‘I see how much difference you make to Max’s life and I know it helps him in ways he doesn’t even realise, let alone express.’
‘Thank you.’ She nodded, needing to get out of there before the tears of laughter, which had been streaming down her face moments before, turned into tears of another kind. ‘I’d better go and help Max unpack the shopping I brought in for him, but I’ll see you soon, I’m sure.’
‘I hope so, Eve.’ She turned and walked out of the door then, unable able to look at Felix, because she was terrified that the connection she felt between them might not just be in her imagination. Whatever difference she might make to Max’s life,the draw she felt towards Felix meant she was betraying him and that had to stop. Right now.
As Eve waited for the FaceTime call to connect, she slowed her breathing, not wanting all the things she had to say to Max’s sister to come out in a rush, or for her to say anything she might later wish she hadn’t said. She and Lily had fast become friends, from the moment he’d introduced them. Lily was two years younger than her brother, which made her a year younger than Eve. She was a lawyer, who was now specialising in social justice, after a change of direction. Nine months after Max had been attacked, Lily had made the decision to move to the US. Every time they spoke she urged Eve to be honest and to tell Annie that she couldn’t carry on visiting every day and holding down a demanding job, as well as being the person to prop Annie up when she needed it, but there was no way Eve could do that now that Lily had left. Max’s sister had escaped the weight of Annie’s expectations, but they had fallen all the heavier onto Eve’s shoulders as a result. It would have been selfish of her to hold that against Lily, especially when she knew just how much stress she’d been under before she’d made the decision to go to the US. It had been Eve who’d encouraged Lily to go, before it became too much to cope with, but she still couldn’t help hoping her friend might feel ready to come home now.
‘Hey, Eve.’ Lily gave her a beaming smile, so reminiscent of the ones her brother used to wear that for a moment Eve could barely catch her breath to reply, but somehow she managed to respond.
‘Hi, Lily, you look great.’ It was true. Max’s little sister looked like the weight of the world had been lifted these days, and thegirl with the shadows under her eyes in the months after his assault, seemed to have disappeared altogether. Getting away had clearly been the right decision.
‘Thanks, I want to say the same about you, and you do look as beautiful as ever…’ Lily hesitated for a moment, before continuing. ‘But you also look absolutely knackered. You can’t go on like this, Eve, using all your time off to visit Max and support Mum and Dad. You never get any time to yourself, or have the chance to rest. You’ve got to step back before this ends up making you really ill.’
‘It’s not that easy.’ Eve’s words were barely more than a whisper, but they carried a heaviness that seemed to push her deeper into the floor, pinning her down to this life she hadn’t chosen. She might as well have been wearing boots made of concrete for all the chance she had of walking away, especially if Lily wasn’t ready to come home. Someone had to be there for Annie, and the truth was Eve’s motivation wasn’t entirely selfless. Lily’s parents would always love her, no matter what choices she made, even if they thought she’d walked away when they needed her most, because she was their daughter. The love was unconditional. Eve was another matter. She had to earn her place in the family and it mattered far more that she was able to live up to Annie and Nigel’s expectations. She couldn’t just walk away, not if she ever wanted to be welcomed back. When she’d thought Lily might crack from all the pressure she was under, it had been a easy decision to encourage her to go, yet Eve couldn’t heed her own advice. It wasn’t that straightforward for her, no matter what Lily thought.
‘It could be that easy, if you made the decision to put yourself first.’ Lily sighed. ‘I know you find that difficult, but I also know that this wouldn’t be what Max would have wanted, if he was still the old Max.’
‘Your mum wouldn’t see it that way. I don’t think she’d cope if I stopped visiting Max as often.’ It was Eve’s turn to sigh. ‘If I’m honest the visits are more for her benefit than his. A lot of the time I think he’d rather I didn’t visit at all. I don’t know if it’s because I remind him of how much has changed, or if I just get on his nerves these days.’
She gave a hollow little laugh that didn’t have a trace of real humour in it; not surprising really, when it was all she could do to stop herself from crying yet again.
‘Oh, Evie.’ The use of the pet name Max’s family had given her just made her feel more emotional. They were the only family she had and walking away from them wasn’t an option. Her father’s lack of interest in her life sometimes made her wonder if she’d imagined that he existed at all. She might as well have done for all the involvement they had with one another. His disinterest and the coldness of her stepmother had hurt like hell in the wake of her mother’s death. Once she had become a part of Max’s family, it hadn’t felt nearly so much like she was missing out and she didn’t want to give that up, because it would break her heart if she did. But Lily couldn’t see that; she’d been born into this family and she didn’t have to worry that her place in it might one day disappear. ‘Mum must see what this is doing to you and, even if she doesn’t, I’m more than willing to set her straight.’
‘Please, don’t.’ Eve knew that Lily would happily deliver on her promise, but Annie had been hurt enough by what had happened to Max, and she didn’t want to be the cause of any more suffering. The only thing she could do was to try and find a compromise that eased the pressure on her, but didn’t create a rift with Max’s mother. She had a feeling that was going to be a very difficult balance to strike. ‘When are you coming home for a visit?’
Eve had done her best to keep her tone light, but she could hear the pleading note in her voice. If Lily had picked up on it, she wasn’t letting it influence her response. ‘We’re trying to buy the apartment we’ve been renting, but it’ll take every cent we’ve got and a bit more besides, so there’s no money for a trip over right now. We’ve got a guest room so I keep telling Mum and Dad to come out here instead, and I’ve love you to come over for a visit too.’
