‘You’re a good bloke, Oshy, but I don’t reckon it’ll be a problem,’ I say at once. ‘Nobody fucks with the Big Dog. If they do, I’ll handle it meself. You got me,champ?’
Oshy registers the champ like a footy boot to the teeth.
‘Loud and clear,’ he says. ‘Chief.’
I smirk at him, and he smirks back.
31
CHIAVE
ZEKE
On Friday night – almost a week after my meltdown at footy training – I go back to Sabrina’s flat, turn my key in the door, and open it.
Sabrina is in her Baby Yoda jumper, curved up on the couch like an overcooked croissant as she watches an episode ofBlack Mirror.
‘About time, Vic!’ she mutters, eyes on the screen. ‘Big queue at Shining Dragon?’
They must be having a girls’ night.
‘Nah,’ I say.
Sabrina’s limbs flail as she turns to face me. Her mouth is agape. We haven’t exchanged a word since I lost my shit in front of her.
‘Zeke,’ she almost whispers. ‘What are you doing here?’
I close the door behind me as Sabrina pausesBlack Mirrorand hold up my hands in a surrender gesture. ‘I’m not here to fight,’ I say. ‘I came here to apologise for my behaviour at footy the other day.’
Sabrina casts a wobbly smile at me. ‘Not gonna lie, it was like seeing this whole Jekyll and Hyde version of you. It scared me.’
‘Well, youwereseeing a whole side of me I don’t usually show,’ I admit. ‘I’m not good at showing my anger. Think I bottled it up for years and finally exploded.’
‘Yeah, I kinda picked that up,’ Sabrina says, smile arching from wobbly to wry. ‘I didn’t even know you had the capacity to be angry. You’re usually so placid.’
‘On the outside,’ I clarify. ‘But anyway, I was out of line to cut sick at you like that. You didn’t deserve to be called a cunt. I’m sorry. When you said I wasn’t allowed to hang out with Jack … it sent me over the edge.’
Sabrina’s smile collapses like a soufflé. ‘I’m totally mortified about that.’ She winces. ‘It was the most embarrassing Freudian slip. Even Victoria said I was crossing a line, and honestly, I didn’t mean to say it. I get why that must have seemed, like, reminiscent of your mother or something.’ She shudders. ‘No offence, but I am nothing like that woman.’
‘None taken.’
‘And I’m sorry for ripping your poster off the wall,’ she adds, rubbing her elbow self-consciously. ‘I don’t like that stuff, but I could’ve had a proper conversation with you. And if you’re not my boyfriend, I probably should’ve ignored it. It set me off because of Shane.’
‘Yeah, I could see that,’ I say. ‘I guess I gave you an idea of who I was and – it wasn’t really true anymore.’
Sabrina tilts her head. ‘Oh?’
I take a steadying breath. I imagine cold needles of rain driving into my arms at footy training. I’m tough enough to do that, so I’m tough enough to do this. ‘I’m not the same guy from high school, Sabrina,’ I explain. ‘That guy was trying to be good so nobody would know what he was really like. That was the pretend version of me. Ghost Zeke.’
‘Ghost Zeke?’ Sabrina repeats. ‘That’s morbid. It makes it sound like the old you died.’
‘Well, maybe he did.’
Tears spring to Sabrina’s eyes.
‘That guy was never me, Sabrina. I’m not a good Catholic boy.I’m not a wood-chopping, gingerbread-baking, white-collar-shirt-wearing trad-husband. I’m gay and I’m a hedonist and I like it. It makes me happy to not repress my sexuality. It’s a huge part of my life, and I’m not ever going to apologise for who I am.’
Sabrina paces around the lounge room for a moment, glancing at herFireflyposter and one of myGreen Lanternposters, touching the Green Lantern logo. ‘I think I could tell you’d changed, and that’s why I was working so hard to try to like, bring you back to the old Zeke I recognised,’ she says. ‘Do you remember the Perth trip in year ten? When we were all playing cards on the boat?’
