Levi opened the door, and as I stepped through it, I nearly lost my footing. I caught myself on the railing and used it as leverage to lower myself onto the first of a pair of patio chairs. Levi took a seat in thesecond.Nicotine, drugs, and alcohol worked together to overwhelm my balance, and I wasn’t sure if I would be able to stand again.
“Do your parents know you’re here?” Levi asked.
His words sent a bolt of panic through my chest. Another hit of my cigarette helped me stuff it down. “No, they don’t, and I’d like to keep it that way. We don’t talk anymore. It’s none of their business.”
A gentle breeze blew over the balcony, stirring through my hair and brushing over my arms. I turned my sight to the sunrise. It looked like a watercolor painting. Pastel pink and orange blurred together with the thick purple shadows of snow-covered trees and buildings on the horizon. Even though the late winter air was cold against my skin, I felt comfortably warm. It would have been perfect if not for Levi and his insistence on bringing up the worries I wanted to avoid.
“It may not always seem like it, but they care about you, and they’d help you if you asked.”
A laugh bubbled from between my lips. “If that’s true, they have a funny way of showing it.”
I closed my eyes, letting myself slump into the chemical soup flowing through my veins. It wasn’t what my parents did that bothered me. It was what theydidn’tdo.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had an honest conversation with them, about the weather, or friends, or how my grandparents were doing back home. The relationship we kept was purely professional. They cared about bragging rights, family legacies, a daughter to be proud of, not one who would be happy. The Sparre family made things tick, from airplanes to computers. My parents had built a name and a fortune for me, one I wanted nothing to do with.
Someone would need to take up the torch when they retired. With no siblings to threaten my inheritance and a slew of family friends in high places, I should have been grateful to have that opportunity. But I wasn’t. They had expected great things from me, and I’d managed them, no matter the price I paid.
“You listening, Lil?”
Levi’s voice broke me out of my thoughts and snapped me back into reality. I opened my eyes and glanced at him. He leaned over the side of his chair to watch me. I struggled to read his expression. Harsh shadows from the rising sun played on his features, disguising him in darkness. He appeared almost emotionless.
“Say again?” I murmured, and Levi sighed. I wanted to close my eyes and drift in my bliss, or drown myself in another round of shots. Anything to avoid this conversation.
“I’m worried about you. You’ve changed, Lillia. We used to study together. What happened to those long nights in your dorm, just us and a week’s worth of calc homework?” Levi paused, shaking his head. “I don’t remember the last time I saw you in class.Thisis where you’ve been? High off your ass at any party you can find?”
“Don’t need to go. I pass my classes. That’s all I have to do,” I said. “I didn’t see you chasing me when I disappeared. It’s fine. Now, drop it.”
The longer I talked, the harder it got for me to string together words. My breath came in short, labored puffs, and my mind slowed to a crawl. I was warm and tired. The goosebumps gathering on my arms didn’t bother me, nor did Levi’s incessant worry. This was exactly where I wanted to be—drunk, high, numb to the world, and sitting in front of a beautiful winter sunrise. I wanted nothing more.
Levi didn’t seem to share the sentiment, though. He stood from his place beside me and shuffled back towards the balcony doors.
“You aren’t thinking straight. I’m gonna go find someone to take you home, and Iwillbe chasing you tomorrow. We’ll talk once you’ve sobered up. You sit tight, okay?”
All I mustered was a weak nod before my eyes drifted shut once more. I lacked the strength to open them. If I were being honest, I didn’t really want to, anyway. With each passing second, I sank deeper into bliss, deeper into numbness. I fought for every breath. Darkness crept in, but its presence barely registered to me. The further I fell into the haze,the stronger the shadows grew, and the closer they came.
There was a small voice somewhere deep within my mind that understood the terrible precipice at which I teetered. I struggled to push that fear away.
I’d be fine. I had to be. All I needed was a short nap, a bit of rest, a chance to sleep this off. Bold lies served as a shield against the cruel reality I faced. It was a shield all too easy for the ever-growing danger to break.
As my heartbeat weakened, I found myself cast into a place that wasn’t quite sleep and wasn’t quite wakefulness. The shadows that surrounded me grew tangible here. They swarmed, starving, preparing to feast on my life. I had no strength to fight them. The dark rose, plunged me into the ice-cold abyss. The shadows lunged. They opened their maws, swallowed me whole. Devoured me until nothing remained.
There, alone on the balcony in the light of the rising sun, I heaved my last breath. As I let it go, my life slipped away like sand between my fingers, and death stole my soul.