‘I couldn’t leave Max for that long.’
‘Yes, you could, the staff at Oakwood Park look after him really well.’
‘Your mum then, I can’t just leave her.’
‘She’s not your responsibility.’ Lily’s tone was insistent and Eve wanted to agree and sayno, she’s not, she’s your responsibility,but that wouldn’t have been fair or true. None of them were responsible for Annie, she was a grown woman in her mid-sixties, but that didn’t stop Eve feeling responsible for her, despite Lily’s continued attempts to persuade her otherwise.
‘Youcanleave Mum, but the longer you stay, the harder it’s going to get. I had to get out before I drowned, Eve, you were the one who helped me see that, but knowing you’re still there makes me feel as though I sailed away on a life raft and left you to drown instead. I grew up with my mother’s high expectations of me and that was okay. I’m the great-granddaughter of Anna Carew and I was supposed to grow up and spend my entire career in the family law firm like Mum and Aunt Jules. I did all of that and I just about managed the weight of those expectations, then Max got hurt and suddenly it was all on me. I still had to fulfil the legacy of the family I was born into, but somehow I had to fill the gap Max had left behind too.’ She paused for a moment, letting out a long sigh before continuing.
‘All of the hopes and dreams she had for him fell on my shoulders. She wanted me to take the lead in the business withJules, but she also wanted me around in every minute of my spare time. She was so paranoid about me getting hurt too, and then she started talking about when me and Scott were going to get married and start a family. I had to give her every dream she’d ever wanted for her children, so that it wouldn’t hurt as much that Max was never going to do any of the things she’d hoped he would. I just couldn’t be everything she wanted, Evie, it was suffocating me, and you certainly can’t.
‘Mum needs to accept that Max has changed forever, and any dreams she has for him now are going to need to be completely different. She needs counselling or some kind of professional help. It’s not our job to help her get to that point and I don’t think either of us could, even if we spent our whole lives trying. What I’m most worried about is that you will.’
Lily looked close to tears now too and Eve wished they were face to face, so that she could hug the woman she’d thought of as a sister for so long. She’d seen the pressure that Lily had always been under and had handled so well. Max’s great-grandmother, Anna Carew, had by all accounts been a force of nature and groundbreaking in so many ways. The legal profession hadn’t even been open to women until the 1920s, but Anna was amongst the first to qualify and be called to the bar, eventually starting her own practice. She married, automatically losing her surname as women did in those days, and had two daughters, Joanna and Hannah, incorporating her first name into both of theirs and a tradition was born. Joanna also became a lawyer, and had two daughters of her own – Annabel, or Annie as she was known, and her sister Julianna, who everyone in the family called Jules, both of whom joined the family law firm. Lily’s full name was Lilyanna and so the profession she would go into had never really been in question. She’d looked set to spend her entire career at Carews, a renowned and very well-respected firm specialising in high profile divorces and family law, butMax’s assault had changed everything, and her new focus was a world away from the path she’d been born to follow.
‘I won’t allow things to stay like they are right now forever, I promise.’ Eve wasn’t entirely sure whether she was making the vow to Lily or herself, but either way she was determined to keep it. Max’s sister was right about one thing, she couldn’t go on like this indefinitely.
‘So, what is your plan?’ Lily’s tone was gentler this time, but her brow was furrowed, as if she was trying to work out the solution to an impossibly difficult equation, which wasn’t far from the truth.
‘I wanted to try and persuade your mum to consider restorative justice.’ Almost before the words were even out of Eve’s mouth, Lily gave a snort of laughter.
‘I think you might have more chance of being able to fly out here for a holiday just by flapping your arms.’ She must have seen Eve’s face fall and her expression softened. ‘I’m sorry, Evie, because I really think it could help, but Mum doesn’t want to understand what motivated the crime, and even less so, to consider any form of forgiveness. She wants revenge.’
Eve nodded, knowing it was true. Restorative justice would give Max’s parents the opportunity to sit down and talk to the man who’d changed all their lives as a result of one punch. It was an approach that had allowed other victims of crime and their families to witness the perpetrator taking responsibility for their actions. It might never provide closure, or the ability to move on, but it could help people to move forward. That was something Annie desperately needed, because right now she was stuck clinging to the forlorn hope that Max might somehow make a full recovery. The only other thing that seemed to make Annie come alive was the campaign she’d launched to get Brandon Moorcroft’s sentence reviewed and extended, and the civil case she was intending to bring in an attempt to ensure hewas financially ruined for the rest of his life. Lily was right, she wanted revenge, but even if she got it, it would never be enough because it would never give her back Max the way he used to be.
‘I’ve got to try because I know Max wouldn’t have wanted your mum to be like this. He wanted to be a surgeon so he could help fix people who were broken, and it was obvious that Brandon Moorcroft was a broken man when he decided to lash out. Max would have wanted Moorcroft to get help, ruining two lives isn’t the solution.’
‘You don’t have to sell it to me, I agree that’s exactly what Max would have wanted.’ Lily managed a half smile, before it melted off her face again. ‘I just don’t think you’ll ever convince Mum of that.’
‘All I can do is try.’ Eve let go of a long breath, making herself another vow. She was going to get the ball rolling with this, whether Annie chose to be involved or not. She didn’t want anyone else to go through the things that Max’s loved ones had been through. If meeting Brandon Moorcroft could help prevent him hurting anyone else in the future, that alone had to mean some good had come out of all this pain. And maybe, just maybe, it would be another step along the road to finding a more hopeful future for them all.
