‘Why would you be risking anything? It’s not as if?—’
‘You’d sleep with the man I love?’ Bex’s response had been almost instinctive, the words coming out of her mouth before she could stop them. That wasn’t what she feared any more. As much as it had taken her years to fully trust Matt, she was as sure now as anyone ever could be that he’d never betray her, least of all with her estranged sister. What she feared was being let down by Briony again, in some other way. Or far worse than that, her children being let down by their aunt, like Bex and Briony had so often been let down by their father. Her boys had been surrounded by love their whole lives and never once encountered someone close to them who made them doubt their worth. How could she take the chance that they might experience that, if she brought Briony into their lives? She was just too big a risk, she always had been. Bex just wished she could have found a way of conveying that far more eloquently, instead of reverting to old pain to hammer her point home.
Briony recoiled as if she’d been slapped, her breath audibly catching, but the haste with which she regained her composure took Bex by surprise all over again.
‘That’s not something I’d ever do, but you’re right. We’re alljust doing what we have to, aren’t we? To get Mum to have the operation. I just wanted to say thanks for gritting your teeth and getting through it with me there. It can’t have been easy.’ If Bex hadn’t seen the expression on Briony’s face, the moment she’d admitted that none of the things she’d promised about a reconciliation were true, she’d have had no idea that Briony was the one pretending now. She hadn’t known that Bex was lying about making a fresh start. She’d bought into the lie, hook, line and sinker, just as Bex had bought into her sister’s deceit all those years ago, genuinely believing they’d do anything for each other.Maybe they weren’t so different after all. Even as the thought crossed Bex’s mind, she dismissed it. She’d lied to save their mother, but Briony had lied because she’d wanted to, that was the difference between them that she was desperately trying to hang on to.
‘Gritting my teeth about sums it up, but once Mum is through this, it will all be over and we’ll never have to see each other again.’ Bex’s words might have sounded cruel, but she didn’t want to leave any room to doubt that she meant them. She hadn’t been certain how she would react until she’d seen Briony face to face again, but it was the love that she’d hadn’t known was still there that had been the deciding factor in the end. She’d had no idea it even existed until a few moments ago, when she’d realised that she didn’t want revenge, because she didn’t want to be the cause of pain for anyone she loved. She’d never have believed it, but deep down she still had some form of love for Briony, almost as if it was embedded in her DNA. It made allowing her back into Bex’s life a million times riskier than if she’d felt ambivalent about Briony. The people you loved were always the ones capable of hurting you most deeply, and Bex had a horrible feeling her sons would find it all too easy to love Briony too. That was how her decision had shifted from being unsure if she could everallow Briony into their lives, to being absolutely certain, within a matter of minutes.
As she turned her back and continued towards her car, Briony called out a response: ‘It’ll all be over soon. Thank God.’
There was something about the way Briony said it that made the words seem every bit as final as the sentiment behind them, but then she’d always had a gift for the dramatic. Bex should have just shrugged it off as a result, but those pesky feelings, that seemed so determined to rise up from the depths, weren’t easy to quieten down and she gave an involuntary shudder at the thought of anything bad happening to Briony. She didn’t want that, no matter what had happened between them, and she knew she’d be worrying about both Briony and their mother until they were safely on the other side of the op. Once they were, things could go back to normal, with Bex and Briony living completely separate lives. She was certain now that that was for the best and she couldn’t imagine anything happening to make her change her mind.
12
Briony had thought she was prepared for any outcome before she set off for the hospital. She’d told herself that if her mother refused to let her donate her liver she would just try again, and that all she had to do was keep going until Donna finally gave in. It was a battle of wills, and she just had to hold out for longer than her mother. But the fight hadn’t been nearly as hard as she’d expected it to be. She’d also told herself to be realistic about the reaction she got from Bex. She’d thought that perhaps her sister would act like she wasn’t even there, or that she’d launch into a vicious rant about what a terrible person Briony was. She’d run through each scenario in her head, convinced she could cope with whatever her sister served up, but then Bex had thrown a curve ball she’d never anticipated; the prospect of a future where they could have a place in one another’s lives, and her heart had soared in a way she hadn’t been able to control.
