“He’s a really good guy. One of the best, actually. He’s smart, successful, and tall. All the things Julia wants.” Min laughed at his own joke. Hilarious. Coming from Min, it sounded like he was making fun of Julia, and Tae really didn’t appreciate that. “He’s the perfect fit. But we know how those perfect fits ended up with Julia. At the end of the day, everyone thinks she doesn’t know what she wants. But I disagree. I think she knows exactly what she wants. He’s just being too big of a baby to step into the shoes and be there for her. He can’t believe that she’d want him, so instead he’s pushing her away.”
Tae’s anger brewed inside of him. He did not need his brother meddling in his nonexistent love life. And he was so tired of being there for everyone. He didn’t have it in him to be there for Julia too. “Well, maybe everyone should just mind their own business.”
“Yeah, well, that would be a lot easier if you weren’t being such an asshole to everyone out of your own frustration and regret. Everyone’s a lot happier when you’re not being a dick.”
“I can’t be responsible for how everyone feels,” Tae snapped back.
“Exactly.” Min had a smug look on his face. He’d made his point.
Tae shook his head, trying to block out everything his brother was saying to him. “Anyways, it’s not like that with me and Julia.”
“Yeah, see, I don’t really believe you. I saw the two of you at the hospital. I know there’s something going on there. Shit, there’s something been going on there since we were kids. You’re not with Kari. Mom and Dad are okay. So what I wanna know is why the fuck my friend Andrew Lim is going out to dinner with Julia instead of you?”
Tae slammed his hands on the table, shaking the bottle and the glasses. “She fucking paid for Dad’s hospital bills without telling me. She threw her money in my face. With the best of intentions, she made me feel smaller than I’ve ever felt. I couldn’t handle it. The finances. Taking care of our family. I couldn’t even handle taking care of Julia. And now I think I’m unraveling, like genuinely losing control of everything I’ve been trying to hold on to.”
“Okay, calm down. What the fuck?”
“Don’t tell me to calm down.” Tae was shaking. Why was he so out of control?
“Tae, have you thought about seeing someone to talk to?”
“What, like a shrink?”
Min shrugged. “Yeah, like therapy.”
Honestly, Tae hadn’t ever considered it. He was always the happy-go-lucky guy. Easygoing. Didn’t let shit get to him. Sure, there had been some dark times. He was certain he’d battled depression when he lived in Chicago. But he had to admit that things were starting to feel overwhelming, and his emotions went from the high end of the spectrum to the low so fast it made him dizzy. He felt like he was trying to hold on as hard as he could but could feel his grip slipping.
“I wouldn’t even know where to look,” Tae admitted.
“I know some people. I can give you a couple names,” Min said. “I like my therapist a lot, but you may not feel comfortable going to the same person.”
Tae had no idea that Min was going to therapy.
“I didn’t know,” he said.
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I know Koreans typically don’t believe in it. They think you just go to church and pray harder, and everything will be okay. But, yeah, that never worked for me. I go to therapy, and I have no issue telling anyone that I do. I just never told you,” Min said. “But it’s helped give a lot of things in my life some perspective. I think it could help you too.”
Tae nodded. Perspective sounded really good right about now. He’d definitely need to look into it.
“And Tae?”
Tae looked over to meet his brother’s eyes. His big brother. His hyung. Tae resented him at times for not playing the big brother the way Tae wanted him to, needed him to. But sometimes Min surprised him. “Yeah?”
“Figure your shit out with Julia before you lose her to a guy like Andrew. Because you will. Lose her. She doesn’t want you for your job or your title or your bank account. So don’t put that on her.”
“You don’t understand,” Tae said, shaking his head.
“I understand that you’re being a whiny bitch. And I understand that you’re just looking for lame excuses to sabotage what’s going on with you and Julia because you’re so fucking scared to be happy for yourself. It’s just like Chicago. You were fucking scared so you sabotaged that too. I can appreciate that you were unhappy, but don’t make it about me finding you that job or Dad encouraging you to go. You got freaked out about what your life might become, and you turned into someone none of us recognized. I thought we’d finally seen you again since you’ve been back. But I’m beginning to wonder.”
Tae didn’t know what to say to all of that. Was he sabotaging his life because he was afraid?
“Fuck you” was all that he could think to say.
“Nice. Get it out of your system. Maybe then you’ll have calmed down enough and have some real words to say when you talk to Julia.”
“I’ll never match up to her. She’s out of my league anyways,” Tae said, shaking his head.
“Damn straight she’s out of your league. But instead of making that an excuse to stay away, maybe be with her and be thankful for it every damn day that you’re together.”
