“He stood between her and the world,” Cedric had said. Like I should have done with Eva, instead of becoming another threat she needed protection from.
The hockey house was empty without the usual noise of my teammates. No music thumping through the walls, no shouting over video games, no impromptu wrestling matches in the hallway. Just silence and the weight of their judgment.
I’d earned their contempt. Knowing that didn’t make the loneliness easier to bear.
The doorbell rang. “I got it,” Cole shouted then thumped down the stairs in his bare feet before dropping onto the couch beside me. The leather creaked as Cole settled,bringing with him the sharp bite of winter air and the spicy notes of his cologne.
We’d always been physical with each other—rough-housing, shoulder-checks, casual touches I’d never thought twice about. But now, with his thigh pressed against mine and the memory of the kiss between us, every point of contact felt charged.
I opened the bag, surprised to find a couple of protein and vegetable bowls. “You’re not eating right, which is fucking unusual for you,” he muttered, the tips of his ears flushing, then looked at the TV and frowned. “What is this shit?”
He reached for the remote, and I caught the flex of his bicep under his thin t-shirt, the play of muscles I’d seen a thousand times in the locker room but never allowed myself to really look at. The fabric pulled tight across his chest as he twisted, and my mouth went dry. The steady thrum of the heating system seemed to fade away, leaving only the sound of our breathing in the suddenly too-small space between us. He turned the channel from the angsty art flick I was watching to some cooking show.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I reached over and wrestled him for the remote.
Instead of fighting me, Cole gave up and captured my lips with his, one hand fisted in my collar, yanking me toward him. For a moment, panic froze me. Every defense mechanism screamed that this would ruin everything—our friendship, our dynamic with Eva, the fragile peace we were building. But then his fingers tightened against my scalp, tugging on my braids in a way that made me weak, and I couldn’t help melting into him.
His lips were soft, but his stubble scraped roughly against my chin as he deepened the kiss. The contrast sentshivers down my spine. He stole my breath like a conquering hero, as if I already belonged to him, and he was simply reclaiming me, reminding me whose I was.
Fuck that.
I changed our positions, moving to nip at his chin, then down his neck, until I drew a ragged groan out of him.
“Fuck,” he breathed. “Tris?—”
Fuck. Fuck!
I pulled back then threw myself off him, slumping into the couch beside him, breathing hard. “I can’t do this,” I whispered, my voice raspy and rough.
Cole froze beside me, hurt rolling off him. I couldn’t bear to look at his face.
“Right,” he rasped. “You’re saving yourself for Eva, a manipulative liar who doesn’t even want you.”
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
I knew he was being cruel because the rejection hurt, but that didn’t make the knife slice any less deep.
“That’s not it.”
“No?” Cole stood and dusted off his pants, looking at anything in the room but me.
“Cole,” I said, reaching for his hand.
He stepped back from me, his face blank and hard.
“Cole!” I snapped. “This is why I can’t do this. Because the minute you don’t get what you want, you turn into a raging asshole instead of listening to me.”
I didn’t think it was possible for Cole to get any tenser. I was wrong. But he didn’t leave, so I pressed on.
“Do you remember at the end of our sophomore year, when I found you fucking dying in our dorm room?”
He swallowed but still wouldn’t look at me.
“You’re fucked up over Eva. You’re drinking again. Youshow up to practice hungover. I fucking can’t, Cole. I can’t?—”
“Yeah,” he said softly, still not looking at me. “I’m a lot right now. I get it.”
Oh, for fuck’s sake. I grabbed his wrist and drew him to me so he was standing between my legs. “You’re an addict. And you’re fucking miserable. And I’ve got too much self-respect to fall into a relationship with someone who’s using me to rebound.”
