“Better safe than sorry?” I stood to go get her stuff from the car, grabbing the car keys. “Whatever I missed, we’ll grab in town.” Putting a fun spin on it, I said, “There are so many cute stores in Valentine.”
With an exasperated shake of her head, she said, “Gemma will send me what I need until I get out of here.” Practically growling now, she yelled, “This is insane, Tiffenie. You can’t just turn me into a vampire and move me into your dumb house in Vermont to watch Netflix on my cell phone because there isn’t even electricity.”
Gemma—oh, no. “I’m very sorry about not packing better and, well, for everything else.” Turning her into a vampire didn’t belong in the same apology as forgetting to pack hair stuff. In my most serious voice, I said, “You need to stay away from people you care about.”
She stomped up the stairs. “I’m taking your pajamas because I don’t want to wear my Halloween costume around the house tonight.” From the landing she shouted, “You turned me into a vampire and brought me a couple of T-shirts and a Halloween costume. What is the matter with you?”
After the sound of violent unpacking lessened, I crept up to the bedroom.
She held up a dress I’d worn in the ’40s with an expression of outrage. “Did you pack anything comfortable?”
I pointed to a jumpsuit that I’d ordered when my targeted ads had me by the throat. “These are very popular.”
Reluctantly, she took the zip-up onesie and walked into the bathroom to change.
Standing in the doorway, I hazarded a few words. “I know you’re mad, but I don’t want this to mess up your business. You still have your life coaching thing.”
“Do I? I haven’t posted in days, because apparently, I was in a coffin—”
“It’s fine. I told them that you were sick.” I leaned against the wall and added, “But there’s been some speculation that I killed you.”
That made her snort.
“I have to admit, I don’t really understand what you do. What is RadianceGlobalLifeCoaching?”
“I’m a life coach, Tiff,” she said, with some edge to her voice. “It’s in the name.”
Basketball coach, volleyball coach…life, though? It’s not a game to win. I kept that thought to myself.
Heaven cleared her throat and climbed up on her soapbox in the too-tight jumpsuit. “I post quality content with unique insights every morning. I’m sponsored by companies that I believe in, and I make enough money to pay for my shit.”
Surfboards and swimwear—the endorsement deals made more sense now. “But what about a retirement plan or benefits or a regular salary.How does that work?”
Heaven rolled her eyes. “I’m sorry. I forgot that you’rea thousandyears old.”
“Only three hundred.”
She scoffed.
I just didn’t get it. “You say nice things—tell people they can get rich, be beautiful, find love. But you don’t know them. You don’t know if they’re smart or beautiful or deserving. What is that—lies that ease the pain of existence?”
“You’re wrong,” she said. “I do know my followers.”
“How?”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
Cat sauntered in and jumped on Heaven’s lap. For a moment Heaven was quiet while she stroked Cat’s fur. Without all the sunshine and crystals, her demons were visible just below the surface.
Leaping up, Cat suddenly darted across the floor and snatched a mouse like it was an episode ofNational Geographic.I gasped in horror as she slowly paraded past us with the mouse in her mouth. Instead of eating it, she dropped it in one of Heaven’s slippers and waited a few feet away in pounce mode, totally still except for the last inch of her tail. The mouse made a run for it. Cat chased.
I recoiled and pulled my feet into my chest to keep them off the floor. “Cat!” I yelled. “This violence is very uncomfortable.”
Heaven shook her head like she was trying to erase the image. “You’reuncomfortable with violence,” she said pointedly.
I shrugged. “This is a side ofCatI haven’t seen.”
A while later, Cat was still torturing the mouse, but some of Heaven’s positivity had returned. “Do you think this is the first time I’ve Funshined my way out of a bad situation, Tiffenie?” she said, a discernible note of “Don’t fuck with Funshine Bear” in her voice. She was still wearing theheadlamp. It obscured her face in shadows, except for her fang-toothed smile.
