‘Thanks, Ellie.’ Rufus tried to smile, but it made him wince.
‘Why can’t you two always be this lovely to each other?’ Their mum might have been gently chiding them, but she was squeezing both their hands, as she looked up at Eve. ‘I’m an only child and I never had any of this sibling stuff. Sometimes I’ve wondered if I was crazy to have two kids only eighteen months apart, but I know they love one other really and they’ll always have each other, won’t they? That’s something I wish I had.’
‘Me too.’ Eve hadn’t meant to say it, but the words had just come out. The fact it felt as though the only family she had was hanging by a thread definitely wasn’t something she wanted todiscuss with a complete stranger though. Instead she ploughed on with the job in hand before Rufus’s mum could even respond. ‘Ellie is right, I promise it won’t hurt and if you look at your mum and sister the absolute most you’ll feel is a bit of tugging.’
Eve had been grateful of the need to concentrate, so that her mind couldn’t linger on how much it hurt that she didn’t have anyone linked to her by birth who she could call upon, or reminisce about old times with, the way Rufus and Ellie one day could. She treasured the photographs she had in the album her mother had put together for her before she’d died, it was more precious to her than any other possession could ever be, but it couldn’t make up for no longer having a parent who cared about her, or a sibling she could laugh with about their childhoods. It hadn’t felt nearly this raw when she’d been planning to marry Max and had assumed she’d always have a role in his family. That felt so much more precarious now and the thought of losing them was so unbearable she couldn’t dwell on it for too long.
‘Right, you’re all done.’ Eve touched Rufus’s arm lightly after she’d finished the stiches. ‘You’ve been an absolute star.’
‘You were really brave, Roof.’ Ellie sounded almost in awe of her brother, and Eve turned towards their mum.
‘I’m going to send Rufus home with some painkillers and antibiotics, just to make sure we head off the potential of any infection, because teeth can carry a lot of bacteria. The stitches are dissolvable, but I’ll also make a follow-up appointment for you with the outpatients department, just so we can check that everything is healing okay.’
‘Thank you so much and hopefully it’ll be a lesson for these two that however much they might get on each other’s nerves, there’s nothing more important than family!’ Rufus’s mum gave a hearty laugh and Eve nodded and smiled, not trusting herself to speak. It was stupid to feel so emotional over something as everyday as an exchange like this, but for some reason it had hither really hard. Thank God it was at the end of her shift, because she needed to clear her head and get herself back on an even keel before she was going to be of any use to anyone.
Eve wanted a walk on the beach, but the last thing she needed right now was to bump into anyone she knew, so she’d decided to head out of Port Kara. Her stomach had been rumbling like a washing machine on the drive over to Port Tremellien and she wanted a huge portion of dirty fries from the Bayview Café, a place Max had introduced her to on their first trip to Cornwall after they got together. Getting out of her car, she took a huge breath, letting the fresh air fill her lungs and trying to release the negativity with the exhale. She repeated the process as she walked towards the sea and it didn’t take long before it felt like it was working. The sky was bright blue and there was only a very light breeze carrying the seagulls that dipped and soared overhead, calling out in that familiar way that would have told Eve where she was even if she’d been blindfolded. She could taste salt on her lips and feel the sun warming her skin, the aroma of the delicious food served at the Bayview Café drifting on that same breeze, as a handful of surfers braved the water in the distance. It felt good to be here and, although she and Max had visited plenty of times, it was less bound up with him than either Port Kara or Port Agnes. Here, it was easier to appreciate just being by the water and allowing her mind and body to slow down and live in the moment. Just for a moment she allowed herself to briefly close her eyes, but then they flew open again in response to what she’d been almost sure was Max’s voice. Except it couldn’t have been him.
‘You owe me lunch.’ The voice that sounded so much like Max’s called out insistently, and she stared ahead, trying to work out whether both her eyes and her ears were deceiving her.
‘Okay, you’ve got me, I definitely fell off the surfboard more than you did, but that might be because until your mum turned up, I had no idea that you used spend most of the summer surfing when you were a kid.’ Felix laughed as he gently nudged Max; the two of them standing close together, still wearing their wet suits, like old friends who joked easily with one another. Neither of them had spotted her yet and nor had Annie, who was too busy wrapping her son in the Dryrobe that another man in a wetsuit had handed her. Eve ducked back between two beach huts, where she could still see them but it would far harder for them to spot her. The Dryrobes were emblazoned with the Waves 4 Everyone logo, a charity that Eve had seen advertised on some of the hospital noticeboards. She’d never have believed Max would agree to go to one of their sessions and she knew it must be Felix’s doing.
‘Lunch is on me.’ Annie was beaming as she spoke. ‘For everyone! You’ll join us won’t you, Nathan?’
She was talking to the man who’d passed her the Dryrobe, who said something in response that Eve couldn’t quite hear, triggering more laughter, including from Max. She wasn’t sure she’d seen him laugh as much as he had in the last couple of minutes since before the assault. She certainly couldn’t make him laugh like that any more, most of the time she could barely even raise a smile these days. She knew that if she stepped out from her hiding place, or called out to Annie, she’d be welcomed with open arms and invited along for lunch, but she also knew with just as much certainty that Max wouldn’t want her there. An uncomfortable thought joined the maelstrom of emotions already racing around inside her head. She wanted to be able to walk along the beach next to Felix and to discover whether theirmind-blowing kiss was a one-off, or whether the connection they seemed to have could lead to something more. But that wasn’t an option she could pursue, not without risking everything that already felt as though it might slip through her fingers at any moment.
