He rolled over, pulling her beneath him. “I love you, Cassie,” he whispered against her temple as he positioned himself at the entrance to her body.
“I’ve dreamed of this for so long,” she murmured.
Julian broke then. Sweat on his brow, he pushed himself only a fraction of the way inside of her. She was so tight, so tight and wet and hot. And, oh God— He clenched his teeth. Going slowly would be the death of him.
Cass moaned then and put her palms on either side of his face. “You’re so handsome, so handsome, and noble and—”
“God, Cassie, don’t.” He groaned through clenched teeth.
“I want you,” she whispered. “I want you so much. I can’t stand it. I—”
She gasped. He pushed his way inside her to the hilt and the momentary flash of pain on her face made him stop and kiss her cheek, her forehead, her temple. “I’m sorry,” he murmured.
“Don’t stop. I’m fine,” she whispered back, a smile replacing the wince. “I’ve wanted this for so long.”
Julian closed his eyes. He braced his hands on either side of her head and pulled out and pushed back into her again, again, again. With every stroke he felt more alive. With every tilt of his hips, he felt more love. With every pulse of her heart under his, he knew it was right. This woman was his destiny, his past and his future. This is why he had lived, to come home and be loved by her. He just hadn’t known it until this moment.
He opened his eyes and nudged her with his forehead, his strokes never ceasing. He wanted to wait, to make her come again. But he couldn’t. The unequaled perfection of feeling her wrapped around him made him want to shatter into a thousand pieces.
“Julian, I love you,” she cried, just before he exploded inside her and collapsed on top of her.
He kissed her hair and pulled her fiercely against him.
***
Several minutes later, Julian rolled off Cass and pulled her tight to his chest. “I’ll never let you go, again.”
She snuggled next to his side and kissed his shoulder. “I’ll never let you go, either. What changed your mind?”
“I told you back at your parents’ house. I thought you loved another man. Hunt told me so.”
“But you told me”—she glanced down—“when I was pretending to be Patience, you told me you cared for another woman.”
He bent his head and kissed the tip of her nose. “Yes. You.”
She rose up on her elbow. “You meant you lovedme? Cass, I mean?”
He nodded and kissed her shoulder. “Yes. It was always you, Cassie. Always. I think I knew it back when you were sixteen, but after all the years, all the letters, I was sure.”
Cass lay back on her side and wrapped her arm around his neck. “I felt so torn. I didn’t think I could ever be with you. It would have been a betrayal both of you and of Pen, two people I love.”
“I can understand how difficult it must have been for you. Is that why you didn’t send that letter?”
She took a deep breath. “Yes. I felt it would be unfair to you and unfair to Penelope. It was not until that day you came back to London that I knew Penelope didn’t want to see you. But I still wasn’t certain how you felt. It’s funny that we never spoke much of Pen in our letters.”
He nodded. “I couldn’t bear it. Besides, we had plenty to write about, didn’t we? I came back planning to tell her we couldn’t marry. But there was another reason…”
The tone of his voice frightened her. “What is it, Julian?”
He grasped her arms, stared her in the eye. “The truth is that I intended to go back to work for the War Office. I meant to go back to the Continent to find Donald and Rafe, even if it meant I never returned.”
“I don’t understand. You were going to run away?”
“Not run away, Cassie. Die.”
She gasped. “Die?”
“Yes. I felt guilty for having lived. I was meant to die in battle. I nearly did.”
