“Because you need to hear yourself say it. Not when you’re pissed, not when you’re pushed, but right here, right now, after you’ve felt everything you just felt. Say it again. You’ve been brave enough to keep living despite hating your life so much, so be brave again.”
“I-I don’t want to die,” he said in a voice so quiet that only in the nearly silent room would I have been able to hear him.
“Me either,” I said lightly as he leaned backward and let himself fall onto his ass so he was sitting again. “And I don’t want you to die either.”
“I don’t want to die,” he repeated, his eyes and face wet, but no more tears left his eyes as he stared out the window, the skyturning dark as the sun truly began to set. “But...I don’t know if I want to live either.”
“But you have been living,” I told him softly. “Or at least, you’ve stayed alive. Maybe it’s time to start thinking about trying to live before you decide you don’t want to.”
“It’s not that easy,” he said, closing his eyes.
I scoffed. “Now, when did I say it was going to be easy? When the fuck was life easy?”
“I remember it being easy...once,” he said softly, wiping his face. “Jesus, look at me.”
I did as he said and smiled at what I saw. “Hot mess looks good on you, Clay.”
He snorted, rolling his eyes. “Fuck off.”
I laughed, leaning closer. “This is a good thing, even if you don’t realize it right now.”
“Sure,” he said, not believing it, but I didn’t expect anything less. “I just?—”
The door slid open, and Reggie came bursting in, looking around wildly before seeing us and blinking in confusion. We followed his gaze as he looked toward the window, down to the chair still upside down on the floor, and then back at us.
“What happened?” he asked.
“A breakthrough?” I offered, but from the frown on his face, he didn’t accept that answer. Then I looked at the window and gasped softly. “Actually, the opposite of a breakthrough, those are some mighty strong windows.”
Reggie raised a brow. “Yes, I can’t imagine why we would make sure the windows are hard to break in a facility where we house people who are not at their mental and emotional best.”
“Then I officially rescind my previous statement,” I told Clay, smiling when he gave a watery laugh and shook his head.
“Fuck off,” he muttered, getting to his feet. “I’ll explain.”
