Me: I’m aware. I was there.
Axel: Were you though? You had TWO concussions. Back-to-back. Your brain was basically a Magic 8-Ball for a while there. “Will Knox remember his own name?” Shakes head. “Ask again later.”
Ryker: That’s not how concussions work.
Axel: Oh, I’m sorry, did YOU go to WebMD at 2 a.m. while stress-eating Doritos? No? Then sit down.
Blake: You stress-ate Doritos over Knox?
Axel: COOL RANCH. The emotional support flavor.
Me: I’m touched.
Axel: You should be. I don’t break out Cool Ranch for just anyone. That’s reserved for life-threatening injuries and season finales of reality TV.
Me: Jace, thank you for the second cell phone.
Jace: My assistant spent three days setting up the first one. Contacts, apps, accessibility features. She created a digital tutorial folder. Color-coded.
Ryker: She didn’t.
Jace: She named it Technology for Boomers: A Gentle Guide.
Axel: DYING. *Crying laughing emoji*
Blake: That woman deserves a raise.
Jace: She got one. And a spa day. You should’ve seen her face when I told her the phone was destroyed in the fire. She looked at me like I’d told her I ran over her grandmother. Twice. Then backed up to confirm.
Blake: I bet she felt bad when you told her how it actually got destroyed.
Jace: Indeed. She upgraded him to the best iPhone on the market.
Axel: Oh, what a sweet little administrative assistant!
Jace: That tutorial folder had HYPERLINKS, Knox.
Axel: Speaking of things Knox is avoiding, when’s the housewarming party?
Me: No.
Axel: You’ve been putting me off for months! Pretty soon, it won’t be a housewarming party. It’ll be a Congratulations on Your First Year of Freedom party.
Me: Still no.
Axel: We could have it at the mansion. Or Jace’s penthouse. Jace has, like, fourteen rooms.
Jace: Twelve.
Axel: Oh, TWELVE. My mistake. How embarrassing for you.
Ryker: You just want an excuse to get drunk and break things.
Axel: I can do BOTH, Ryker. I contain multitudes.
Blake: Maybe a small gathering?
Me: No gathering.
