As I pulled out of the bed-and-breakfast at a reasonable speed, I gave the house one last lingering look. Heaven’s brand-new sign out front readRadiance. A Christmas tree twinkled in the front window. Vlad was watching me leave from the driveway, fuming.
According to Dr. R, happily ever after came from within. No Vlad. No Tyrone. I was going…to find myself. Destination unknown. At least I knew I was a vampire.
Cat meowed in the back. “Be patient, Cat. This could take a while.”
The radio blared with a discordant emergency alert beep. A loud robotic voice announced, “The National Weather Service has issued a blizzard warning. Be prepared for icy conditions, blowing and drifting snow, and significant accumulations. No travel advised in the state of Vermont.”
The devil was shaking my snow globe.
That felt about right. Flakes were coming down so hard and fast that the windshield wipers couldn’t clear the snow. A mile away from the house, I was driving in a whiteout. I couldn’t see the lines to know if I was on the road. If I stopped, something could run into me from behind.
Cat kept meowing, complaining about her stupid crate when a much worse fate awaited her if I didn’t keep us on the road.
“Shut up, Cat! We’re going to die if I don’t concentrate.”
Well, I wasn’t. But she could. And I couldn’t let Cat die. She had at least seven good years left.
Even going as slow as I was, I could feel the car losing connection with the road. As I approached a curve, I turned the steering wheel to no effect. The ditch was calling us home. I slammed on my brakes like you’re not supposed to do—oops—and the car spun out sideways until I slammed into something. Thankfully. It stopped me before I could crash into the river or, even worse, a quaint small business. We would just stay here until the snow died down.
“It’s okay, Cat. We’ll be fine. Just breathe.”
She howled.
What a dumb escape. I wasn’t even sure which direction I was aimed in or what I was jammed under. When there was a break in the snow, I could see I was lodged under the town welcome sign. Lol. Very funny, universe.
In that moment, I let go. I was powerless against the elements. I released my struggle and my desires. Going full Buddha, I contemplated the sign:Find your heart in Valentine!
One’s heart is not the same as true love. That one true love I’d been looking for all along was myself. I certainly couldn’t connect with someone else if I didn’t find my own heart. If you don’t love yourself, there can’t be a happily ever after. Those are the rules, for humansandfor vampires.
Dr. R’s advice about learning to love myself wasn’t new. I’d lived through (19)90s self-help culture. I’d watchedSex and the CityandGirls.EvenBridget Jones’s Diaryencouraged this kind of thing and that movie came out more than twenty years ago. But I’d never actually internalizedthese thoughts. Was that what I’d come to Valentine to learn?Well, I’m listening, universe! I don’t need to be alive or be human, I just need to connect with my own damn self!
It wasn’t Valentine’s fault for not providing my happily ever after. It was my own. Valentine was a haven, a place where I could get myself together. Everything had been telling me that, but I had been misreading the signs to fit my own romanticized idea of a happy ending. I was such a dumb bitch. It had taken me three hundred years to learn what a 112-minute movie was trying to tell me. If Sandra Bullock couldn’t be happy with Channing Tatum until after she figured out her own shit, who did I think I was to skip the hard parts?
A pair of headlights shone through my windshield. They slowed to a stop next to my car.
Wouldn’t you know, Tyrone emerged from the car doing his best impression of Prince Charming. If I hadn’t already realized I was my own Prince Charming, I might have been susceptible.
He knocked on my window and I rolled it down. “What are you doing out here?”
“What areyoudoing out here?”
“Looking for you. Vlad called. He didn’t have chains for his tires, but he knew I would.”
“Don’t joke. You were already driving around in your pickup trying out your new snow tires.”
“Well, that too.” He laughed. “You just validated all of my purchases, so thanks for that.” He stood back and assessed the situation. “I can just hook up the tow rope and pop you out in a jiff.”
I patted the passenger seat. “Before you rescue me, sit down. Let’s talk.” We were well past overdue for a real talk.
It might be weird to converse on the side of the road in a snowstorm, but Tyrone ducked inside, bringing a flurry of flakes with him. Cat mewled pathetically at the gust of cold wind.
There we were, just me and Tyrone, in the protective bubble of thehearse, the snow coming down on us.
“So, uh…the last few days have been weird,” I said, stating the obvious.
“Can’t say I’ve been bored,” he said.
“You know you didn’t kill Jeff, right?” I said.
