“Ah…” Lilah clicked her tongue. “No, it was…before that.”
Dr. Deena shifted in her seat, tapping her pen on her chin. “What would you say your biggest issue is? If you could narrow it down.”
“We spend too much time together,” Shane said, his voice flat. If he added it up, he’d probably logged more hours at Lilah’s side than anyone else’s, including any of his girlfriends.
“Can you pinpoint when things started to decline, though? It couldn’t have been like this from day one,” Dr. Deena persisted.
They looked at each other, Lilah’s face reflecting the unease he was feeling.
“It was after…we used to…we were involved. For a little while. And it…ended badly,” Lilah said at last, like it was being extracted from her under interrogation.
Dr. Deena nodded slowly. “I see. Let’s walk it back to thebeginning, then. Tell me about your relationship. When did it start?”
They sat in silence for a long moment, neither of them looking at the other. Shane sensed Lilah was about as eager to rehash all this as he was. But that was why they were here, he supposed. He sighed.
“It started at the beginning. I mean, it started when we met, pretty much. After the show got picked up.”
“And how long did it last?” Dr. Deena asked.
“Um…eight, nine months? Something like that?” He allowed himself to glance at Lilah for confirmation, and she gave a brusque nod.
“So what happened?”
Shane rested his elbows on his knees and leaned forward, running both hands over his face and through his hair. “Well. We were spending a lot of time together, like I said. And from the beginning there was…um. A spark, I guess. So we started seeing each other.”
“It was just physical, though,” Lilah interrupted. “Nothing serious.”
Shane felt something flare inside his chest. Of course she would say that. He was the one who’d been stupid enough to tell her he loved her, his heart sliding into his stomach when she’d ignored it. But he’d thrown the word around too easily. He’d just been high on sex brain chemicals or something. Sitting next to her now, it was hard to believe he’d ever had any strong feelings for her besides loathing.
“You want to take it from here?” he asked, his voice sharp.
She held up her hands in surrender. “No, please, keep going. I want to hear this part.”
Shane shifted in his seat, trying to recapture his train ofthought. “So, things were fine. Good. I thought so, anyway. But then after we wrapped the first season…” He paused, feeling Lilah’s eyes on him. It felt so fucking stupid saying it out loud. “We, um. We drank a little too much at the party and woke up with…matching tattoos.”
“You two have matching tattoos?” Dr. Deena asked, eyebrows raised.
“Not anymore. She covered hers up.” He glanced at Lilah. “What is that, by the way? Is it a Hags thing?” He tried in vain to keep his voice friendly, prickling with irritation all over again about the whole situation.
Lilah flattened her lips into a tight line. “I think that’s beside the point.”
“Right. The point. The point is, Lilah made it pretty fucking clear that whatever was going on wasn’t working for her anymore.”
Lilah sighed heavily. “Okay, yes, fine. I overreacted.But twelve hours later you were sticking your hands up every tube top in L.A., so obviously you weren’tthattorn up about it.”
Shame coursed through him, hot and thick. He pushed it down, trying to tap back into that self-righteous anger simmering in the background whenever he was in Lilah’s presence.
“Youbroke up withme,Lilah,” he said, turning to face her directly, trying and failing to keep his frustration from boiling over. “Stop trying to make me the bad guy.”
Something resembling pain flashed across her face, just for a second, turning to anger so swiftly he wasn’t sure if he’d imagined it.
“You’re right, all you did was go out of your way to hurt and humiliate me as much as possible immediately afterward. Truly a prince among men.” She shook her head wearily beforeturning away, her next words escaping under her breath. “Thereareno good guys here. You haven’t figured that out yet?”
Guilt pooled in the pit of his stomach. He forced himself to keep his mouth shut before it slipped out: that back then, he hadn’t been sure hecouldhurt her. But she was right that he’d damn well tried his hardest.
Getting involved with her had been the biggest mistake of his life—tied with every other subsequent mistake he’d made regarding her. He knew he was far from the only person who’d made bad, impulsive decisions when they were young and stupid, but he’d never been allowed to make a clean break and move on. He had to face her every day, rip off the scab over and over again before the wound had a chance to heal. Even her leaving the show turned out to be only a temporary fix, since here they were again, worse than ever.
She couldn’t exactly be the one that got away if he could never fucking escape her.
