“Actually, the picture is when my dad was in the dinghy and about to go into the cave. We can take ours right before we pop in.”
My stomach lurches.
“Right. Perfect. That’s sounds perfect.” The boat suddenly shakes, and I gasp as one of the dinghies bumps into us so we can transfer over.
“Grotto tours are twenty euros each,” Captain Sebastian says sternly. “My friend will take you.”
Matt stands and heads toward the dinghy. “Awesome, thank you.”
Still staring at the cave, I blindly reach around for my bag until I make contact. I slide my phone inside and proceed to hug the bag to my stomach. Tearing my eyes away from the cave, I see that Matt is already in the little boat. I’m temporarily frozen, mentally trying to understand what’s about to happen, and my logic is as follows: I get into that little boat. I’m then dragged inside the hole to the unknown. Anything could come out of it. Anything could go into it. And it’s certain that we won’t be making it out alive.
Matt’s chatting with Captain Sebastian’s friend as an unwilling breath stays stagnant in my throat. I need to clear my mind. I can do this. Matt brought me here so I could take pictures for my fabric. He wants to take pictures just like his dad, and I am going to help him. I can be brave. I can handle this.
I stand up on shaky legs and make my way to the dinghy. I’m holding on to the railing with all my might and am about to board when my body locks up.
“Would it be okay if I wore a life jacket?” My voice is way louder than I meant it to be, but it can’t be helped.
Matt turns to look at me, taking in my poorly hid frantic expression with concern. “What’s wrong?” he quickly asks.
I try to relax, or to at least look like I’m relaxed, as I speak again. “I’m fine. I just think I’d be more comfortable in a life jacket. Safety first.”
He doesn’t seem entirely convinced, but still nods. “Okay, then, let’s get you a life jacket.”
Two minutes later Matt and I are on the dinghy, floating just outside the cave as we wait our turn, and we’re both sporting bulky bright orange life jackets.
“You didn’t have to wear one, too,” I tell him, even though my throat and mouth are almost completely dry.
“Sure I did,” he replies. “We’re in this together. Are you ready?”
I stare blankly at him. Ready to go into the cave? Ready to get stuck in the entrance? Ready to die?
Before I can pinpoint which question he’s referring to, he hands me his cell phone. “I think this is about the same spot.”
I look down at the phone and see that it’s on the camera setting. Right. His photo.
I hold it as best I can in my sweaty palms. “Say cheese.”
Matt smiles and I snap the photo. “It’s a good one,” I manage to tell him, handing the phone back.
“Violet,” Matt says, the playful tenor now gone from his voice. “Why are your hands shaking?”
The dinghy is going up and down on the waves. I’m fighting off nausea, but I make myself answer.
“I’m just not very good with confined spaces and the cave’s entrance is a little daunting.”
His eyes flood with understanding, mixed with anxiety on my behalf. “If you’re not good with confined spaces, why are we doing this? Let’s go back to the boat.”
“No,” I insist, “we needed to re-create your dad’s picture. It’s important to you and I wanted to be part of it.”
A grateful smile appears on his face, and just that almost washes away the stomach-churning nerves that are primed to engulf me. His smile doesn’t last, though, as he rapidly shifts into problem-solving mode.
“I appreciate what you want to do, but we got the picture, so let’s head back to the boat. Paolo,” he calls, twisting to face Captain Sebastian’s friend, “can you turn this around? We’re not going in.”
“No, Paolo! We’re going in.”
Matt faces me again, more confused than ever. “We don’t have to do this,” he says intently. “You look pale and sort of green and all I want is for you to have fun.”
“I’m having fun on the inside,” I gurgle.
