“I didn’t shoot you,” he breathes. “I shot at the wall. See?”
It takes every ounce of energy I have, but I manage to turn my head toward the place he’s pointing to. There’s a large gaping hole in the wall, and the plaster around it is fracturing, some of it still falling to the ground, into a mound of dust and rubble.
Then I look back at him, blinking.
“I don’t understand.”
“I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m sorry, Piper. When you told me… what you told me… I was so angry. I had no idea, Piper. They lied to me. They lied to both of us. I was so furious I… I shot at the wall. And then you fell. I guess you must have passed out from fear.”
I bring up a trembling hand to my face to rub at my temples. “Iwasn’t fucking scared.”
The shadow of a smirk lights up his face, which otherwise must be a mirror of mine, with the tears still winding down his face.
Only he’s beautiful even when he cries. Unlike me and my splotchy face. I’m sure my nose must be bright red by now, and random spots must be making my cheeks and neck ruddy. Meanwhile, he looks as handsome as ever. His piercing blue eyes are sparkling with wetness, and the water on his skin makes his long, jagged scar glow and his cheekbones stand out in stark relief. His glistening lower lip makes me want to lift my hand up and…
No. No, no, no.
He’s the one who reaches down, and I wince as his hand swipes away at my tears and snot. He doesn’t even wipe his fingers on his jeans. He doesn’t look the least bit disgusted. But then again, he’s never shown me any disgust.
Only hate.
There isn’t a sign of that old hate as he looks down at me now, a picture of devastation and concern.
I look away, because I can’t handle such a look. I know it’s going to pull me right back into a vortex of pain, and with the oxygen in the room dissolving quickly along with my memory of the shot, I’m losing the power to think. Let alone breathe.
“Piper,” he whispers. “Please look at me.”
I shake my head, keeping my eyes resolutely to the side. “If you didn’t shoot me… then why am I in pain?”
He grabs one of my hands between his, but I pull it away, holding onto it as if it’s been injured by his touch. It feels like it has.
“Maybe you’re notphysicallyin pain,” he murmurs.
His suggestion makes me furious, because there’s no fucking way I’m imagining it. At the same time, I realize I abruptly feel a bit better. Which only makes me angrier than ever, because itmeans he’s right.
“Fuck you,” I snarl.
This time, I wince, because with the pain rapidly dissolving, I’m alert enough to realize swearing at the psycho in front of me is a bad idea. I swallow nervously, waiting for his reaction, but there’s none. Well, maybe he looks a little sadder than before.
“Fuck you,” I say again, his lack of anger reassuring me. Goddamn, does it feel good to get those words out. It’s all I can do to keep from repeating them over and over again, just like his apology has turned into a refrain that’s been breaking my brain. Thank God he’s paused his tic for the moment, even though I can tell the word is still at the tip of his tongue.
“It’s not in my fucking head,” I snap. “I’m not crazy. Unlike you, you fucking psycho.”
The truth is, the pain is all but gone now. Not that I’d ever admit it.
“I hate your fucking guts,” I add for good measure.
Again, I wait for his reaction, convinced he’s going to blow a fuse. Hoping he will, because I need some proof right now that he’s the monster Iknowhe is. Otherwise I’m terrified I’ll forget it.
And maybe, just maybe, I’m kind of hoping he’ll drag me up over his lap like he used to do sometimes when he punished me and…
No!
“Piper,” he says tentatively, “can’t you… won’t you…” He swallows with difficulty. “I wish I could hold you, Piper.”
It’s all I can do to keep my eyes away from him as the heat emanating from his body warms my freezing skin. I’m wishing he could hold me too, and that terrifies me. My whole body is humming with the need to climb into his lap and sink into his arms, and let him take my pain away.
He used to be so good at that, back when he was the boy I wasin love with. But it was all lies.
