Jesus. I think I might be falling for this guy.
I’m so fucked.
After dropping Wraith off at my place so he can get his car I toss and turn for hours and end up a wreck by the time I have to leave for practice. Not a word from either of them all night.
I’m dragging ass but I manage to make it to the practicerink with just enough time to get changed and onto the ice. This is good for me. I can work out my frustration and fear on the ice. Good thing it’s not a game or I’d probably beat the fuck out of any opposing team player who got too close to me.
The defense coach runs us ragged with sprints, drills, and practice plays until my legs are mush, I’m dripping with sweat, and I’ve thought of nothing but hockey for the last hour.
Back in the locker room, Hen claps my shoulder. “You were a beast out there. You good?”
“Yeah. Just working off a little stress.”
Hen leans in close. “Boone okay?”
I shake my head, clenching my teeth. “I’ve got help though.”
“Can I do anything, man?”
“No, but thanks.”
“We could grab a late breakfast. Take your mind off things?”
“I wish I could, but I think I’m going to be pretty distracted until I hear from… the guy helping me find Boone.”
“Gotcha. I could come over and hang out with you. Keep you company until then.”
Pulling my sweatshirt over my head, I smile. “I appreciate it, man, but I’m okay.”
“Okay. Just remember you’re not alone.”
“I know.” I end up hugging Hen, surprising him, but I need him to know how much it matters to me that he’s being a friend right now.
As soon as I’m outside, I’m dialing Wraith after seeing no messages from him or Boone.
“Hey, Bou—Paxon. How was practice?”
“Fine. Helpful. Did you find out anything?”
“Not yet, but I’m working on it. I’m gonna tell my boss about what’s going on in a few minutes, actually.”
“Shit. Are you nervous?”
“Fuck yes.” He chuckles, but I hear the slight tremble in it. “I’ve never gone against my orders. None of us have, to my knowledge. I don’t know how he’s going to react.”
“I’m sorry. Leave it to Boone to figure out a way to fuck up your life too.”
“This is a good thing, Pax. Maybe this is exactly what needed to happen. What you said has haunted me.”
“What did I say?”
“When you asked how many innocent people have died by my hand. I never thought about it; I just do what I’m assigned to do. If it wasn’t for you, this situation would’ve turned out a lot differently.”
“But if it wasn’t for me, you never would’ve known. You would’ve just moved on to the next… assignment.”
He grunts in agreement. “That’s the problem. I would’ve hurt you without even knowing you, but now that I do know you, I can’t.”
“What if Boone was bad?” I know I shouldn’t ask this, but I need to know. “What if he wasn’t trying to do the right thing? Would that change what you’re doing right now?”
