How many times can one heart break?
I buried my face in my hands and let the tears fall. Everything between Cameron and me was a lie. I was a fool, a reckless, abandoned fool. The things they had shown me were of our past and the circumstances around our first meeting. There was no way they could have made that all up. He did not want me. He never had. Our friendship, in its entirety, originated in guilt and was built on a lie.
Someone called my name, and I realized it wasn’t the first time. Gentle hands ran along my arms, and I lifted my head as Jaycee kneeled in front of me, still clad in her celestial training garbs.
“What happened?” she asked.
I blinked my tear-blurred eyes, just now realizing how exposed I was. The sun beat down on the massive main courtyard. Shadows curved around the marble columns, and celestials and mortals strode along the side passages. I hadn’t made it as far as I’d thought. My chest heaved and tears spilled as I wrapped my arms around my knees.
“Xavier.” She gripped my shoulder, trying to ground me. “What’s wrong?”
“Everything,” I managed to gasp out, my entire body shaking.
Jaycee tilted her head toward the courtyard of training celestials and grabbed my arm, helping me to my feet. She led me through the maze of hallways, past winding staircases, to her room.
The furs on her bed lay half off, and the plush chair in the corner of the room was draped in leathers and books. She sighed and led me to the bed, pushing at my chest until I sat on the edge. She ensured I was steady before moving toward a cutout section of her room. My head swam, and emotions too complicated to name beat like drums in my ears. Betrayal felt too juvenile for what I felt.
Birds sang as they flew past her large window, half the world hidden behind her curtains. Life went on, no matter what tragedy any of us faced. Nature was none the wiser to our pain, and that was the true tragedy.
Jaycee returned, holding out a steaming cup of fragrant tea. “Here. It calms my nerves.”
I forced a smile and shook my head. I didn’t think I could keep it down with how my gut was churning. Cameron had lied to me yet again, and this one twisted and shredded my already bruised heart.
She placed the cup on the nightstand and sat next to me. “This is the part where I ask if you want to talk about it, and you decline, then I remind you it’s healthy.”
My chest tightened with an all-too-familiar pain. He had lied about so much that I wasn’t even sure what bits were the source of the poison eating away at my heart. How did I talk about something I couldn’t even define?
“I don’t know if I can.”
Her hand splayed on my shoulder. “Hey, last I checked, I thought we were somewhat friends. Both of us need friends, and I have told you things that would get me in more than a little bit of trouble.”
I sighed. It was true she had. She had also helped me navigate this new world I had found myself in, getting me out of several uncomfortable situations. The truth was, there was no one else. All of my family was lost to me, maybe more so than I had ever realized.
“It’s about Cameron,” I said, and I could hear the grief in my voice when I said his name.
“Oh,” she said, her eyes widening a fraction.
She knew all about The Hand. Who didn’t? But we had been talking a few days after I arrived, and she had quickly caught on to how my tone changed and my expression shifted when I mentioned him. Her hand fell from my shoulder as she pivoted, sitting with one leg bent on the bed so she could face me. “Were you guys in love? Is that why you won’t give Blayne the time of day?”
I couldn’t help the heartbroken grimace that twisted my face, nor could I miss the sympathy in hers.
“Oh, it’s worse than that. You two never were.”
“We were friends,” I started. “Or so I thought. Blayne showed me today how that was a lie from day one.”
“How would he know?” she asked, her brows drawing.
I stared at my hands where they rested in my lap, running my thumb across my knuckles. “Because Cameron worked under Athos. On the day my sister died, Cameron’s unit was instructed to take the mission that resulted in her death. Only they didn’t. We did. I know Cameron. I know he can get out of any situation if he wishes. He lied, claiming some injury when really he was hungover and just wanted to sleep in. They showed me the documentation.”
Jaycee’s eyes flattened. “How would they have documentation if it was a secret he kept?”
“Athos manufactured the medical files for an injury that didn’t exist, and when the slaughter happened that killed most of our unit, she buried it and kept Cameron’s lie.” The words fell from my lips on a weak cry, and my eyes blurred tenfold. “I lost everything because he was lazy, selfish, and irresponsible.”
“Oh,” she said, compassion filling her eyes.
“That’s not all.”
Jaycee nodded. “Tell me everything.”
