Axel: Fuck you very much.
Axel: And that gremlin dog didn’t even have the decency to look guilty. She just sat there with her one eye pointing at me and the other eye staring at the ceiling fan.
Ryker: She’s an angel.
Axel: She’s a biohazard with a tail.
Axel: ANYWAY.
Axel: Honest truth. How many cavity searches did you have?
Jace: Shut up, Axel.
Axel: How far up do they go? Do they hit your teeth? Closest the guy’s come to action in 14 years.
Me: Bold words from the man who once got catfished by a sixty-year-old named Brenda.
Ryker: He’s been out of prison for four days, and he’s already roasting you. *Laughing out loud emoji*
Axel: I WAS NINETEEN. And she had a very youthful typing style!
Blake: He still has her number saved.
Axel: FOR CAUTIONARY PURPOSES.
Ryker: Be warned: Axel is somehow even more immature in text than in person.
Axel: PUH-LEASE. Equal. And challenge accepted, Counselor.
Jace: How are you doing, Knox?
Me: A lot has changed since I went away. It’s a little overwhelming.
Axel: Here, let me catch you up. Dinosaurs went extinct. We had two World Wars. We all communicate through technology now. Oh, and Ryker finally lost his virginity.
Ryker: *Middle finger emoji*
Blake: How are you really feeling, Knox? And “fine” isn’t an answer.
Me: Like my life has just begun.
Axel: NOPE.
Axel: I WARNED YOU about being all sappy on us!
Me: You asked.
Axel: I expected something manly! Like “I feel like punching things” or “I could dead-lift a truck” or “I’m going to grow a beard and wrestle a bear.”
Ryker: Those are your only three definitions of masculinity?
Axel: I’m a simple man.
Blake: Knox, ignore him. We’re happy for you.
Axel: We ARE happy. But we’re also allergic to feelings. So, stop with them.
Jace: What are you guys up to today?
