‘Isla’s so right.’ Gwen had moved to the other side of her. ‘I lost my mum to aphasia and I know that’s not the same as someone living with a head injury, but the impact on who they are can be equally catastrophic.’
‘I’ve known about Max for a while, but I still can’t imagine how that feels.’ Eden reached across the table and touched Eve’s hand, the look of concern she’d worn earlier back on her face. ‘What I don’t understand is why you’re still engaged, not when everything’s changed and you said Max doesn’t even want you around. What happened is unbelievably awful, but you can’t give up your chance of being happy again.’
‘I don’t want to.’ Eve’s voice was so quiet now that it was barely audible. ‘And I know Max – the old Max – wouldn’t want that. These days I don’t think he even thinks of me that way.’
‘What’s the problem then, if Max doesn’t want you around? You can still be there for him, as much as he’ll let you, just not as his fiancée.’ Meg furrowed her brow.
‘It’s Max’s family that’s stopping you, isn’t it?’ Eden’s eyes searched her face and she nodded.
‘It’s like I told you before, they’remyfamily as well. I’ve wanted to do what Meg said and be there for Max in a different kind of way, ever since I realised he’s never going to come back from this, but his mum still can’t accept there isn’t going to be a miracle. She tells everyone we’re engaged and talks about our wedding as if it’s actually going to happen.’
‘As hard as it is, you’ve got to be honest with her.’ Gwen’s tone was insistent. ‘Take it from someone on the wrong side of seventy that life is far too bloody short not to take the chance of happiness when it comes your way. You can only live your life for yourself. If I’d lived mine according to what everyone else thought I should do, I’d be at home now with my knitting, not heading off to belly dance at the Old Town Hall in Port Tremellien, and I wouldn’t have done paragliding, had my own magic act, or been a nude life model at the art college. We only get one go at this thing, Eve, don’t waste it.’
‘Would you have done any of those things if you thought it might cost you your family?’ Eden turned to look at Gwen.
‘My family just want me to be happy and they know the more weird and wacky things I can pack into my life, the happier I’ll be. You’re just asking for the chance to fall in love again and I can’t believe anyone would begrudge you that.’
‘Max’s family mean more to me than I could ever explain and it’s going to break his mum’s heart if I tell her that Max and I are never going to be a couple again. Having me around will just remind her of how much she’s lost and she’s not going to want that.’ Eve let go of a shuddering sigh. ‘If I want to give things a proper go with Felix, I’ve got to be honest, but if it doesn’t work out, I’ll have lost everything for nothing.’
‘Your freedom isn’t nothing, Eve, it’s everything.’ Gwen grasped her wrist, as if she was worried that Eve might suddenly make a bolt for the door, before she’d heard everything the older woman wanted to say. ‘There’s no way of knowing if things will work out with Felix, I get that, but you can’t spend the rest of your life playing it safe. That really would be a waste. If you’re honest and it costs you your relationship with Max’s family, I know that’s going to hurt like hell, but even if things don’t go anywhere with Felix, you’ll have the freedom to try again and one day you’ll meet someone who makes all that sacrifice feel like it’s worth it.’
‘Yeah and you won’t be on your own anyway, you’ve got your St Piran’s family now.’ Meg gave her a gentle nudge and tears pricked Eve’s eyes. There were people sitting around this table who cared for her and would continue to care for her, whether or not she stayed engaged to Max. That was the deciding factor; she was going to take a leap of faith to allow herself to make a fresh start, she just had to decide when.
‘Did you have a bath in that aftershave?’ Max pinched the end of his nose. ‘Because it smells like you did.’
‘Last time I was here you said I smelt of hospitals and I know you hate that.’ Felix smiled. The funding for Max’s OT sessions had been extended in light of the progress he’d made, and the fact that he was now so close to being ready to move to semi-independence. But there was still a lot of work to do and once Max moved into the bungalow, he’d no longer receive the same kind of intensive therapy, which meant they had to make the most of every visit. Felix and Max were approaching the end of a session where they’d been working on life skills together in one of the communal kitchens at Oakwood Park, and now they were back in Max’s room. Felix raised his hands in mock surrender as he continued. ‘I can’t win with you sometimes, can I?’
‘Not when you smell like an explosion in a factory that makes air freshener for Poundland.’ Max had a cuttingly dry sense of humour when he felt like it and Felix couldn’t help wondering how much of it was a legacy from before the assault, or if that was something else that had changed. ‘I just hope you haven’t put it on for the benefit of a woman, because unless she’s lost her sense of smell, you’re going to be out of luck.’
‘So what would your advice be if I find someone attractive and I want them to notice me?’
Max’s eyes widened in response. ‘Before I answer, can I just get one thing straight? You’re not talking about me, are you?’
Felix laughed. ‘No, you’re quite safe, Max. I just want your advice that’s all.’ Maybe it was wrong of him to ask a question like that, especially when the person he was talking about was the other man’s fiancée, but he’d seen the two of them together,and it couldn’t have been more obvious that Max no longer felt the same way about Eve. He seemed to get angrier and more upset around her than anyone else. Maybe it was because she was such a reminder of how different his life had been before the assault, or because having her around made him feel more pressure to try and be the person he no longer was. Whatever the case, it was clear her presence was a trigger.
‘Umm.’ Max looked thoughtful for a moment. ‘Just tell her you like her? I don’t know why people can’t just say what they mean, it would make life a lot easier.’
‘I guess it would.’ Just as Felix responded, the door to the bedroom was pushed open and Max clearly wasn’t happy to see the new arrival.
‘For Christ’s sake. I’ve told you before, this is MY room and you’ve got to knock so I can decide if I want you to come in or not.’
‘I don’t think I need you to tell me that, it’s pretty obvious.’ Eve attempted a smile, but Felix could see the hurt in her eyes and he desperately wanted to give her a hug, even though he knew he couldn’t. On the flight home from San Francisco, she’d made it clear that she wanted to take things slowly and he’d known what that meant; that she didn’t want Max or his parents to find out what was going on between them, at least for now. He could understand that and he was happy to move at her pace. It was just hard when he wanted to be there for her and he had to keep up the pretence that they were nothing more than friends.
‘Not everything’s about you, Eve, the whole world doesn’t revolve around you.’ The irony of Max’s words seemed to afford her a genuine smile and Felix couldn’t help thinking how beautiful she was.
‘Sometimes I do forget that.’ She grinned again as she exchanged a look with Felix and the desire to kiss her was almost too much, forcing him to look down at the notes he’d taken.
‘We’ve had a good session today, haven’t we, Max? Lots of progress towards being ready for semi-independent living, the sky’s the limit after that.’
‘Yeah, I thought maybe brain surgery. How many years do you think it will take before I’m ready to start my training. One?’ Max held up his middle finger in a gesture that was obviously designed to convey his feelings about Felix’s comment, before switching to a two-fingered V sign. ‘Or two.’
‘As long as all your patients are unconscious and they don’t have to talk to you, I think you should be fine,’ Eve said, before sticking out her tongue and for a few seconds Max stared at her, before starting to laugh.
‘Okay, that was good.’ Sitting down heavily on the sofa in his room, he picked up the games console that Felix had been forced to more or less wrestle from his grasp when he’d arrived for their session. ‘But why are you here? You only came in yesterday.’
‘Your mum’s got a migraine, so she asked if I could pop in and see if you needed anything.’
‘You could have phoned.’ Max was already loading the game.
