Now their mother was about to come face to face with both her children for the first time in sixteen years, but it wasn’t going to be any Hollywood-movie style reunion. There was only one goal for today and it wasn’t to rebuild bridges with Briony. It was too late for that now. They’d had separate lives for far too long and Bex was less certain than ever that she could trust her own judgement when it came to working out what kind of person Briony really was. It was far safer to retain the status quo, for Briony to do what she needed to do and for them all to go back to living their lives. Separately.
‘What on earth are you doing here?’ Her mother’s eyes widened the moment she saw Bex. ‘If you’re going to try to persuade me to have the operation instead of the chemo then you’re wasting your time. I am not letting you go through an operation that puts you at risk. If anything happened to you, and it left the boys without their mum, I would never be able to forgive myself.’
‘But you expect me to forgive myself for letting you go through chemo that might cause irreparable damage, even if it works. And if it doesn’t…’ She looked at her mother with desperation. Donna had been sitting on one of the chairs in the waiting area clasping Ken’s hand, but she’d dropped it now, her agitation obvious.
‘I’m sixty-five years old and nobody lives forever.’
‘You should have at least twenty more years. Twenty! Don’t you want to see the boys grow up?’
‘Of course I do.’ Her mother’s face flushed bright red, her eyes flashing with something that looked dangerously close to rage. ‘I can’t believe you’re using them against me.’
Bex had been about to argue that she was doing the opposite. She was using the boys to demonstrate just how much her mother would be giving up by refusing to even consider an operation, but then another voice took the words right out of her mouth; a voice she instantly recognised, even after all these years.
‘She’s not using it against you; she’s using it to show you how crazy you’re being not to have the operation and stay here with everyone who loves you.’ Briony’s voice didn’t once waver and, if she’d been anyone else, Bex might have admired her calm in what was almost certainly about to become a storm.
‘Briony!’ Her mother shouted the name, not appearing to care that everyone in the waiting room was now looking in their direction. As she turned towards Ken, her whole body seemed to be vibrating with barely controlled rage. ‘You told her, didn’t you? How could you go against my wishes like that?’
‘To save your life.’ Ken’s face was impassive and it was clear he wasn’t messing around any more. He usually went with the flow and would bend over backwards to ensure his wife was happy, but enough was enough.
‘It’s my choice and I’m not having the operation.’ Donna’s tone was sharp and she seemed incapable of lowering the volume. ‘I am not letting Bex put herself at risk.’
‘No one is asking you to – because I’ll be the donor.’ Brionydropped down on to the empty seat next to their mother. ‘No one is relying on me to be around for them, the way they are for you and Bex.’
It was the second time that Bex’s reaction would have been completely different if the words had come from anyone else. She’d probably have reached out and hugged them, telling them that their life was every bit as valuable as anyone else’s, but she didn’t do that. For a moment she felt almost sorry for Briony, unable to contemplate what it would feel like not to be needed, or to have no one whose life would be unutterably altered by her absence. Briony had always been so family-focused when they were younger and it had seemed to mean everything to her to be part of a tightly knit unit with Bex and their mother. They’d spoken a lot about the future lives they’d imagined having, the children they wanted to raise, and the hope that they would do those things in tandem. Bex had been certain that both she and Briony would raise their own families in Cornwall, their unit growing but retaining the same close bond they’d always had. Until Liam came along and everything changed.
Briony’s life had clearly taken a different direction; she didn’t appear to have lasting ties to anyone, and it hurt Bex’s heart that the little sister she’d adored hadn’t experienced that kind of love. Except Briony wasn’t really the person Bex was picturing when she felt those pangs of regret. She was someone who’d made a decision to rip their original family apart and had clearly chosen not to form any meaningful bonds of her own since then. It meant Bex couldn’t trust the look of sadness she’d been convinced had flickered across Briony’s face, because there was a chance it hadn’t been there at all; that it was Bex projecting her own feelings on to the younger woman. Just because family was still everything to her, even more so now than it had been before her sons were born, it didn’t meanBriony still felt that way too. She was probably happy being footloose and fancy free. She was a different person now, sixteen years down the line, from the one Bex had thought she’d known so well and she had no way of gauging whether or not Briony was happy with the way things had turned out. Shaking off the feelings of regret and sadness that washed over her every time she looked in the other woman’s direction, she focused on what her mother was saying instead. Convincing Donna to see sense was the only thing she should be worrying about after all.
‘I’m also thirty years older than you and you’re my baby. How on earth do you think I’d feel if anything happened to you because of me? You’re all wasting your time if you think I’m going to change my mind.’
