It felt weird to say aloud, and if I’d been talking to anyone else, I wouldn’t have been able to. But I knew Cole wouldn’t judge me. Much.
He fell silent and I could practically hear the incredulity in his pause.
“Okay,” he said slowly, as if trying to parse my meaning. “That’s… a bad thing?”
“Not bad—just hard.”
“And why is it hard?”
Because I’d trundle right the fuck into a gunfight with a bad guy if I needed to, but I was still a coward when it came to emotional stuff. That was the simple, honest truth.
But the other glaring truth was that Reed needed me.
He wouldn’t say it aloud, but it didn’t change what was real.
Instead, I said, “Because I don’t know how.”
“My goodness, one would think you were entirely heterosexual! Use your words, detective. You don’t know how to dowhat, exactly?”
“How to show up for him. Or for anyone. I’ve never let myself try before.”
“I see.” He paused, then cleared his throat. His tone changed, becoming firm. “Well, I doubt that. In fact, I’m afraid I must call bullshit. Emphatically, even.”
I gritted my teeth in indignation. “What do you mean, you doubt that? I’m literally telling you how it is!”
“Come now, you know I don’t like lies.”
“I’m not lying.”
“Sadly, you seem to be lying to yourself. You do know how to show up for other people. You did it for me when I needed you most.Multipletimes, in fact.”
“Well, back then, I had a murderous vampire calling me up at four in the morning and demanding I talk to him about his love life!”
He chuckled. “Well, I’d be happy to repeat the process, if that’s what it takes.”
“And I was under vampire hypnotism,” I added.
“You were never under any obligation, supernatural or otherwise, to be myfriend, Harris,” Cole said, his tone turning more serious. “You chose to do that.”
I had nothing to say to that.
“And I am your friend as well,” Cole said. “I expect I always will be. And as your friend—your bestie, in fact—I’m giving you this advice: whatever you’re afraid of with the wolf, face it directly. You aren’t in this alone.”
“Right. You’ll be here for me. Bonds of friendship, eternal devotion to your bestie, et cetera.”
“Well, now. I do believe my sarcasm is rubbing off on you, detective. It’s quite lovely and I greatly approve.” Then he paused before adding, “And of course I will be. But it’s not me I meant. You and Reed, for better or for worse, are in this together. And you must face whatever comes, together.”
It was, down to the letter, what I already knew. But hearing it said aloud made it far more real.
And that was why I had called Cole in the first place, wasn’t it? So he could tell me to stop being a coward and show up for Reed, no matter how much that freaked me out.
Grudgingly, I said, “Thanks.”
“Any time. Now, for heaven’s sake: hang up the phone and go start making some gory details to share with your bestie. And if you wait another week to call me, I’ll be very cross with you.”
I rolled my eyes but found myself smiling when I hung up. Just a little.
Reed was obviously struggling. And I already knew, alpha or no, his life was lonely as hell. Maybe even lonelier than mine. He needed something real.
