ISAAC
I tooka deep breath and said what I’d been thinking for a couple of weeks. “Something is wrong.”
Cade looked up from his food to frown at me, glancing over to see that Clay was currently at the buffet, staring at the fresh fruit like it held the answers to string theory. “What?”
“I was hoping you could tell me if something is wrong with him,” I said softly, and when a wry look crossed his face, I frowned. “I’m serious. No jokes.”
“Alright,” he said, taking a drink. “What makes ya think somethin’ is wrong?”
I watched his expression, the way his eyes held mine before darting over to Clay and then down at the table. I groaned. “You know it too, don’t you?”
Cade winced. “I wasn’t tryin’ to say anythin’.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s...him,” he said with a miserable shrug.
Yes, Clay was Clay, and he was always going to be Clay. And Clay didn’t like talking about what was going on in his head, and he wouldn’t be happy if he knew Cade was admitting to me that he too, knew something was wrong. Not that he had anyground to stand on in being surprised, I sure as hell didn’t. Clay’s changes over the past couple of weeks had been obvious.
“He’s cagey,” I said, looking at my barely touched meal. “He’s quieter than usual. And it feels like he’s...a tiger pacing its cage. It feels like, at any moment, whatever is going on in his head is going to explode. Not break out, not sneak out, butexplode. Please, Cade, help me here.”
“I don’t know what’s going on,” he said softly. “We don’t talk, not like that anyway. I know he goes through some bad times; you’ve seen that.”
“I have,” I agreed. “Has it ever been like this?”
Cade glanced at Clay, who seemed to have decided that a banana was the more interesting fruit. “No. He at least tells me when he’s havin’ a bad head time. He...I don’t know what’s going on. I know he’s been seein’ the head shrink though.”
“Twice a week,” I said with a sigh.
“Ya think that’s the problem?”
“I think that no one in charge of this place would hire a therapist who is going to hurt anyone, or make them worse.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
I remembered my friend and the struggles she’d gone through with therapy, and how it had felt to her like it was making everything worse. That made sense, and I couldn’t say it was too early for it to start being rough on Clay because...well, there were a lot of things he hadn’t dealt with that therapy might be dragging out. At the same time, it was like he was both the tiger and the cage, resenting the state he was in but not letting himself communicate it. So far, all he had done was work out more, avoid most other activities, and quietly sit with Cade or me.
“I think the therapy might be bringing up things that are making it harder for him, but he needed to deal with those long before,” I said, hurting for Clay. “At the same time, it’sa lot. I’mafraid he’s throwing too much at himself, but he won’t talk to me about it. When I’ve tried, he shuts down, and then?—”
Cade frowned. “Has he...done anythin’?”
I winced at the question. “The other day I tried to talk to him. I didn’t think I was pushing that hard, but he snapped and threw his cup at the wall to make me stop.”
Cade stared at me. “Why didn’t ya say somethin’? That ain’t like him at all.”
“No, it’s not, which is why I kept it to myself. He’s going through a lot,” I said, knowing I sounded like I was making excuses for him, but I wasn’t. He reallywasgoing through a lot right now, and I didn’t think telling people or ‘reporting’ it was going to help. “I’ve felt afraidforhim a few times, and I still do, but?—”
“That was the first time ya ever felt afraidofhim,” Cade said softly, nodding.
“It was just one moment, I wasn’t expecting him to lash out like that,” I admitted, hating how I sounded. Clay had never given me any reason to fear him, and I hated that I’d felt that in the moment rather than understanding there was a lot more going on in his head than anyone else knew. “But he did, and I?—”
Cade’s frown deepened, and he took a deep breath. “I-I don’t know what to do. He won’t talk to me either, and I tried.”
“And he hasn’t lashed out?”
“No, but?—”
“But what?” I asked, desperate for any guidance or an answer, anything.