‘Just let us talk to the doctors again.’ Bex looked in Briony’s direction. She’d aged, they both had, but time seemed to have been kind to Briony. She looked like the sort of person you might expect to find wandering through a meadow of wildflowers, just soaking in the beauty around her. Briony’s long hair was much darker now and pinned up in a casually chic way, the dungarees she was wearing somehow looking effortlessly relaxed but bang on trend at the same time. Bex was determined not to read too much into the expression on Briony’s face as they locked eyes, because second-guessing what was going on in the mind of someone who was now a stranger, wouldn’t do either of them any favours. If she was going to have any hope of understanding how Briony was really feeling, they’d need to talk, but she still didn’t know if that was something she’d ever be willing to do, least of all right now. The only thing they were obviously on the same page about was persuading their mother to have the transplant, so she turned back to Donna, determined to drive that point home. ‘We’re all here, in the same place at the same time, because welove you. It’s the only thing capable of uniting us and I know you want that.’
‘You know I do, it’s all I’ve ever wanted.’ Tears choked her mother’s words and guilt twisted in Bex’s gut yet again. There was no way of knowing whether any kind of lasting reunion with her sister was even possible. There was every chance that they’d go their separate ways again once this was all over, because Bex had never been brave enough to risk getting hurt again and she was yet to see any evidence that could convince her to change her mind. For now, she just had to double down on the commitment she’d made to make her sure her mum believed it was possible, even if the guilt threatened to consume her as a result. Her only comfort was the knowledge that she didn’t really have control over the possibility of a reunion, even if she wanted one. If Bex ever decided that shewaswilling to open the door to a fresh start, Briony had to be willing to walk through it, and she was even less certain that it was something her estranged sister wanted. The only certainty was that they were both clearly willing to put on a united front to persuade their mother to have the operation and, until they did, Bex would lie through her teeth about what this might mean for their future relationship, if she had to, because she’d rather live with the guilt than without her mum.
‘Then let’s all talk to the doctors.’ Bex took her mother’s hand. ‘Together.’
‘Okay.’ Her mother’s voice was tiny and she was still crying, but Bex’s shoulders slumped with relief and, when she glanced at Briony, she saw hers do the same. After all these years, they finally seemed to have common ground. Although thin ice was a more accurate description, because this make-believe unity would inevitably crack beyond repair as soon as their mother had her operation. The strange part was that the idea of Briony disappearing back out of her life didn’t bring Bex any relief. Instead,another wave of the sadness and regret that she’d been trying so hard to shake off washed back over her. Her biggest wish wasn’t for Briony to disappear again, it was for the rift never to have happened in the first place, but nothing either of them said or did could undo that. It was probably best to accept that they’d left it all too late and move on, but just because that was the logical response, it didn’t make it any less painful to accept.
The discussion with the doctor had gone well. Although the oncologist was by no means an expert in the operation that Donna was now reluctantly discussing, he spent time with them researching the information available online, and arranged a follow-up appointment with the hepatologist. By the end of the consultation, the process they would need to follow was clear. If they decided to proceed with attempting the transplant, they would be referred to one of the London hospitals with a transplant centre, as there were no hospitals anywhere in the South West able to offer it. The doctor had explained that the first step was establishing blood group compatibility, but Donna had already been able to confirm that both she and her daughters were all blood group O positive, meaning they shared the most common blood type. When Donna had questioned whether this meant she’d be more likely to reach the top of the waiting list quickly, if she elected for a transplant from a deceased donor, the doctor shook his head.
‘Unfortunately, that just means there are more people with your blood type already on the list and the wait is likely to be longer as a result.’
‘How long is the waiting list usually?’ Briony had asked, earning her a look from her sister that she hadn’t been able tointerpret. Perhaps Bex had thought she was trying to push her mum in that direction, but it couldn’t have been further from the truth. She wanted to be the donor, but she knew how difficult it was going to be to persuade their mother.
‘Around four months.’ The oncologist had run a hand through his salt-and-pepper hair, checking the information on the computer screen in front of him, before turning back to the family. ‘And whilst that might not sound all that long, there’s no way of knowing what it might mean in terms of the spread of your cancer, Donna.’
‘Okay, but surely the assessment process isn’t all that much quicker?’ Their mother had folded her arms then, daring the doctor to say otherwise, but he shook his head for a second time.
‘Actually, it can take as little as two weeks and, if it was me, with a pre-existing autoimmune condition like yours, I think I know what option I’d go for.’
‘Even if someone wanted to hack one of your children’s livers up to do it?’ Donna had folded her arms even more tightly and Briony had briefly caught her sister’s eye again, this time a look of unspoken understanding seemed to pass between them. They’d do whatever it took to save their mum’s life.
‘Whilst I accept that no operation is without risk, if it meant I could stay in my children’s lives for longer, I think I would be more than willing to at least go through the assessment, and then take it from there.’
Donna had made a harumphing kind of noise in response to the doctor’s comments and had swiftly moved the conversation on to focus on chemotherapy as a treatment option. Now they were back outside the waiting room and somehow their mother was radiating enough tension for the awkwardness between Briony and Bex to pale into insignificance.
‘Okay, I did what you asked and spoke to the doctor, butnothing he said did anything to convince me.’ Donna had never been a strict kind of parent, even though she’d had to be both mother and father, and good cop/bad cop to her daughters, but right now there was an undeniably firm edge to her voice.
‘How can you say that when—’ Bex began launching into an equally firm response, but Ken cut her off.
