Axel: A tasteful soirée.
Me: No.
Axel: A humble shindig.
Me: Axel.
Axel: A modest jamboree.
Ryker: Those are all the same thing.
Axel: They are NOT. A shindig has a completely different energy than a jamboree. Look it up.
Jace: There will be no party.
Axel: There will ABSOLUTELY be a party. And I’m bringing a piñata shaped like a prison cell. *Wrecking ball emoji*
Me: I will end you.
Axel: SEE? That’s the energy I wanted! Very manly. Very threatening. I felt that in my chest.
Blake: He’s not joking, Axel.
Axel: Please. The man’s got a concussion and a skull fracture. I could outrun him.
Me: I’m recovering. And try it.
Ryker: Axel couldn’t outrun a shopping cart.
Axel: EXCUSE ME. I am NIMBLE.
Ryker: You tripped over a flat surface last week.
Axel: That floor was slippery, and you KNOW it.
Blake: Can we please focus? Tessa’s due any day now. We should be on standby.
Axel: Oh, I’m on standby. I’ve got a hospital bag packed. Snacks, fuzzy socks, a labor playlist.
Ryker: You made a labor playlist?
Axel: It’s called Push It Real Good, and it’s three hours of carefully curated pump-up anthems.
Blake: Does Tessa know about this?
Axel: She will when I hit play in the delivery room.
Blake: You’re not going to be in the delivery room.
Axel: We’ll see.
Blake: We will not see. Boundaries exist.
Axel: I’m kidding. I don’t want to see that shit. I’ll wait in the hall. WITH MY PLAYLIST PUMPING.
Me: I’m muting this conversation.
Axel: You don’t know how. That’s in Chapter 4 of the Boomer Guide. *Laugh out loud emoji*
