‘Maybe, but I think that’s where you find the heart of a place, in the food. However good this sandwich Lily is talking about turns out to be, I promise you my diner is where you’ll find the real San Francisco.’
‘I look forward to it.’ She leant forward, as if to emphasise her words, and he knew she wasn’t just saying it, but then she glanced at her watch. ‘You’d better go soon, if the service starts at ten.’
‘God, yeah, you’re right.’ Pushing the plate away, he got to his feet. ‘I’ll see you tonight, then?’
‘Uh huh.’ Reaching out she took his hand. ‘I wanted to say that I hope it all goes okay, but it sounds so crass. You know what I mean, though.’
‘I do.’ He nodded, wishing once again that things were different, and that she wasn’t about to let go of his hand. The best Felix could hope for was that today would bring some closure, and that he could finally move on from the pain of losing Meredith to her demons. Although in that moment he’d have settled for never getting closure, as long as Eve found some of her own. It was what he was silently praying for as he finally turned away from her, and headed out of the hotel to the funeral.
Lily ran across the road, seemingly oblivious of the tram coming down the tracks in her direction. Thank God she easily made it across in time and flung her arms around Eve with so much force she almost knocked her over.
‘I’m so glad you finally made it out here.’ Eve couldn’t help smiling as she detected the slightest twang of an accent in Lily’s voice.
‘Me too. I’ve missed you so much.’ She hadn’t known just how much until she saw Lily again, having tried so hard to push those feelings down inside her, but it hadn’t worked. Lily was the closest thing she’d ever had to a sister and they’d got on brilliantly from the outset.
The first time they’d met, Lily had hooked her arm into Eve’s and told her she was just the sort of girl she’d hoped Max would end up with. They’d both teased him about his insistence on pronouncingpaellathe Spanish way, in the restaurant they’d met up in, and the laughter that had been the soundtrack of that night had bonded them from the start and set the seal on a friendship that had become an integral part of Eve’s life. Now, with her arms around Lily, Eve realised that was something she’d missed almost as much as she missed the old Max. She just hadn’t allowed herself to admit it, until now.
‘Please tell me you weren’t serious when you said you were only staying for four days.’ Lily pulled away, trying and failing to blink back the tears that had filled her eyes.
‘I already had some time booked off work when my friend said he was coming over for a funeral and that he could use some company on the trip. I didn’t want to miss an opportunity likethat, but I couldn’t extend my leave. There were too many people already booked with time off and?—’
‘And you had all that time off when Mum got ill last year.’ Lily sighed. ‘Part of me wants to be insulted that you’re only here because your friend was coming over, but I know you, and I know it would have taken someone else needing you even more than Mum does to get you here. So as sorry as I am that he’s flown over for a funeral, I’m just glad that it brought you here.’
‘I really have wanted to come and see you before now, it’s just…’ She couldn’t finish the sentence, but she didn’t need to. They both knew why she hadn’t visited, and why Lily hadn’t been home for a visit either.
‘How is Mum doing? All I get from her when I call is updates about the appeal against Brandon Moorcroft’s sentence. Or videos of Max, followed by her asking me if I can see how much progress he’s making and wanting me to tell her she’s right about him having turned a corner.’
‘That pretty much sums up how she’s doing.’ Eve forced a smile. Right up until the moment she’d seen Lily, she’d wondered if she could really ask her to consider not just coming back home for a visit, but coming home for good. But as soon as she’d set eyes on Max’s sister, she’d immediately had her answer. Lily was happy, she’d gone from looking like a young woman with the weight of the world on her shoulders, to someone who could see the possibilities in life again. It was obvious in the way she’d smiled from across the street, and the enthusiasm of her embrace. As soon as Lily had begun talking about Annie, thatjoie de vivrehad slowly drained out of her, and Eve wasn’t going to be responsible for making that a permanent thing. Maybe she’d be failing Annie and Nigel again, but nothing she did could change the situation with Max, and she knew in her heart that the old Max would have wanted her to save his sister instead. She wasn’t going to try to persuade her to comehome, not even for a visit if Lily didn’t want to, she was just going to enjoy whatever time she could with the woman who’d become one of her best friends, and who she’d always wish she’d had the chance to call family in a way that no one could dispute.
It was Eve who looped her arm through Lily’s this time. ‘Let’s not talk about any of that, I want to know how you are doing.’