Briony wasn’t stupid; she should have known straight away that it was a lie, but the trouble was she’d desperately wanted it to be true, and so she’d allowed herself to believe it. The look on Bex’s face when she’d said ‘it will all be over and we’ll never haveto see each other again’ had spelled out the reality even more clearly than her words, despite their bluntness. Her expression had been mask-like, almost robotic, and there hadn’t been even a hint of warmth in her sister’s delivery. Bex was clearly resolute in her decision to cut Briony out of her life, but what made it worse was the complete lack of passion. If she’d been fired up with hatred, the way she had when she’d first walked in on Briony and Liam, that would have been one thing. What was it that people always said? That love and hate were two sides of the same coin? But the kind of ice-cold indifference that had been written all over Bex’s face… Briony knew there was no coming back from that, and it turned out she hadn’t been prepared for that outcome at all.
She’d driven Woody to the hospital, parking a few streets away, on a road wide enough to accommodate the van and allow other vehicles to pass. After she’d walked away from Bex, she’d wanted to get back to Woody and Merlin as quickly as she could. The van was her refuge and she’d been determined not to cry until she got inside and shut the door behind her. She hadn’t been able to face driving straight away and she couldn’t have seen through her tears even if she’d tried. Instead, she’d lain on the bed and sobbed, which had made Merlin whine and nudge her with his soft, black, velvety head. It was stupid to feel so distraught when she hadn’t lost anything that hadn’t already vanished years ago, yet she’d allowed herself to hope that maybe the chance of having a relationship with her sister wasn’t gone forever after all. Now she knew that it was, and the pain was every bit as raw as it had been in the weeks and months after their estrangement, before she’d grown a hard protective shell over the scars on her heart.
Eventually, Briony had got control of her emotions enough to drive, and a big part of her had wanted to hit the road and keepon going until she put as much distance between herself and Port Agnes as possible. But she knew she couldn’t do that, not with her mother having agreed to the assessment. They had to get the process started straight away, before Donna had a chance to change her mind and come up with a reason why she couldn’t proceed after all. So Briony headed back to the farm, only a few paddocks separating her from her sister, but it might as well have been an entire universe.
When she’d got back, she’d experienced a sensation she never had before; she felt hemmed in and claustrophobic sitting inside Woody, instead of safe and calm, the way she always had in the past. She’d had to get out and she’d walked through the woods and along the coastal path all the way into the village, ending up in a dog-friendly pub and ordering a drink, which led to several more. Briony had never been a big drinker, so it had hit her hard. When she’d set off to return to the farm, she’d ricocheted off the wall outside the pub and it had been the start of a very unsteady journey back. Usually, she was the one having to wait for Merlin, but not today. She’d made it all the way to the woods and she’d be home soon, but suddenly, out of nowhere, she was sprawling forward. She hadn’t seen the tree root, and she couldn’t stop the momentum. Instinctively she put her hands out to break her fall, terrified that she might hit the ground with her head.
‘Ow!’ Her wrists braced hard against the ground, jolting the bones with so much force it felt as though they’d been hit with a hammer, but it was the twist of her ankle, as it went over on itself that made her cry out even louder, pain shooting through her leg like an electric shock. For a moment she just lay there, scared to move in case it caused her even more pain, trying not to burst into tears. Even though she was in her mid-thirties, it didn’t stop her wanting her mum, but she’d got herself into this mess, so she had to get herself out of it too. She’d just have to tough it out andgrit her teeth through the pain. Briony didn’t think anything was broken, and how bad could a sprained ankle be? But when she tried to stand up and put weight on it, she soon discovered it was far worse than she’d ever imagined possible and she couldn’t help wailing in response.
‘Oh God, oh no.’ Dropping back down to the floor, she looked at Merlin, who regarded her with something close to disdain, as if he somehow knew it was her own stupidity that had caused the accident.
‘You’re supposed to help me, not just stand there staring.’ In other circumstances she might have laughed, but she was in far too much pain for that. She was going to have to call someone to help her, but the list of options was very short. It would have to be Ken. Pulling her phone out of her pocket she looked at the screen, her heart sinking in response to the sight that greeted her. There was absolutely no phone signal at all in the woods. She’d have to try standing again and find a way of making it tolerable to bear her own weight. Searching around, she looked for something she could use as a makeshift walking stick. Selecting a sturdy branch, that would still be light enough to manoeuvre, she attempted to use it to lever herself off the ground, shrieking again as another pain shot up her leg. Maybe she had broken something after all, or torn a ligament; all she knew for sure was that it really hurt and despite the amount of alcohol she’d consumed, it was doing nothing to take the edge off the pain.
