It wasn’t so much a light bulb coming to life and casting everything into sharper relief; it was more like the sun coming up, casting away the shadows and dispelling the mist around me. His hesitation hadn’t been about being too eager and fearing getting off too soon or even worries that he was doing his family a disservice by being with me.
Jesus, he’d been worried about me, about making sure I wasn’t doing this because it was a habit, or because I felt I should do it for his sake.
Smiling gently, I took one of his hands and brought it down to wrap around my dick. “This? This isn’t because I have to, or because I pity you. This is because I’ve been attracted to you since the moment I saw you, and yeah, it was kept in checkbecause you didn’t know how to behave yourself,” I told him gently, waiting for his chuckle before continuing. “But it’s always been there. I wouldn’t have chosen this on my own because I’m not taking advantage of someone, but if this is when you want it, I want it too.”
He didn’t look completely sold. “You’re sure?”
“No surer than I am that you’re not doing this to escape your problems,” I told him softly.
His eyes widened. “What? No, I… maybe if you were someone else, but you’re not, and this isn’t… No. I mean, it’s bad timing, I guess, but no, I wantyou. Not sex with you, or well… Shut up, don’t laugh. I meant notjustsex with you and… Stop laughing!”
I tried my best to muffle my laughter before I reached up and caressed his face. “I understand what you’re trying to say.”
“I’m not trying to forget. Ican’tforget, but I’m not trying to run away by sleeping with you,” he added with a wince. “I’m doing it because being with you feels good, you make me feel good, and I want us to feel good together.”
“Then stop thinking so hard and just be in the moment with me,” I said, a little hypocritically, considering I had been in my own thoughts during all this. “We’re going to fuck, and then we’re going to see how we feel about that. But right now? Let’s enjoy ourselves.”
He grinned. “I’ll try.”
This time when he kissed me, it didn’t feel like he was on the verge of losing control. It was as passionate and intense as before, but there was focus,intentin what he was doing as he held me tight and pressed his body against mine with renewed vigor. His hands closed around my hips as he ground against me, his stomach pressing against my dick as his slid against my ass and teased the things to come.
He broke the kiss and planted one on my chin before tilting my head back to kiss my throat and down to my collarbone, where he nibbled and sucked when I made a soft noise of pleasure. His attention continued down my body, and he finally got a moan out of me when he planted his lips on my hips and sucked gently. He got an even more enthusiastic noise out of me when he sucked harder, and although part of me knew I would probably need to wear a shirt for a few days if he kept sucking like that, I didn’t care.
His mouth moved further south, and I shuddered when he pressed his face into my thigh where it met my groin, licking the sensitive, rarely touched skin. My back arched when he closed his mouth over me and sucked gently, his hands on the underside of my thighs, pushing them up. His mouth slid further down, and I gasped when I felt his tongue push into me without so much as a warning. I almost laughed. The old ‘don’t give them a warning before you do something intense’ trick was one of my favorites; it was nice to be on the receiving end for once.
This was clearly not his first rodeo, and he was as meticulous as I had been blowing him as he pushed his tongue as deep into me as he could go. My head lay back on the pillow beneath me as I felt him swirl his tongue, pushing against the muscles that instinctually resisted the invasion, but wouldn’t last long. Nerves came to life as I felt his tongue push more, seeking the pattern and pressure that made me groan before he pushed his tongue deep again.
When his head popped up, I only had a second to mourn his absence before a cleverly slicked finger found its way inside, reaching deeper than his tongue and making me twitch in surprise. I smirked when his eyes flashed to mine, concern on his face.
“You’re kidding, right?” I said with a laugh as he scowled and pushed a second finger into me. “You’re not going to hurtme with a couple of fingers covered in spit shoved in without warning, give me some credit here.”
“I’m not going to assume anything,” he said with a huff.
“Someone is a little too used to the nervous, inexperienced guys he’s spent weeks hunting,” I said with a chuckle. “Where the hell is your lube?”
He blinked at me. “Just lube?”
I cocked my head. “And condoms, if you’re worried.”
“I’m not worried aboutyou,” he said with a snort. “I mean, I’m sure you’re careful.”
“True,” I said, squinting at him. “And in the interest of not ruining the mood, I won’t comment on how you’re implying you’ve been reckless in your horniness. But I’ll point out that I know an extremely recent health screening, including tests, has to be shown coming into the resort,every timeyou come here. So even if we were worried, the chances of us having something would be next to zero.”
“But never zero.”
“If you’re that worried about it, we can use a condom.”
He stared at me for a moment, then sat up, pulling his fingers out. “Actually, you’re ‘whatever’ about going bareback. Is that...you really not caring? Or do you want it?”
“Did I not just say?”
“I mean, you did. But you’ve made it pretty clear before that most of the stuff you did with other people was because they expected it, or because you had to. I’m asking if you want to go bareback because you want to, or because you’re just going with the flow and don’t care.”
I stared at him for a moment, surprised by his thoughtfulness but mostly by his insight. How long had it been since I’d slept with someone who knew enough about me to worry on my behalf?
“You’re asking if it’s real or if it’s another performance?” I asked.
He thought about it before nodding. “Basically, yeah.”
