk in. But the person who enters is the last person I expected to see. Especially as I thought she was otherwise engaged.
“Oh, fuck, Trix.” Star runs across to me. “Babe, you’ve been crying.”
Yeah, the avalanche of used tissues, which I hurriedly try to bundle together, bear witness to that. I try to explain myself. “It just all caught up with me.”