She had to find a way of reaching Max that would remind him of why she’d been such an important part of his life instead. They were never going to be a couple again, but she desperately wanted them to be family. It was something she couldn’t give up, not even to see where things with Felix might go. It would have be far too big a risk for something that might fizzle out before it even began. She’d just have to push her feelings for Felix back down again. She was sure she could do it, if she was careful and avoided spending time with him as much as possible. It all sounded so easy in her head, but the reality was never quite that simple.
14
The spring ball was yet another fundraising initiative conjured up by the force of nature that was Gwen Jones.
‘We’re all going,’ Meg had insisted three weeks before the event, when Eve had pulled a face about the prospect of attending. ‘At least those of us not rostered to work that night.’
‘I’d be more than happy to do a swap with someone who wants to go instead.’ It had seemed like the perfect solution to Eve, but Meg shook her head, her tone suddenly much firmer.
‘You and I need to make the effort to attend this more than anyone. It’s a fundraiser for the Friends of St Piran’s, and if we want to make friends here,proper friends, who’ll give us the fresh start we’re both looking for, then this is exactly the sort of event we should be attending.’
Eve had stared at Meg for what felt like an eternity, even though it could only have been a matter of seconds. She’d wanted to ask her how she knew that Eve had been craving a fresh start more and more lately, and to correct her assumption that the move to Cornwall had been about finding that. She’d come to Max’s home county because of ties to their past and to his family, not for a shiny new start. But she didn’t say anyof that, and she didn’t ask the questions that were burning in her throat either, about why Meg was here and what it was she’d chosen to leave behind, because she’d known that any confidences Meg shared might need to be reciprocated. Instead she’d tried to come up with some other excuse not to go to the ball.
‘Isn’t the whole point to go with a partner, so you’ve got someone to dance with? I mean I’m quite happy to dance with you, but we’ll have to agree beforehand who’s going to lead.’
Meg laughed. ‘You’re a good six inches taller than me and I’ve got two left feet and the rhythm of a robot, so I think we both know who’s going to have to lead.’
‘Should I get myself a tux?’
‘No need to go that far. There’ll be plenty of us who are going stag. I think that’s what they call it and, who knows, you might even find yourself more than a friend.’
‘Now that I can confidently say I do not need.’ Eve had offered up no further explanation. Despite the temptation she’d felt to confide in Meg on more than one occasion, she still valued the escape of life at the hospital too much to tell her about Max. Eden, Drew and Felix all knew of course, but she trusted them to keep it to themselves and allow her to continue pretending that her life was far simpler than it was.
‘Please come, Eve. Everyone else has known each other for so much longer and I’d feel much less like a spare part if you were there.’ Meg had given her a pleading look then and even though she still didn’t know what had brought her friend to Cornwall, Eve could see in her eyes that Meg was carrying some trauma of her own. Suddenly it hadn’t felt like nearly such a big deal to say yes.
‘Okay then,’ she’d agreed, already trying not to wonder if Felix would be there and, if he was, whether or not he would be going on his own. It shouldn’t matter – itdidn’tmatter –she’d told herself that again and again, because she and Felix could never be anything more than friends. She tried to pretend that the prospect of him going to the ball hadn’t crossed her mind when she’d gone to Truro to find a dress, settling on rust-coloured silk that brought out the amber in her eyes. Later, when Felix had told her he was going and had mentioned that there was a spot free on his table, she hadn’t allowed herself to picture him in a tuxedo, because if she did that it would be even more difficult to think of him as simply a friend. Now, as she smoothed down her dress and took one last look in the mirror, she readied herself for coming face to face with him, and practised the enigmatic smile she hoped would disguise all the emotions that were bubbling just below the surface.
Eve had been avoiding Felix since they’d kissed, that much had been obvious. He’d considered the possibility that she’d thought it was awful, but he found that difficult to believe given how fantastic it had felt from his perspective. She’d kissed him back in a way that suggested she felt the same. He suspected the real reason she’d backed off had been guilt about Max. He understood it; technically she was still engaged, even if Max was doing his best to push her away. He also knew how close she was to Max’s parents, and how much she’d have hated to hurt them. Eve was beautiful, with long dark hair that shone as if it had been polished, and eyes the colour of amber, flecked with highlights of gold, but what made her even more beautiful was the goodness in her that went right to the core. He’d seen in her interactions with patients and her volunteering at Domusamare that she had an almost unbelievable capacity for kindness. Perhaps it might seem odd to some people, given what she’d told him about herown upbringing and how little kindness she’d been shown by the people who should have loved her the most. But he had a strong suspicion that was what drove her kindness to others; wanting them to feel there was someone who cared for them, because of the very fact that there’d been times when Eve had believed no one had cared for her.
Felix had considered asking Eve to the ball, but had known she’d almost certainly turn him down if she thought it was meant to be a date. He’d tried to play it off as casual, saying that he’d be sharing a table with Eden and Drew, and some of the others and that there was a space if she wanted to join them. He wasn’t like it was an actual date, but she’d still turned him down and he could have guessed the outcome of her text long before it arrived.
Thanks Felix, but I can’t. If it got back to Annie, she might read something into it that isn’t there. I’m going with Meg, so I’ll see you there anyway, and I really hope we can go back to being friends.
