32
Dax
It’s been awild few days. How likely is it that a guy realizes he’s in love for the first time right after discovering his dad isn’t really his dad? It’s been a whirlwind of feelings, some good, a lot bad, but through it all, Miles has been my constant.
From the outside, he doesn’t seem like that guy—one who is so damn good at being there for someone—and I don’t think he realizes he is. I’m not sure how I would have handled all this without him. He makes me feel…loved, wanted, needed. Those aren’t things I realized I needed before Miles, but I really fucking do. And he gives me that.
And he bakes cookies, so really, how can I not love him?
I finish up my shift at the hospital, then head to the frat. I have to pick up a few things before going to Miles’s apartment for the night. I haven’t slept at home since Thanksgiving, and I’ve run out of clothes and personal items. Feels like so many of my things keep making their way to his place. I guess that’s what happens when you’re in love.
“Hey, man. What’s up?” Teddy greets me.
“Not much. Just gotta grab some things.”
Normally I’d stop to talk, so when I don’t, Leo asks, “You okay?” He, Teddy, Damien, and Andy are sitting at the kitchen table, sharing a box of cereal.
Yessits on the tip of my tongue, but I don’t set it free because really, I’m not sure I’m okay.
“You’ve been quiet lately,” Leo adds. “Less like you.”
“I’m just dealing with some shit,” I admit.
“Miles?” Damien sneers.
“Fuck off, man. Okay? It’s getting a little much. Nothing is wrong with me and Miles. He’s…” What do I even say here? Real shit, like he’s everything to me? I’m not one to deny how I feel, so I just shrug and admit, “I’m in love with him. He’s been helping me through some personal stuff I’m dealing with.”
Everyone frowns, and Andy asks, “Seriously, man, everything okay?”
“Yeah, I’m just not ready to talk about it yet.” How do I explain that not only did I find out my dad isn’t my dad, but that the biggest betrayal I feel is from my mom? The person who held me through my tears and made me feel loved when my dad never did.
I’m surprised when it’s Damien who says, “We’re here for you when you’re ready. We’re bros, ya know?”
I…didn’t expect that from him. But besides that glitch earlier, he has been more chill about Miles since our last talk.
“For sure,” Leo adds.
“Thanks. I appreciate it.” And I do. We might not all always get along perfectly, but these guys are my brothers.
“I can tell you’re itching to go see your boy,” Teddy says.
“Yeah. He baked me cookies.” I grin, not telling them the first batch was burned.
“Are we talking about the same Miles Tanner?” Andy cocks a brow.
“And he also fucked me so hard I saw stars,” I tease, making them all laugh.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Damien pretends to roll his eyes, but it’s all playful.
It feels good to laugh with him. I hate feeling this way. I’ve worked hard to be…well, sunshine, like Miles calls me, and I want to find my way back. “I’m gonna go grab my shit.”
I tell them goodbye, then head to my room, take a quick shower, pack some things, and then dip.
I slip into the apartment without knocking and find Miles painting. I love watching him work, seeing him lose himself in his art. The only other time I ever see him let go is when he’s fucking me, or kissing me, or looking at me in this intense way that only he can.
I take off my shoes, curl up on the couch, and just…take him in. At first, it’s like he doesn’t even realize I’m there, but I know he does. He’s just so comfortable around me that he can continue to be completely absorbed in his work. It’s like he knows he’s safe with me, just like I know I’m safe with him, and I want Miles to always feel like that because I think with me is the only place he gets it.
The canvas looks dark and stormy, grays and dark blues and…thunderstorms? Is that what he’s painting? But there are also a few pops of yellow, like the sunshine is trying to break through. Sunshine and storms. Me and Miles. It’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.
