Still, part of my brain desperately wishes he’d take the choice away from me.Grab me, force me into your arms, take me.
But the sane part of my brain resists, and for once, it wins.
“No,” I say.
“Please, Piper,” he chokes out.
I’m still turned resolutely away, but I can tell by the sound of his voice that he’s devastated.
“No. You won’t hold me, Quill.” I force the cruel words out with difficulty. “You won’t hold me. Never again.”
Chapter 2
Quill
It feels like I’m losing her a second time.
Only this time, there’s no anger to make it bearable.
Only overwhelming, crippling guilt, as I stare at the girl who’d once made life worth living.
“Please,” I say again, hating the way my voice sounds. So desperate. So needy. But there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to make it okay. I’m ready to remain for all eternity at her feet. To keep begging her forgiveness without ever stopping. Haven’t I been doing that for the past hour? What more can I do?Just tell me, and I’ll do it. I’ll do anything.
“Piper,” I groan, once more prostrating myself before her, resting my head against her thigh, thankful she’s allowing me that at least. “Please. I need you so much, Piper. Please.”
She doesn’t answer, her head turned away, a tiny hiccup telling me that she’s still crying. Maybe, just maybe there’s hope.
There’s got to be.
But I’m seeing the girl I need more than oxygen itself distance herself from me. I’m losing her. Fuck, I’m losing her.
No. I can’t be. I need to hold on to her. I need to make her see. Force her to forgive me.
How?How can you force forgiveness out of a person? How can you do that? There must be a way.
My mind is going crazy, trying to look for one solution after another. But there’s none. It’s impossible. She could never forgive me. Not after all the pain I caused her.
There isn’t any way.
Maybe she can’t forgive me, but that doesn’t mean I’ll allowher to walk away.She’s mine. I could no sooner stand to lose a limb. In fact, it would be a lot easier to lose a limb. Nothing could compare to the mind-numbing pain of her ripping herself free of me.
My brain starts to run through crazy scenarios. I could… tie her up with duct tape. Chain her to me. Keep her in a locked cage.
Vaguely, I’m aware all three of those solutions are psychotic. Piper is right. Tragen is right. Dad is right. Mom was right too, when she told Dad I scared her, and she didn’t want to spend one more second in the house with me.
I’m nothing but a fucked-up psychopath, and I’ve lost the only two people I ever loved.
And I’ve hurt her. I let her go when she needed me most, and I called her the worst names on Earth. Ever since then, I’ve made it my mission to make her suffer. She would have suffered enough without me. But I must have made life unbearable for her.
She has every right to leave. Any sane person would.
Only I know she’s not sane. And I sure as fuck am not.
I won’t let her go. I won’t. But how the fuck do you hold onto someone who wants nothing to do with you?
Force? Yes, Iwilluse force if I have to. I don’t want to. But I will if…
If she doesn’t look at me right fucking now.
