“Okay. Well. I can see there’s clearly still a lot of emotion here, on both sides,” Dr. Deena interjected, startling Shane. He’d almost forgotten she was still in the room. “So, things have been like this between you for the past seven years? I’m surprised you’ve been able to shoot a single episode.”
Shane shook his head, suddenly self-conscious that they’d gotten so carried away in front of her.
“No, we were able to put it behind us enough to work together. I mean, we basically just avoided each other as much as possible.” He cast a sidelong glance at Lilah. “But then, right before she left the show…”
Lilah was staring out the window now, palpably tense. He lost his nerve at the last second, choosing to keep things vague. “Things kind of…escalated again. Worse than before.”
Dr. Deena leaned forward, studying them both intently for a moment before obviously deciding not to push it. “I see. Let’s put a pin in this for now. You’re both carrying a lot of resentment over things that happened in the past, but neither of you knows how to make the first move to push past it. Our goal for these sessions is going to be to try to break the holding pattern that you’re in. I want to refocus our energy on that. You’ve known each other for a very long time and obviously used to get along. I don’t see why we can’t get there again.”
Both of them sat in skeptical silence. Dr. Deena turned to Shane.
“Now, Shane. I want you to tell Lilah one thing you like about her.”
Shane allowed himself to study Lilah. She watched him impassively, eyes hooded, before turning the other way to look out the window.
Better make it something superficial, something obvious.
He turned back to Dr. Deena. “She’s very attractive.”
“Let’s try to stick to nonphysical attributes, if we can,” Dr. Deena replied gently. “And tell her, don’t tell me.”
“Oh. Sorry.” He glanced at Lilah. “Forget I said that.”
Her lips were pursed in barely concealed amusement. “Forgotten.”
Shane considered taking a passive-aggressive swipe at her perfectionism, her coldness, her stubbornness, but he knew Dr. Deena would just make him come up with something else. If they were going to get through this session, he’d have to pay her a genuine compliment.
“She’s—I mean, you’re—” he corrected, twisting his head toward Lilah again. “You’re a good actor. Really good.”
“Because I’ve pretended to be in love with you for so long?”she asked drily. She, too, had been expecting a backhanded dig from him.
He shook his head. “No. Not that. You just…when we first started. I was really intimidated by you, because you were so…you knew what you were doing, and I didn’t. Working with you made me step my game up a lot. I learned so much. Just from being around you.”
Lilah stared at him, her lips parted slightly.
“Thank you, Shane, for your honesty,” Dr. Deena said.
“Yeah. Thanks,” Lilah muttered.
“Lilah, I’d like you to do the same for Shane. One thing you like about him.”
She shifted on the couch and looked at him for a long time, legs crossed, fingers clasped around her top knee.
It felt like hours ticked by.
Finally, Dr. Deena intervened. “It doesn’t have to be anything big. Just the first thing that comes to mind.”
Lilah glanced at her. “Sorry.” When she spoke again, he could tell she was working hard to keep her voice steady. “It’s just…you’reverylikable, Shane. You’re friends with pretty much everyone. You can be really kind, and funny, and charming, and generous. You have a lot of amazing qualities.” Her expression tightened. “It’s just been years since I’ve experienced any of them personally.”
It shouldn’t have been a revelation to him. Of course he knew how he’d been treating her—and most of the time, she’d been giving it right back. But something about hearing it laid out like that had him speechless, guilt twisting his stomach. Or maybe it was the look on her face that did it: hard and impassive at first glance, but her pink cheeks and shining eyes betraying her.
It could have been an act, an attempt to get Dr. Deena on her side. But that wouldn’t be like her. As good an actress as she was, she wasn’t one to waste energy faking her emotions off camera if she didn’t have to. Not like this, anyway; not to try to manipulate someone else’s opinion of her.
That was the thing about Lilah that had always scared the shit out of him: that she was fully, terrifyingly, immutably herself, whether anyone else liked it or not. Whether they likedheror not. She was fearless in a way that he, a people pleaser to his core, never could be, which from the very beginning had intimidated him ten times more than her already formidable talent.
So really, her reaction could only mean one thing: if she’d never cared about him—if she still didn’t—she wouldn’t be this upset.
He had no idea what to do with that information.