Lily smiled, her face lighting up again. ‘Well, that’s one question Mum never asks me, but I have to say I’m doing great. Scott is amazing and work is going brilliantly.’ Lily took a deep breath and turned to face her. ‘There’s something else, too. If all goes according to plan. In eight months’ time, you’re going to be an auntie!’
‘Oh, Lily, oh my God, really?’ Eve crushed her into another hug, laughing and crying all at the same time. ‘Sorry, sorry, I know I probably shouldn’t hug you quite so tightly, but that’s amazing. It’s the best news ever in fact.’
‘It really does feel like it, I just wish…’ This was another unfinished sentence that needed no words, Eve knew exactly what Lily was wishing for. She wished Max could share in the excitement, and that Annie could be as thrilled as she should be about the impending arrival of her first grandchild, but it was never going to be the most important focus in their lives, not even temporarily, and a bit of Eve’s heart broke for Lily. She couldn’t do anything to change that either, all she could do was make sure that Lily knew just how happy she was for her.
‘It truly is the best news I’ve had in forever and we’re going to go out now, to have a slap-up, pregnancy-friendly lunch on me to celebrate. I want all the details. How you found out, where you were, how you told Scott.’
‘As long as I don’t have to recount the conception, because it was after too much tequila at our favourite Mexican restaurant and the details of that night don’t cover either of us in a lot of glory.’ Lily laughed. ‘I’m really glad, though, it’s the happiestaccident ever, because I don’t think I could have ever planned for this, with the way things are with Max, and everyone else I love being on the other side of the Atlantic. But this feels like a new beginning.’
‘It really does.’ Eve hugged again her and swallowed back the surge of panic that lodged itself in her throat, at the realisation that there might never be a new beginning for her. But she wasn’t going to give in to that thought, not today, when there was something truly wonderful to celebrate for the first time in a very long while.
17
The funeral had been strangely cathartic, especially given that Felix had been to more funerals for people who had lost their battles with addiction than he wanted to recall. Often there was a tendency to whitewash over the truth and talk about the person as though they’d been some kind of saint. Ashleigh and her parents didn’t do that. There was no sugar coating the reality of all the things that Meredith had been, and the eulogy Ashleigh delivered had said it all.
‘What can I say about my big sister?’ She’d turned and put a hand on the coffin, taking a steadying breath before looking out at the congregation in front of her again. ‘Merri was everything. She could be the best company in the world, or the hardest person to be around. She was joy and laughter, and pain and sorrow. Ever since we were kids, she had her own way of seeing the world and reacting to the things around her.
‘She loved being the centre of attention, and she thrived when the spotlight was on her. She could dance and sing anyone else off the stage, and drink anyone else under the table. She was my biggest champion and my most loyal supporter, but she was also my harshest critic. Merri was by my side when I married mybeautiful wife, Alicia, and I think the ears of the man standing outside city hall when we were having our photo taken – who made the mistake of saying it was an abomination that two women had got married – are probably still ringing!
‘She’d fight for me to the death, but she’d probably fight with me to the death too. Never more so than when I tried to intervene and persuade her to change the lifestyle we could all see was killing her. She was a mass of contradictions and I’m mad as hell at her for checking out before she got to meet these two.’
Ashleigh had paused for a moment, then, running a hand over her very pregnant belly. There were still three months to go until she’d be full term with the twins, but she already looked nine months pregnant. When Felix had met Meredith, she’d told him that one of her biggest motivations for ‘getting clean’ first time around was because she wanted a family. She was never going to have that now, or see her beloved younger sister become a mum and, in that moment, Felix was certain he’d been able to feel his heart physically contract. It was such a futile loss and he just couldn’t shake off the sensation that he might have been able to do something to change it. But Ashleigh hadn’t finished yet.
‘We all tried so hard to turn things around for Merri. I can’t count the number of times Mom and Dad went to her aid, or I drove to some terrifying location in the early hours of the morning to pick her up from a bar she’d been thrown out of, or sent her money because she’d got herself in trouble for not paying a dealer. Then she surprised us all by getting herself clean.’
Ashleigh had paused again then and turned towards Felix. ‘She even trained as a therapist and started working as a peer counsellor for the clinic that had spent years trying to help her. She met the most amazing man. It was what we’d prayed for andwe couldn’t have asked for anyone better than Felix and neither could she, but it still wasn’t enough. He tried to help her every bit as much as the rest of the family did, but Merri had demons that none of us could defeat. In the end they lured her back to the life we hoped with all our hearts she’d left behind.
