“Cameron and I were friends for years, and maybe it was my own fault that I felt more, wanted more, but I did. It seemed he did not, so I didn’t pursue it. I actually met someone else who was kind, sweet, and loved me. Someone who wanted me, even if my heart was never truly with him. Accepting his love for me was wrong when I knew I couldn’t match it. I was using it as a substitute for what I could not have. Sometimes, I would let myself pretend I loved him back, but feelings cannot be forced. The heart cannot lie. It refuses. No matter what I did, my heart always belonged to Cameron.”
“Did you ever tell him or try to?”
I shook my head. “He was always enamored with someone else. Most were nothing serious, always fleeting trysts throughout the years, all except for one.”
“Who was it?”
I took a shuddering deep breath before exhaling in a huff. “Elianna. One of the councilors from The Order. I don’t think he knew she worked for Nismera, but I can’t say for sure after all that has happened. When I found he was sleeping with her, I asked her about it. I don’t know why I didn’t ask him, but I just couldn’t. She confirmed their relationship and that it had been going on for a while behind everyone’s back. Another lie and another deception. He kept secrets from us all. She threw all kinds of threats at me if I dared to speak of it to anyone.” I waved my hand dismissively. “Empty threats that meant nothing, and they were unnecessary because the final, fragile hope that I had left broke that day. I hadn’t made up my mind on whether I would try to talk to him about it, and in the end, it was a moot point. I was already engaged, and when Cameron found out, he erupted at me. At the time, it was everything I wanted to hear. Looking back, it was just more proof of his deception, keeping his true feelings a secret from me for so long. I was angry and confused, but also … happy. I left to speak to Presley, and in the middle of me calling everything off, Kaden showed up. He killed Presley in front of me, and then made me into … Well, you saw.”
“Gods, Xavier.” She shook her head. “I’m so sorry.”
“In the beginning of being taken over, I could kind of hear sounds, but it was dark. I think it takes some time for the spell to hollow us out, preparing us to be the perfect soldiers. By the time I could finally see out of my own eyes, even if I could not use my body, I was already in Nismera’s legion, and I never saw Cameron again. Not until today when …”
“Blayne showed you everything?”
I nodded. “He has been with Kaden the whole time, even made a commander under her reign, while I suffered.”
Jaycee rested her hand on mine and squeezed it, seeking to comfort me.
“It seems Samkiel is also working with him,” I said. “I don’t know what’s going on, and I want to trust them, but … I can’t forgive Kaden for what he did and what he took. I don’t understand how they can even stand to be anywhere near them without trying to kill them. Have they forgotten about me? I thought they loved me. They are my family.”
Jaycee pulled down her collar, revealing a pale scar that ran over her collarbone and disappeared beneath her black athletic shirt. “Sometimes friends, and even family, are not what they are promised to be.”
“I guess they aren’t,” I said, sorrow shredding my heart like a dull blade.
54
CAMILLA
Aloud horn signaled that the old, half-cracked trading ship we had snuck on had docked at Goldpass. Elianna, Vincent, and I were completely disguised beneath a cloaking spell, merging into the crowd as we hit the dock. Several ships clung to the moorings, all old and decades past the point of when they should have been retired. The newer, fancier ones were on the other side of the river that split the city, running through it like a highway. People bustled around us, shopkeepers calling to the passersby, advertising their wares and deals. I dropped my cloaking spell as we continued to make our way to the heart of the city.
“I need to pee,” Elianna said, standing on her tiptoes. “Where is the closest bathroom?”
“Are you serious? How would we fucking know? Can’t you figure anything out for yourself?” Vincent said, caustic sarcasm dripping from his words.
“Must you always be a brute?” she asked, narrowing her eyes at him.
“Must you always be spoiled?”
“Fine! I’ll find it myself,” Elianna huffed imperiously. She tossed her long red hair, purposely hitting him in the face. He growled and spat the ends out of his mouth, batting the strands away.
I shook my head at their antics. They had gotten along somewhat better, but bickering seemed to be their common language.
Elianna stalked toward a shopping center, weaving through the crowd, deftly avoiding the pickpockets and grifters.
“Are you afraid someone will recognize her since everyone is looking for us?”
Vincent shook his head. “No. We’re so far north that they won’t look for us here. It’s too close to The Eye.”
Well, that probably explained why Goldpass looked so clean and healthy, the people happy and content. So many wore jewels and finer clothes that I would have sworn we’d been transported to the wealthiest city in all the realms. Which, to be fair, may be the case. It was one of the largest trading ports, with hundreds of people passing through here every day, coming from far and wide. The streets were cobblestone, laid out in an intricate, beautiful pattern without a stone cracked or out of place.
The buildings reached for the sky, paying homage to the young sun. Its beams reflected from the windows, scattering an array of shimmering colors over the people below. A fountain the size of a small shop graced what must have been the town square. People sat around it at small tables, eating delicious-smelling food, while lovers strolled hand in hand, and families bustled in and out of shops.
If we’d arrived here first, I would never have expected the rest of the realms to be in such complete and utter chaos. Perhaps that was the point. People were very good at hiding from truths that didn’t directly affect them. It was so much easier than facing and fighting the atrocities others endured. My stomach turned. To have no empathy at all seemed like a curse in itself.
“What is The Eye, anyway?” I asked, looking at Vincent. He ran a hand over the stray hair that had fallen into his face, still unused to the shorter style.
“That, I don’t know,” he said, watching the crowd as we waited for Elianna. “I mean, I knew of the rebels, but I never met any of them, and any from Nismera’s ranks that did ended up dead.”
