I almost spill my coffee in shock. “What? No, I’m not. Why would you think that?”
“Chris,” my dad admonishes, shaking his head at Pops. “We saw a girl buying a pregnancy test at the grocery store self-checkout earlier. She was around Sloane’s age, and your pops has been spiraling since.”
“Okay. Well, no, I’m not pregnant, nor am I planning to be anytime soon. If ever. I want to talk to you about work.”Telling them I’m no longer a Skylark employee seems kind of tame now.
That doesn’t stop me from being any less nervous, though. “You know I handed my resignation in a few months ago and they’ve been refusing to accept it,” I say, and my dads nod. “Well, I called my boss this morning to say enough was enough, and he finally listened and processed my resignation.”
They don’t look happy, but they don’t look surprised. At least I’m not pregnant.
“And this is what you want?” Pops asks. It’s a natural question, but a frustrating one.
“It’s not what I want. This was never what I wanted. But it’s what I need, and I think I need to focus on what I need for a while,” I explain, hating how disappointed they look. “I know this isn’t what you wanted for me. I’m sorry I couldn’t do it.”
“Este.” Pops reaches across the table and takes my hand. “You have nothing to apologize for. We just didn’t want you to give up your dream without being sure. You worked so hard to get where you are, and, yeah, we’re sad that you don’t get the reward for all that hard work. But we love you, and we’re going to support you no matter what you decide. Even if that means you never fly again.”
“That’s just it. I want to fly again, but if I try and force myself to do it in a way that doesn’t feel safe to me, I’m only going to resent it.” I watch it click with them, understanding and acceptance dawning across both of their faces.
“That makes sense. And we’re sorry it took us so long to really hear you, honey,” Dad says, adding his hand on top ofmine and Pops’s. Never one to be left out, Sloane sets hers on top of the hand-pile.
“So, what now? Do you have any ideas for what you might want to do next?” Pops asks.
Our food arrives, and I nibble the corner of my French toast before answering. “Not exactly. I’ve got enough in savings that I can take my time, keep working through things in therapy, and try to find a new challenge. Probably something remote…” I trail off, hyping myself up to get the next bit out. “So I can stay here.”
Not a single face around the table displays an ounce of surprise.
“Figured that was coming next.” Pops doesn’t sound upset, but there’s a tightness to his jaw that tells me he isn’t thrilled. “You’re sure about this? You’re sure abouthim?”
“I’m sure about everything. Especially him.”
“He’s almost twice your age, Es.” He sighs, pushing a blueberry around his fruit plate with so much force that it rolls off the plate. Grey catches it before it hits the floor. “And moving here is a big step. Is this his idea?”
I can’t just expect them to be okay with me loving someone their age. Dad seems a little less perturbed, but he’s always been the more easygoing parent. I’m sure once Pops spends more time with Nico and sees us together, he’ll get it. “No, it’s not his idea,” I answer patiently. “Nico doesn’t even know yet.”
“You haven’t asked him if he wants you to stay?”
“I wasn’t planning on asking, honestly. I was just not going to leave.” I shrug. I know Nico, and I know how hard it would be for him to admit he wants me to stay when hestill doesn’t think he deserves me. “Look, I know this isn’t what any of us expected to come of this trip, but nothing in the past year has gone as expected. This is unexpected in a good way, though. I love him.”
“You know I’ve been encouraging this since day one,” Sloane says. “But this is all pretty fast, Es. I mean, do you even have anything in common other than similar trauma and… you know.” Our dads wisely ignore her eyebrow waggle.
“We do. We’ve been reading together, cooking together, spending lots of time outside. I’ve even helped Nico a couple of times in his workshop. But mostly, it’s not a tangible thing we have in common. It’s an energy. We just exist well in each other’s orbit. Even if we’re not doing anything together, it feels right to be doing our own thing in the same space. Does that make sense?”
“It does,” Pops says slowly. “But what about all of the other things you love? Traveling, trying new restaurants, spending hours trawling through stores in the city?”
“Those things used to be important to me, but since the crash… things have changed, Pops. I’ve changed. My priorities shifted the second my feet were on the ground again. What I value now above all else is peace, and I’ve never felt more at peace than I do when I’m with him.
“Do you remember when you were first learning to fly, and you weren’t used to the drop when you reduce the thrust at altitude yet?” I add when I can tell he’s still not convinced. Both he and Dad nod. “For a second, it feels like you’re falling. And then suddenly, you’re flying. It’s the most magical feeling, and you spend every flight afterwishing it felt like it did the first time again.” I can tell I’ve gotten through before I finish when Pops’s eyes soften. It’s been a long time since he and Dad learned to fly, but I’m sure he remembers the first time he took me up in the air, telling me not to take a single second for granted.
“I remember,” he says, and Dad murmurs his agreement.
“That’s how being with Nico feels. Like falling and flying all at once.”
Pops sighs, but I know I’ve won him over. “I may not understand it, but I’ll never begrudge you anything that feels like that, kid. All I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy. We raised you to know your own heart, and if that means Nico… Well, I can’t promise I’m going to be okay with it just like that, but I’ll get there. Oh, and there are direct flights from Chicago to Jackson every day but Tuesday. I checked. So even if you can’t fly yet, we can. You’re not going to get rid of us that easily.”
I know it’s supposed to sound like a threat, but I can’t think of anything better. It feels a little like having my cake and eating it too, getting to have Nico and my family, but after the past year… God knows I’ve earned a sweet treat.
32
NICO
