“Mmm, people sayanyguy can do it, but I don’t think so. I think some guys are more likely than others.”
“I didn’t do it to ya.”
“No, it’s never happened to me before,” he chuckled, resting his chin on my chest and grinning. “Don’t worry, it’s not a sign of whether you’re good at it. A better sign is if my eyes roll back and I can’t talk.”
We had only fucked a few times, but the past couple of times, where I had been the one doing most of the work, I had definitely seen him reduced to that state. “You’re just tryin’ to make me feel better.”
He rolled his eyes. “I’m not lying. Trust me, with a dick as big as yours, it can be really easy to fuck up. You, however, seem to be aware of how big you are and don’t use it like it’s an average-sized dick.”
“Well, yeah, I know I’m big,” I said, confused. “How couldn’t I? I mean, it’s not like I go around comparin’ or anythin’, but ya do sorta figure it out.”
“You’d be surprised,” he said with a snort, laying his face against my chest and closing his eyes. “Some guys out there who aren’t as big as you but are still pretty big, seem to think they can just go to town on someone. Which sure, after you’re loosened upandinto that sort of treatment, you can.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Sounds like a good way for someone to get hurt.”
“And that’s exactly what happens,” he said with a sigh. “Some people just don’t think; you should know that.”
“Someone done that to you?” I asked, keeping my voice even.
“Oh, definitely,” he said with a chuckle. “Also had guys who thought they could just…shove their dick in because they were horny, drunk, and not thinking. That’s just the way people are sometimes, Cade. And I don’t have to have my eyes open to know you’re getting that pissed-off look on your face. You’re not going to hunt down some stupid ass that doesn’t know how to pace themselves. Calm down.”
I grunted. “I wasn’t thinkin’ anythin’ like that.”
“Again, we go back to how terrible a liar you are,” he said, but with a smile, so I dropped it.
I stroked his hair gently, basking in his good mood. Not that he was the type to walk around scowling all the time, but from the moment we had been reunited, I had seen how little he smiled and laughed like he used to. Smiles came to him a little more easily nowadays, and he wasn’t as stingy with his laughs, but they were still uncommon enough that I could appreciate them when I saw them. There was a weight on his shoulders constantly, but right now he seemed free of that as he curled up against my side and listened to my heartbeat and breathing.
While I knew sex was usually a reliable way to decompress and get into a better mood, it felt…different between us. I knew the difference between sex that was purely gratifying for the sake of it, and sex that was gratifying because of the person you sleptwith. I’d been in love a couple of times, and I’d cared for all my previous girlfriends, so I knew what it was like to lie with the person after good sex and bask in the afterglow, and the emotion of seeing the other person content and at peace.
That feeling with Walker right now was completely absent of the weirdness that still found its way into our sex life. It turned out that while my brain was adjusting to fucking a man, my heart had no problem with the idea that it was falling for one. What mattered wasn’t the genitals of the person; it cared about how happy Walker looked, the way he sighed contentedly as he wiggled a little closer, and how the troubles of his life seemed miles away from his thoughts.
“So,” he said, opening his eyes and grinning. “How would you rate your first experience bottoming?”
“Mmm, definitely gonna have to try again,” I said. “I can’t be sure how I feel about thewholething. The last half was pretty damn good. I always kinda waved it off when I heard guys talkin’ about butt play with their girlfriends and wives. I didn’t think it could make much difference. You can be witness to me admittin’ I was wrong, it makes a world of difference, and I’m now on the side of butt play.”
“The second half, huh?” he asked, lifting his head. “What was wrong with the first half?”
“Aww, it wasn’t you, it was just…weird on my end.”
The corner of his lips twitched. “Not painful, then?”
“Nope,” I said brightly. “Ya did your job real good; I picked up some pointers, actually.”
He chuckled. “Lemme guess, you were weirded out because it felt like you had to take a shit.”
Well, I guess that backed up my theory that everyone who’d done anal had probably experienced that feeling. “Yeah, and like, no offense, but you’re smaller than me, so I dunno how youget through that ’cause it felt like I hadn’t gone in days and just downed a pot of coffee.”
Walker’s eyes cracked open, and he stared at me before letting out a choked laugh. “Jesus, you really know how to make things sound sexy, don’t you?”
“Well, it’s true,” I muttered, self-conscious now he was laughing at me. “I wasn’t ready for it.”
“Then that would be on me for not warning you,” he said, snickering. “And I guess I have to admit that you aren’t wrong either. You’re uh…quite large, but I guess I don’t really get that ‘need to take a shit’ feeling as much anymore. Just one of those things you get used to. Well, I guess I notice it, but it’s not as important.”
I frowned in thought. “So, uh, what does it feel like for ya?”
“When you’re fucking me?”
“Yeah.”
