Pulling out a clump of grass, I continued to worry. I needed to tell Clay all this, and patience had never been a strong suit of mine. It killed me, knowing Clay was out there having just lost his job, his best friend, and his plans for the future. Did he think he was losing me, too?
I couldn’t tell him how much he meant to me if I couldn’t find him.
29
___________
Clay
Knowing I’d be sought out at my house, I’d driven aimlessly for a while, but I finally stopped at my grandparents’ house and idled at the curb. I hadn’t given them any notice of my coming. I had no idea what I’d even say if they asked. But I stayed put, and it didn’t take long before my grandmother came outside and gave me an impatient wave. Loiterers must be dealt with, after all, even related ones. I rolled down my passenger window and attempted to smile.
“Are you coming in?” she asked.
I shrugged.
Instead of berating me for my lack of decision-making skills, she tilted her head and took me in like the pathetic specimen I was. “Clayton, come inside. You’re wasting gas.”
That was true. And if I was jobless, I didn’t have gas money to burn. I turned off my truck and followed her into the house, taking a moment to study my mom’s picture in its frame like I always did before sitting on the uncomfortable couch. What was I doing here?
“Come talk to Clay,” I heard Grandma murmur to Grandpa in the kitchen. “I’ve never seen him sad. Stoic, yes, but not sad.”
“What should I say?” Grandpa asked, clearly at a loss.
Despite the progress we’d made, it didn’t change the reality of who they were. My grandparents didn’t deal with feelings. Those were things you waited out. Maybe that’s why I’d never let them see me sad, or mad, or even ecstatically happy before.
Was I sad now? I supposed I was. For one week, I’d forgotten all the reasons why dating Lauren would be a bad idea. But today had been illusion-wrecking day. I couldn’t have it all. Maybe I couldn’t have any of it. After all, wasn’t I sitting here hiding from Lauren? I pulled out my phone and stared at it. I still wasn’t ready to talk to anyone with the last name Harwood. Not yet.
“Clay, I have some things I’m getting rid of. Can you take them to the donation center for me?” Grandma asked, coming in with a box.
I quickly took it from her hands. “Of course. I’ll go right now.”
“Not yet. Sit some more. I have a few odds and ends to go through. Can you wait?” She blinked up at me, and it was the concern I saw there that did me in. She didn’t just want me to wait for more junk, she wanted me to wait here until I felt better. I put the box on the floor and sat back down, running my hands through my hair until it stood on end. I could not cry. Not in front of her.
Grandpa chose that moment to shuffle in, and he sat down next to me. “You have any truck pictures to show me, Clayton?”
I swallowed before speaking. “No. Actually, I… quit today.”
Grandma gave a small gasp. “But you’ve always worked there.”
“Maybe it’s time I do something else.”
“That depends on why you quit,” Grandpa said in his gravelly, always reasonable voice. “Quitting can be a positive or a negative thing. So can staying.”
They were quiet, waiting for my answer. The ticking of the clock and the leering of the Nutcracker doll didn’t help. The truth finally stumbled out of me because silence was worse. “John Harwood found out I was dating Lauren. He didn’t like that because… well, because he had invited me, Lauren, and Parker to be owners in the company. Originally, it was just going to be Lauren and Parker, but he invited me into the club today. And then promptly kicked me back out of it.”
“The club?” Grandma frowned. “What club?”
“I think he’s being sarcastic.” Grandpa turned to look at me. “You thought you were kin, but you’re not. Is that why you quit today?”
I nodded, not liking it spelled out in all its embarrassment.
Grandma clucked her tongue. “Your mother was an only child, too. She used to play with a family of eight kids across the street. There was nothing she loved more than to blend in with the bunch of them. Half the time, the parents didn’t know she was there until I called to have them send her home.”
Another tether to her, besides the color of our eyes and our strong chins. I wondered why my grandparents never had any other kids, but it wasn’t the sort of thing you could ask.
Grandpa cleared his throat. “Is John mad because you kept it a secret, or is he mad because he doesn’t want you dating his daughter?”
“I don’t know.”