‘Fat lot of good you are.’ She shook her head as Merlin laid down next to her, resting his head on his front paws. ‘You need to run off and find help, not just lie down and give up. Although to be fair, I’m tempted to join you.’
Briony was weighing up her options as she looked around again. She could either sit here and wait, hoping that a passerby would make their way along the footpath at some point anddiscover her here, or she could try and do something about it, but the question was what? Calling out was very unlikely to be successful, unless someone on the campsite or the farm heard her, and there was always the risk that it could be the wrong person. What if Bex were to discover her like this?
She could try crawling back to Woody, dragging her injured leg behind her, but she knew without even trying that doing that was still going to hurt. She felt sick now too. Too much alcohol and no food would have been bad enough, but layering the pain on top of that just made things even worse. She just wanted to go home, to her little sanctuary, and plan her next trip. She could still go to the Brecon Beacons, but she knew if she posted online about heading almost anywhere there’d be followers who’d get excited at the prospect, and offer her land to park up on, if it gave them the opportunity to meet up with her. It happened every time she spoke about the prospect of going somewhere, which was why she had to keep her exact location to herself until she’d already moved on, but it was so nice to feel she was being welcomed with open arms. Port Agnes could never offer her that, because there were far too many doors waiting to be slammed in her face. Briony had to find somewhere else to hole up until the assessment process was complete, because if she didn’t get out it might destroy her. She’d crawl on her hands and knees if she had to, not just out of the woods, but Port Agnes itself.
Suddenly the bushes to the left of her rustled and her heart leapt into her mouth. It wasn’t like she was facing the dangers of the jungle, but even the prospect of a fox or badger suddenly sticking its head out of the foliage was enough to freak her out. Then there was the chance that it was a person, and that was much scarier. People were far more dangerous than any animal she was likely to encounter, and right now she was completely vulnerable. The thought was enough to make her mouth dropopen and she was about to scream, but Merlin’s deep, reverberating bark stole the sound from her. A blur of white fur shot out of the bushes, making Merlin spin around and go careering towards it. Seconds later there was more barking, but it was the excited sort this time around and she realised it was Casper, Tristan’s Jack Russell terrier, who roamed around the farm like he owned the place. Briony wasn’t sure whether to hope that Tristan was with him or not, because based on the way he’d reacted the last time they’d seen one another, he might well leave her to her fate in the middle of the path.
‘Casp!’ Tristan was calling out, but she still couldn’t see him, and it felt as though her heart was hammering hard enough to break a rib. She was still debating whether or not to call out, when she heard him gasp.
‘Jesus, Holly, what the hell are you doing down there?’
‘I caught my foot on a tree root and fell. I’ve done something to my left ankle.’ She wasn’t sure whether to be pleased that he’d referred to her as Holly. He’d seemed to like her when he thought that was her name. In fact, he’d seemed to like her a lot. As soon as he’d discovered the truth things had changed, and maybe now wasn’t the time to remind him that she was Briony and that he had every reason to leave her where she’d fallen.
‘Can you stand up?’ His face, as he spoke, gave nothing away.
‘No, I’ve tried, but I can’t seem to bear my own weight, not even using a stick to support myself.’
‘Are there any obvious injuries? Bleeding or a visible bone?’ He looked at her and just the question made her feel as though all the blood had drained out of her face.
‘I don’t think so.’
‘Do you mind if I take a look?’ His voice was gentle and she nodded, not wanting to catch the expression on his face as he moved to crouch next to her. She’d seen the way he’d looked ather the last time they’d met, and his undisguised disgust upon discovering her real identity had been hard to bear. She didn’t want to see it again.
‘Ooof.’ She gasped as he put his hand on her leg and only part of it was related to the pain. Very slowly he rolled her trouser leg up and gently touched the skin that had been revealed.
‘There’s no obvious injury. It could still be broken but I suspect it’s more likely to be muscular, although that can hurt every bit as much and you still need to get it checked out, because if you’ve done something like torn a ligament, you might need surgery.’
