I believed her. This wasn’t even the first time she’d cheated death.
With finality, she finished off her third coconut water and crushed the box. “Where’d we put the recycling?”
I pointed to a makeshift grocery bag in the corner.
As she gestured, the beam of her headlamp swept across the room. “If I’m going to be stuck here, we gotta fix this place up.”
“Agreed.” I didn’t think I could stand another night without electricity. Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend was dead wrong. It was Wi-Fi, thank you very much.
“Besides the rodent problem, it’s a super-dope old mansion. All we have to do is clean it up and repaint things. The fireplace is”—she pinched her fingers together in a chef’s kiss—“mwah! Can we light a fire? I might not feel the cold on my skin, but I feel it in my soul, if you know what I mean.”
I did. “We have plenty of kindling.” I pointed at the pile of Aunt Mildred’s anti-vampire décor.
“Are you sure about the book burning?”
I nodded. “We need it gone. G-O-D hates us and we can feel it.” I handed her a copy ofI Smooched Dating Farewell: A Christian Girl’s Guide to Intentional Courtship and Holy SubmissionI’d found in Tiffany’s room.
With a gasp, she dropped the nightmare reading material and blew on her poor fingers.
In no time we had a crackling blaze. The firelight danced on the wall, bright and cheerful. Heaven pulled two delightfully mismatched chairs in front of the fireplace. She settled in with a contented sigh and said, “I’m sorry I insulted your clothes.”
“It’s okay.” That dress was gorgeous, but I knew when to play nice.
“I want to make the best of this, so truce.”
“Truce,” I said.
“So I guess we’re partners, at least until I’m safe in public.”
“I would love that.” A warm glow filled my entire being, and not from the fire.
She gave me a nod and said, “You’re right. I need to post, so here we go. I’m going live.”
“More like undead,” I joked.
“Don’t push it.” She set up her phone on a makeshift tripod, draped her pink and yellow braids over one shoulder like a goddess, and pressedStart.
In an exalted tone, she belted out, “Greatest of grand risings. Today is a new day. You are a new you. Let us face the sun and recharge.” She took a deep breath like she needed the oxygen. “I have had a tough…actually, I don’t know how long it’s been.”
Another side effect of being a vampire. Time means nothing.
“But I’m back.” She took a moment and said, “You might have met my friend, Tiffenie.”
I leaned in and waved.
“I’m going to be recuperating in the Vermont countryside for a while with Tiffenie.”
While I froze, suddenly realizing she didn’t know not to share our location, she nudged me. “Oh!” I scrambled for something to say. “Heaven’s going to be fine, and I’ll be right here with her.”
“This is going to be a challenge, people, I’m not going to lie. I don’t do dark, cold, or winter sports.”
A commenter reminded her that she was supposed to talk about relationships today.
“Damn, my bad.” Heaven collected her thoughts and said, “I don’t have any new advice, but sometimes we have to go back to the foundational principles. One of those is good dick don’t make up for nothin’, because some of my heterosexual sisters need to hear that.” With a shrug, she added, “He better have a job, a car, and a place to live. This goes for anyone, he or she or they. They better be vibrating on your level or you don’t need ’em.”
Heaven got up and started walking with the camera. “At the moment, Tiffenie and I are on our own journey. This house needs fixing.” She showed her audience the surroundings. “As you can see, this is a dusty-ass, low-frequency dwelling, but that’s about to change.”
As comments from real-time viewers came in, she responded. “Hello, Houston! Yep, it’s cold up here! And hello, Australia. What time is it Down Under?”
