Chapter 15 – Out of Control
Puck Slip
Christmas Day
Jaxson
The arena is buzzing with energy all around me. It always hypes me up for the game.
This isn't a regular competition, though. It's the Christmas Day charity game, and it's about more than just hockey.
I'm always happy to support a good cause and have volunteered for more than my fair share of these games. But right now, I'm in my head. All I can think about is Melly. I can't reach her. After I busted my phone this morning, I borrowed Rod's a few times, but I still can't get through. I punch the air in frustration.
We're lined up in the tunnel, waiting for the commentators to cue us, when Rod walks up.
“You okay, man?”
“Yeah,” I grumble, shaking my head. “Just… you know… Melly.”
He pats my shoulder. “Just get your head in the game so you don't get injured. You'll get hold of her sooner or later. I mean, it's not like you don't talk every day anyway, right?” He laughs.
I shoot him a guilty look.
“Dude, you do talk to her every day, right? Or at least once a week?”
I drag my hand down my face. “I've not actually spoken to her since the season began.”
“Why not?” He looks at me in disbelief.
“I don't know. Busy. Didn't really think about it. Maybe a little ashamed to face her,” I admit finally.
“Jaxson, you can't neglect your wife after opening your marriage,” he says, incredulous. “That's relationship suicide. Cassie and I set ground rules to keep us on track, and the most important thing was not letting anything come between us. That meant making her a priority and nurturing our relationship, not letting it die because of lust. That's why we initially agreed to it, to take the edge off temptation while I travel for games.”
I lean against the wall and press my cheek to its cool surface, trying to steady myself.
“You might've led with that when you mentioned opening my marriage.”
“Hey, I did. Repeatedly," Rod says, holding his hands up. "Do the words boundaries, honesty, rules, or commitment ring any bells?"
I stare at him, shame crawling up my spine. "Maybe?"
Vaguely.I admit to myself
"Fan-flipping-tastic!" he grumbles under his breath. "You can't make this cluster up! You weren't listening to me that day, were you? You heard the wordsopen marriageandmultiple partners,and your brain traded places with the joystick in your pants. Am I right?" He leans back against a vending machine, arms crossed, glaring as he waits for me to confess.
I shake my head, trying to push the memories out. Months of chasing distraction, only to wind up tangled in one mistake after another. I should have manned up and put a stop to Mandy sooner. Even when I tried to avoid her, she kept finding her way back to me. It was wild and fun for a while.
But the lifestyle quickly revealed itself—everything was about money, status, access. Nothing real.
I'm done with it. Done with the parties, the puck bunnies, Mandy.
This morning, the truth finally settled in, heavy and undeniable. I can't wait until the season is over. I need to fix my marriage, and I need to do it now. I sidelined my soulmate for this, and Rod's right. I can admit it at least to myself. I wasn't thinking clearly before. I let my body take the lead and ignored what I knew in my gut. There's no time left for excuses anymore.
Melly is my future.
My forever.
What if she doesn't understand? What if she can't overlook my reckless behavior, my selfishness? I'm terrified I've made a mistake she can't forgive. I've destroyed the thing that matters most. Us.
