“You told him you were barren, and he still wants to marry you?” Clare said, nodding sagely.
“Yes.” Meredith bit her lip. “Perhaps I shouldn’t have told him. Only I admit now that I have, I do feel a little better… As if a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.”
“Sharing secrets has a way of doing that,” Clare replied with a sad smile. “I felt the same after I told you about my night with a certain nobleman who shall remain nameless.”
“I never told anyone about that,” Meredith hastily assured her.
Clare patted her hand again. “I know it wasn’t you who spread the rumor.” She sighed deeply. “But that is all long past. We are talking aboutyounow. You and Griffin. And I have just one question for you.”
Meredith bit the edge of her thumbnail. “Which is?”
“Do you love him?” Clare asked simply.
Meredith frowned. Her hand fell away from her mouth. “Pardon?”
“Do you love him?” Clare repeated, staring at her fixedly now.
Meredith dropped her gaze. She stared at her hands in her lap. “What does that matter?”
Clare shrugged. “Southbury was right. It matters quite a lot. And the fact that you’re avoiding the question tells me all I need to know.”
Meredith shifted in her seat and rubbed at her neck. “What do you mean? I’m barren. I cannot marry aduke.”
“I’ll ask you one more time,” Clare repeated, her brows raised over astute eyes. “Do you love him?”
Meredith lifted her chin and closed her eyes. “What if I do? He needs a wife who can give him heirs.”
When Meredith opened her eyes again, Clare was staring at her with disbelief dripping from her countenance. “Listen to yourself, Meredith. You’re saying youcannotmarry him. You’re not saying you don’t want to.”
“I can’t marry him, Clare,” she insisted. She’d made this decision already, and it was the correct one. So why did it feel like her heart was breaking all over again while explaining this to her friend?
“I’m not entirely certain about that,” Clare replied. She sat up straight, knees together, and leaned forward, meeting Meredith’s eyes. “Now. Because of some of the things you just told me, I must ask you something. Something that may be quite uncomfortable to answer, but I do think it’s important.”
Meredith nodded slowly, already dreading the question. “Go ahead.”
“How do you know forcertainthat you’re barren? It occurs to me that you spent many years apart from Maxwell. How many times did you lie with him?”
“Enough times to know I’m barren,” Meredith quickly assured her. She had no desire to discuss the details. It was horrible enough without rehashing the past.
Clare moved even closer and covered Meredith’s cold, shaking hands with both of her warm ones. She lowered her voice. “After Lord X and I spent the night together, I went the entire monthprayingfor my courses. After the scandal broke, I was certain I would be further cursed by being with child.”
“But you weren’t with child,” Meredith reminded her.
“No, I wasn’t. But that didn’t keep me from worrying about it for the better part of a fortnight. Mother refused toevenspeakto me, so I had to go to Aunt Este. Thankfully, she told me what I needed to know.”
Meredith bit her lip. “I don’t see what this has to do with?—”
“Meredith, you didn’t grow up with a mother. Who told you how things work, how children are conceived?”
Meredith closed her eyes. Her cheeks warmed. “No one. I just?—”
“That’s my point. It’s possible that Lord Maxwell did not lie with you often enough to sire a child. It’s also possible it washisfailing, not yours.”
Meredith shook her head. “What do you mean?”
“I mean you not having a child may not have been because you’re barren.”
“But Maxwelltoldme that was why. He said—” A sickening feeling began to spread through Meredith’s limbs, making them numb.
