No doubt her suppressed feelings for Bastien were what had caused her vision. She’d learned just last night that he’d been killed two years ago. That he’d died alone at the hands of a ruthless League assassin.
That news had done more damage to her heart than she’d have ever thought possible. Stupidly, she’d believed herself to be over him. To have put that part of her past to rest years ago, and come to terms with it.
She couldn’t have been more wrong.
Not since the death of her parents had anything hurt so much. All the regrets she had mounted to the point they were virtually debilitating.
I should have told Bastien the truth when I had the chance.…
Why did I keep such a secret from him? Why didn’t I marry him when he asked me?
Don’t think about it.
With a ragged breath, she pushed herself up. “What happened?”
“We took a hit on our way out. Fera’s working on it. At least they didn’t knock out the drive.”
Ember narrowed her gaze at the way Jay said that. “Whatdidthey knock out?”
“Life support.”
“Oh goodie! Just what we can do without!”
Jay laughed. “Yeah, I know. I swear, if we get out of this and make it home, I’m grabbing my kids and my husband, and we’re grounded for a while. I’m done with these risks. I don’t care how much cred we’re making.”
Ember couldn’t blame her for the sentiment. But it only worked for those who had family they could get to.
For her? It was a burning shot to her heart, as it reminded her that she had no one waiting at the Cyperian StarStation base to welcome her return.
She’d been forced by a madman to give up her family in order to keep them safe. She didn’t even know where her sisters were. Ember couldn’t afford to. Barnabas had wasted no effort trying to run her down and end her. To end everyone she loved.
It was what had made her Tavali. They kept her moving.
And alive.
Jay adjusted the band around her insanely bright, fluorescent red hair. In total contradiction to the Gorturnum Tavali rule book that specified an all-black battlesuit whenever they were flying missions, Jay wore one of yellow and red. But then, given that her sister was their vice admiral and the second-highest-ranking member of their Nation, she could get away with a lot of things no one else could.
The lights came up, signaling that their engineer had succeeded in saving their lives.
Again.
Jay let out an audible breath of relief. “All right, ladies,” she said over the intercom for every one on their all female crew. “We’re going home, and after this near-death experience, I’m taking time off. Those of you who don’t want to take liberty, submit your names to my sister on our return and she’ll reassign you to active crews. But after this… I’m done for a bit.”
She paused to study Ember. “You all right, Major?”
Ember rubbed at the lump on her head and winced, wishing she could be with her loved ones. Especially a certain male someone. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
Yet they both knew she was lying. She hadn’t been okay in a long, long time.
Jay patted her on the arm before she headed for the helm.
Ember had never been a covetous person, but right then as she listened to the excited pirate Tavali crew beginning to make plans for their extended vacations with their loved ones, she felt so alone and isolated. She envied them.
Had she said yes that night to Bastien as she should have, she’d have been married, too, and living a life with her husband and children.
Crossing her arms over her chest, she pretended for just a second that she had Bastien with her again. Stupid, she knew. She’d kill Bastien if he were here.
Beat him until he bled for being so reckless and stupid as to not have seen Barnabas’s treachery. For such a worldly, surly bastard, Bas had always been incredibly innocent. Always seen the best in people. That was what she loved most about him. He’d given everyone the benefit of the doubt.
