I studied him. Really studied him. The hollow look in his eyes that had nothing to do with the concussion. The fact that a man who’d survived fourteen years in this place had suddenly gotten beaten nearly to death the same day his daughter rejected him.
That wasn’t a coincidence.
That was a man who’d stopped caring whether he lived or died.
“Is that why you got into a fight?” I asked quietly. “Knox … were you hoping those guys finished you off?”
I’d call for a mental health assessment first thing in the morning. Even if he hadn’t been actively suicidal, whatever he’d done had been so reckless, it almost cost him his life.
“She was right,” he said, as if I hadn’t asked a question. “Gwen was right. I should’ve found a different way to protect her.”
I wanted to press him on the cause of the fight, but it was clear his mind was too preoccupied with his daughter to register much else.
“Sounds to me like you regret what you did.”
He twisted the necklace in his hand. “Yeah. I guess maybe I do.”
Holy shit. I could tell this was a monumental moment for Knox. Could see it in his swollen eyes.
“So, maybe you should say that at your parole hearing. Give yourself a chance to get out of here, and maybe Gwen will reconnect with you.”
He blinked, and I watched him chase away the glassiness in his eyes.
The infirmary hummed with the distant sound of a door closing somewhere down the hall.
It was my turn to sound choked up. “You scared me.” I tried to keep the tears at bay, but they tracked down my cheeksanyway. “When you came in, when I realized how badly you’d been hurt …” My voice cracked. “I realized something.”
I swallowed. If I said the next words, it might scare him away.
But I was done living my life in fear. Done being afraid of Silas. Done being afraid of everything.
“I realized I love you.”
Knox’s gaze held mine, and he looked like he couldn’t believe what I’d said. Like he didn’t feel he deserved it. Like he couldn’t exist without my affection either.
“I’m so sorry for what I said to you. It was wrong. I was wrong.”
“You weren’t wrong.”
“I was. I never ever should’ve said that to you. Knox. I think I was scared that I was going to lose you. And if you did something like that for me, if it cost you everything, I couldn’t have lived with it. But, Knox”—I swallowed a lump—“you’re the best guy I’ve ever known.”
He evaluated my words, looked at my face until my profession seemed to worm its way into his broken heart.
“I know that right now, you’re processing the regret of missing years with your daughter. But here’s the thing: You two have the rest of your lives to spend together. Don’t waste it by casting yourself as the monster. She’s lived enough years without you. I know she’s angry right now, and it might take time, but keep trying. One day, she might open her door.” I smiled through my tears. “And when she does, I want to be there, holding your hand when you walk through it.”
A tear slipped from his swollen eye, trailing over his bruised cheek.
“I love you too,” he said. “But …”
“No buts.”
“Harper, I can’t ask you to wait for me. I still have years left on my sentence. Maybe I’ll make parole. Maybe I won’t. Andmaybe sometime during my time here, even if I try to keep my head down, I might get in a fight that adds more time. I won’t do that to you.”
I stood, looking down at him with a fire building in my chest.
“My whole life, people have decided how much love they’re willing to give me. You don’t get to do that too.”
“You deserve more than I can give you, Harper. You deserve a man to sleep next to in bed. You deserve to make love to your boyfriend, or husband, whenever you want.”
